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I hold on to her tightly and with tears blinding me I make my way to my bedroom. Thankfully, it’s untouched since the day I left.
I have Luna’s milk in the baby bag. I give it to her and cuddle her. It’s not her nap time but she falls asleep. I lay her on the bed and softly tiptoe out. I spend the next hour scrubbing and cleaning. Just as I finish with the kitchen, Luna wakes up but by then there’s a semblance of order in the house. I get her and she looks around, as though she’s surprised to find herself in her old home.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I tell her as I feed her lunch.
Our world has shrunk. The house seems drab and dull and lonely. I wish that Vanesa was still here. Then I hear movement and Mom pads into the living room rubbing her eyes. She stops short when she sees us.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
She is a mess with her hair tangled and wearing a nightdress that leaves nothing to the imagination. I can smell her alcoholic breath from where I’m sitting.
Before I can answer, Butch enters the living room in a pair of shorts and no shirt.
“What’s she doing here?” he asks my mother.
“Ace and I had a disagreement and I came back home,” I say.
“You said we’d have the house to ourselves,” Butch says.
Mom turns to him and slips her hands around his considerable waist. “I thought we would but don’t let that worry you. Now we can go on that trip you wanted to go to. What do you say?”
“What trip?” I ask.
“None of your business,” Mom snaps.
I sigh and continue feeding my daughter. They leave in the afternoon without an explanation and I don’t ask. I feel like a visitor in my own home. I don’t belong here anymore. I’ve grown and changed from who I had been.
That evening, Mrs. Carter calls me.
“Lexi, how are you? How’s Luna?” she says, worry in her voice.
“We’re fine,” I say afraid of saying something as I don’t know how much she knows.
“We passed by your place this afternoon and Ace told us what happened. That son of mine is an idiot, but he has a good heart.”
I swallow a lump of saliva. I desperately want to ask her how Ace is, how he’s coping with our absence. Does he miss us?
“Do you want to come and stay with us? The house is too big for just the two of us and we’d love to have you and Luna close by.”
Chapter 36
Ace
Michael and Luca are the last to leave. It’s three in the afternoon and I came in two hours ago with the excuse of having lunch, but I just needed to get out of the condo.
“Take care,” the guys say with a wave and they are off.
I’m still on my first beer, alternating sips of water with it.
“Are you okay, Ace?” Jim says.
“I’m good.”
He retreats. My misery is not a secret. I can’t wait for my shift to roll around. Work is the only thing that has been keeping me sane for the last two weeks. I’ve tried telling myself that women are nothing but trouble and I’m better off alone.
But it’s not true. Lexi was not trouble. She was sweet and kind and she and Luna filled my life in ways I could not have expected. They became part of me.
My condo used to be my refuge but now, everything there reminds me of Luna and Lexi.
Images of Lexi form in my mind. I see her laughing. Leaning over the stove to taste the stew. Waking up in the morning, smiling when she sees me. I don’t get how she could throw away what we had because I spent a night away from home.
I feel alone and hurt and I’m tired of feeling this way. I’ve been to see Luna three times this week, making sure to visit her when Lexi is at work. She seems happy and well-adjusted and that’s something at least.
I worried about the living arrangements, but Helen told me that Lexi’s mom and boyfriend have moved away. That was something else that gave me sleepless nights even when I knew Lexi would not allow anyone to harm Luna.
The bar door swings open. I don’t bother to look. It’s been that way all afternoon. I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t see Declan until he sits down.
“I thought you might be here,” he says and takes a swig of his beer. Then he stares at me. “She hasn’t come around yet?”
“She’s not going to,” I tell Declan.
“That’s a shame. She’s an awesome person,” Declan says.
“Are you here to make me feel worse than I already do?” I ask him.
“You know what your problem is?” Declan says. “You give up too easily. You don’t stick around to fight.”
