“Please, this is what happens when you spend too much time with bleach and permanent solution; you’re delirious. I’m late, though. I need to get going. Can you?—?”
“—Lock up? Sure, of course. Absolutely.”
And somehow, J.J. got out of there.
She got in her car and sped away.
* * *
How in the world? What in the world?
Stone had taken the blame. He’d apologized immediately. She knew he didn’t have a thing to apologize for. She knew this because she wanted him to kiss her. She had liked it, and now felt a wave of guilt.
She was the one who felt sorry.
How could I? Dean hasn’t even been gone a year, and I’m kissing another man! What is wrong with me?
Her grief was overwhelming, and then she turned around and acted like a fool on top of it.
The guilt was all hers, and if she could apologize to Dean, she would.
But Dean was gone. The guilt she felt started to morph into anger.
“Stupid Dean, this is your fault. This isallyour fault. I am supposed to be calm and settled. We’re supposed to be enjoying grandchildren or vacations or whatever. I’m not supposed to be fumbling through a kiss with someone else.”
She hit the steering wheel with her palms.
J.J. was too embarrassed to call her friends,ke she did in most situations. They counseled each other, encouraged each other, and were there for each other in moments like this. But the hard truth was that none of them had been through this moment. She was the only widow in the bunch. None of them understood what it felt like to cheat on a husband.
Was it cheating? Had she just cheated?
No. No No, technically not. But the fact that the kiss felt good, that she enjoyed it, that she knew she liked Stone Stirling made her feel worse. Not better.
The day that was supposed to be a triumph was ending in confusion. All she could think was that she wasn’t ready to return. To be in the deep end of anything important. Bottom line Libby and D.J. had put J.J. in a position of needing to deal with more than she could handle without Dean.
She didn’t want to deal with this town, these people, these memories, and this new reality. She should be in a town where no one knew her, and she had no connections.
She’d not necessarily been happy out on the road, but at least she wasn’t in situations like this. She could ride the surface of her emotions and the connections in her life. They were distant. Right now, she was knee-deep in all of it.
And she didn’t want to be.
J.J. passed the turnoff to Treach’s Cottage. She just needed to drive. So, she did, in circles, around Manitou Lake.
She didn’t want to be alone, but she knew that if any of her friends saw her right now, they would know she was discombobulated and totally confused.
“Stupid Dean, this is the way teenagers deal with life. Not middle-aged women. I’m all hot, bothered, guilty, and thinking I will get in trouble. I hope you’re happy.”
She replayed the moment that Stone and she kissed. And then she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head.
ChapterTwenty-Two
2002
She’d selected a white carpet for their bedroom. Dean had insisted that she pick what she wanted. But she kept fretting about it. She loved the look of the carpet, but white? Only a movie star or a fool would pick white.
The kids were way too little for there to be a white carpet.
They’d spend years redoing almost every square inch of the house they bought from Jackie. J.J. chose décor on the basis of how it could withstand two little boys, Dean, and Dean’s crew.
