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“Oh, God, I want to, Jamie … but not here. Not before we’ve told her.”
I remove my hand with a herculean effort.
“Okay, then maybe we should play chess?” I tease.
She giggles and gives me that pout of hers, the pout that makes me want to take her pretty little mouth until her emerald eyes are wide and teary.
“Jamie, why did you and Yasmin’s mom split up?”
“Whoah,” I laugh grimly. “That came out of nowhere.”
Somehow, her pout gets even fiercer.
“That’s not really an answer, is it?” she says. “I think I have a right to know if we’re going to be … whatever we are.”
“Everything,” I growl passionately. “We’re going to be fucking everything, Jade. And you’re right. You do deserve to know. I guess I’m just surprised Yasmin has never talked about it.”
“Oh, she has,” Jade says, wriggling against me, her body shifting in ways that has my mind teetering on the edge of becoming a feral beast again and consuming every part of her. “But always vaguely. She was really young when it happened. And I guess you’re not the most talkative man in the world.”
“She never asked,” I say quietly.
“Newsflash, Jamie,” Jade laughs. “You’re one of the most intimidating men in the world. Of course, she has trouble talking about this stuff with you.”
I nod, though a sharp spiking lance of regret grinds into me when I think about my daughter being too nervous to bring up the separation. But then Jade’s right. I’m always so busy with my work. It makes sense that Yasmin wouldn’t be able to fit in a heart-to-heart with me.
“Maybe I need to rectify that,” I say.
“Maybe,” she says, “you need to answer my question.”
I sign and stand up, finding the idea of talking about my ex with this woman – this queen – almost surreal.
I wish I could turn back time and make it so I’d never touched another woman, that I’d waited my whole life for Jade. The only downside to that is that Yasmin never would’ve been born, so it seems that I’m stuck.
I stand at the window and stare out at the late afternoon hazy sunlight of the city, a weight crushing down on my shoulders when I try to think of how to explain how little Yasmin’s mother meant to me without sounding like a complete asshole.
The last thing I want is Jade thinking that that’s who I am—somebody who picks up and tosses away women.
The truth is I’ve steered clear from women for years and planned to do so the rest of my life before this dark haired angel came into my life.
“Jamie?” she says. “Please? Can we talk?”
Chapter Thirteen
Jade
I stare at his back, the taut muscles getting even tighter as though any moment he could tear out of his T-shirt. He puts his hands behind his back and lets out a growling sigh, the same way I imagine him doing at business meetings when he wants to let his adversaries know that the shit is about to hit the fan.
I wonder if he’s angry about us not being able to tell Yasmin yet.
I know I took the coward’s way out on that one, but it’s also true that Yasmin hates being interrupted when she’s in Maine and she’d double freak if we intruded for this.
A small voice inside whispers, Yeah, keep giving yourself excuses, Jade.
I push it down and then stand up, walking across the room and standing at the window with Jamie.
He stares down at the city like he owns, it like each building is a piece on the board, and he’s mentally configuring them in the best way he knows how.
I move closer to him – how natural the closeness feels stuns me constantly – and he lifts his arm and wraps it around my shoulders. I cuddle close and savor the warmth of him, the security in his muscular arms, every inch of him ripped and honed and ready to fight off the pain of this world.
Maybe with Jamie, I don’t have to feel self-conscious and inadequate all the time.
But I need to know this man to make that leap, to truly know him, and understanding why he left the mother of his child seems like required freaking knowledge when I’m going to be the next mother of his child.
What if he does the same to me? a small bitter voice taunts within.
“Jamie,” I whisper. “I know this must be hard to talk about. But please tell me.”
He sighs and turns to me, kissing the top of my head in a way that makes me feel like I belong.
“Jade, you need to know something. I’ll always remain loyal to you. I’ll never cheat on you. I’d die before I even considered it. I’d die before I even looked at another woman. I’d kill any man who tried to take you away from me. You need to know that … okay?”
