She was perilously close to caring too much for this man and his troubled boys. But the truth was, she was enjoying being here in his house, cooking and keeping house for these men who seemed so desperately in need of female influence. She liked the feeling of being needed; it was a new sensation.
She had kept house for her brother, of course, once she was old enough to assume the duties. She couldn’t remember her mother or her father; both had died while she was very young, and Liang had become both parents for her.
She had learnt to cook from a neighbour, a widow with two children who fancied herself in love with Liang. The emotion hadn’t been returned, and the liaison had faltered and ended abruptly when Aihan was twelve.
By then she was competent to take on the running of the house for Liang and Caishen, and assumed full control of it while Liang continued to teach both her and Caishen how to fight and observe the traditions of his faith, the Tao. Because he was a soldier in the imperial army, serving in the capital, they lived in a small house just outside of the Forbidden City, where Liang went every day to earn the money to feed them.
Living here in this house in Scotland was very different in many ways, yet underneath there were similarities. She was comfortable in the domestic sphere; she knew what to do and how to do it competently, and she felt content. It gave her joy to see the men and boys devouring her food with so much enjoyment, and the pleasure she derived from being in Mac’s bed was stronger and better than anything she had ever experienced.
And she liked them. She liked Mac with his slightly grumpy temper and surprising gentleness under the fire and passion. She liked seeing him smile when he had been so sad. She liked Rory and Cam too. And Fergus, and Wee, as she thought of him.
She stirred, lifting her head. “Do ye think Cam will tell Rory the truth?”
“Aye, I think he will. If he’s any sense he’ll tell him while he’s still abed and cannae punch the living daylights out of him.”
“Ye think he’ll do that? Punch him, I mean.”
“Aye I do, knowing Rory. But I think Cal’s learned a powerful lesson this last day. I think he’ll take his medicine like a man.” He paused and gave her another hug. “I’d best go and see what’s happening. There’s been no bellows or screeching, so that’s a good sign, I think. I’ll move Rory back to his own bedchamber.”
She nodded, letting him go reluctantly. But he cupped her face and gave her another lingering kiss. “Ye’re a blessing I don’t deserve, lass.” He let her go slowly and left the kitchen with one more backward glance, as if tearing himself from her side was the most difficult thing he’d ever done.
She leaned on the table, her knees gone suddenly weak and her heart beating fast in her chest. The oddest sensation of warmth and happiness suffused her chest, and she stared blindly at the mess on the table she had yet to clean up. She hadn’t felt this in a very long time.
Not since she was eighteen and—Oh no! I can’t be falling in love with him.
She groped for the chair and sat down heavily. But she was. She could feel herself falling off the cliff; in fact, she wanted to dive off and fly. The temptation was so powerful it made her breath catch and tears sting her eyes. No, no, no! She had to find Liang and then figure out a way to go home. She couldn’t stay here looking after Mac and the boys forever.
The heady sensation of joy was quashed under a pall of remembered duty. She must find Liang; he was her brother and the only reliable person in her life. Liang could be depended upon. No one else. She owed him everything. He was her rock and her rudder. And she loved him fiercely. Not in a romantic sense. He was family, her precious, only family. With a pang, she remembered Caishen. Her little brother in spirit, if not in blood. He was gone, but she could find Liang.
A voice whispered in her head that Liang was gone too, but she pushed it away. She refused to believe that.
She wiped at the tears on her cheeks. It was tempting to think she could sink into the comfort of Mac’s arms and let herself feel all those wonderful feelings of joy and bliss, but she knew from bitter experience they didn’t last. And the cost, when the feelings died as they inevitably would, was far worse than not feelingthem at all. She needed to guard her heart against Mac. He was altogether too tempting.
But he was still in love with his wife. It was obvious he was a one-woman man. She was just a stepping stone to help him through a rough patch. She had made no pretence that she expected more from him than sexual pleasure, and for a man that was sufficient. He wouldn’t want anything more from her than that.
She sniffed, straightened her shoulders, and rose, attacking the kitchen table with a burst of furious energy.Love is for fools, and I am no fool.
When Col reached his bedchamber, he found the door ajar, and he paused to watch the tableaux within.
Rory was sitting up, banked by pillows, with a scowl on his face. Callum was kneeling by the bed with his face buried in the covers, sniffling.
“Stop yer snivelling!” growled Rory, sounding rather too much like Col himself, he thought. “Ye said ye’re sorry. Ye can stow it now. It was just a wee bitty snake. I’m nae dead!”
Callum raised his face and spoke in Gaelic. “Athair said ye could have died, and it would have been my fault.”
“Athair’s an old woman! I wasnae going to die!” scoffed Rory.
Col stiffened at the old woman taunt and then grinned. Rory was putting a brave face on it for his little brother, wasn’t he? There had been a moment last night when Rory had asked him if he was going to die, and Col had reassured him to the contrary. Either Rory didn’t remember that, or he was trying to pretend it didn’t happen. In any case, Col wasn’t about to betray him. He made a noise to announce his arrival and entered the room a moment later. Callum climbed to his feet wiping his face, and Rory glared at him.
“Ye didnae need to scare the bairn out of his skull, Athair,” he said.
“I was worried fer ye, lad, and somewhat overwrought. It had been an emotional day, if ye recall?”
Rory had the grace to flush then, reminded of his own part in yesterday’s events.
“Aye, well,” he paused. “Cal says there’s marmalade pudding fer dessert. I’ve a mind to get up fer dinner.”
“Nae, lad, ye’ll stay put in bed till tomorrow. That leg is still a mite swollen, ye don’t want it to get worse. Aihan’s applied an ointment to stop the rot, but snake bite can lead to necrosis, ye ken.”
