Fergus brought in the pot of parritch and jug of ale, followed by Willy with the mugs, bowls, plates, cutlery, and condiments. Then Aihan appeared with the plates of ham and eggs. Col was standing at the head of the table when she came in, and his heart did a kind of flip-flop at the sight of her. Her hair was dishevelled, and she had a smut of soot on one cheek. Her apron was smeared with grey patches, too.
She set the plates down on the table, but she didn’t look at him. Normally they would exchange a glance, a smile, even a word or two. This morning, she refused to meet his eyes, although he stared at her with hunger, willing her to raise her eyes and look at him, to smile. Her face was set, almost grim, her usual sunny smile completely absent.What the fook is the matter?
She sat beside him and ate, but he felt as if there was an invisible wall between them. She didn’t look at him, not once, nor address him. Fortunately, the boys’ chatter covered her unusual silence. But Fergus noticed and raised his eyebrows at him. His conclusion was, no doubt, that they’d had a row, but nothing could be further from the truth.
He ate some parritch and an egg and a slice of ham, but he wasn’t hungry and barely tasted the food.
When Aihan rose to help Fergus and Willy clear away the remains of the meal, he said, “Boys, help clear the table.” He snagged her arm to stop her leaving and waited until the others left the room.
“Aihan, what’s wrong?”
Her hands clenched, her apron twisting the fabric. She glanced up at him and away, but not before he caught the glimmer of tears in her eyes. “I can’t!” she said with such anguish, his heart contracted in sharp pain.
“Can’t what, mo ghràdh?”My love.
She shook her head and turned away.
He pulled her back against him. “Ah, dinnae run from me, Hana!” Wrapping his arms round her, he held her close against him, his face buried in her hair.
But she was stiff in his embrace, none of the yielding warmth she usually displayed. Sensing that, he loosened his hold on her and stepped back. His heart felt cold with dread, and his breakfast roiled in his stomach.
She ran then.
“Aihan!” he called after her, but she ignored him and disappeared from his view. He wanted to go after her, but her stiff unresponsiveness in his arms stopped him. She didn’t want him. He was causing her distress. The anguish in her eyes was real. Whatever this was, it was causing her pain.Hewas causing her pain.
A restless ache possessed him, and he left the house, desperate for air. He started walking, not mindful of his direction, just the need to escape from whatever had just happened.
He walked into the village, past the Speckled Hen, and down to the beach. The tide was halfway out, revealing a generous strip of sand and rocks. He turned right and walked along the beachfront. The cold wind tugged at his jacket and blew his hair in his face. The smell of salt and seaweed filled his nostrils. The sky was studded with cloud, half-white, half-grey with the odd chink of blue. They’d have rain before the day was out.
What could be wrong? She did care, but not enough? She wanted to go home? They hadn’t spoken of her brother in a while. Was this to do with him? He would have to ask her. Get her to explain what was wrong so that he could set it right. He couldn’t bear to see her so upset. His thoughts chased themselves in circles for an age as he mulled and recalled, and his chest ached.
He looked up from the sand at his feet and realised he’d come further up the beach than he thought. Above him towered the headland, upon which the dark stone towers of Ravenscraig Castle stood. And to his right, cut into the rock, was a dark hollow. He smiled, remembering exploring the cave as a boy with his brother Merlow. The entrance was partially covered during high tide, but parts of it inside were above the high-water mark, and he and Merlow had taken shelter when the tidecaught them, penning them into the cave. They had thought that great fun as lads, imagining they were pirates with their booty, sheltering from the excise officers. He wondered if Rory and Callum had found the cave. Had he ever told them about it? He couldn’t remember.
He looked up at the cloudy sky. Rain was likely soon; he’d best turn back. He’d been out here close on three hours, he thought. It was a long way back.
As he turned, he caught a glimmer of red and green in the trees of the escarpment above his head. He frowned, scanning the area, and saw the slender form of a lass with red hair climbing the steep slope up the headland towards the Castle. With a shock, he realised it must be Isa, the Chief’s daughter. She slipped behind a stand of trees on the thickly wooded slope and was lost to his sight. He shrugged and turned to walk back the way he had come. The tide had gone out much further now and was on the turn.
Chapter Twenty-Four
To Aihan’s shock, Col didn’t appear for lunch, and she fretted about where he was and if he was alright. She needed to talk to him. She had upset him this morning. She needed to offer some plausible explanation for her own distress. She supposed she owed him the truth. That she needed to leave him and the boys and go in search of her brother.
Would he volunteer to come with her? She thought he might, but he needed to stay because of the boys. They needed him here, not off with her. England was a big place. Not as big as China, but big enough to make it difficult to find one man. It might take her quite a while. And when she found Liang, then what? Would she come back to Mac and the boys? Or leave with Liang, go home?
Liang is gone!The persistent voice in her head insisted that this was true. She pushed it away. She refused to believe that. But it made it more imperative that she go now, before any more time elapsed. She had delayed too long already.
The post had arrived that morning with two letters. She set them on his desk and returned to cleaning out the hearth, preparatory to laying a new fire. The dogs sprawled around her as she worked, refusing to move, so she was forced to workaround somnolent doggy bodies. She smiled affectionately as they whuffled in their sleep. She would miss them too.
She sighed, sitting back on her heels. There was no way round the heartache she was facing and the heartache she was going to cause. To Mac and the boys and Fergus, but especially Mac. She couldn’t mistake what had passed between them last night. It had been magical, like something from a myth. So beautiful and fragile, she was afraid to name it for fear of making it evaporate like mist or a dream. He hadn’t said the words, but they were there in his touch and his expression.
But could something with this intensity of feeling be real, or was it an illusion? A form of infatuation? Could she trust her own feelings and his? He had loved his wife deeply. Could he love another? Could he love her?
She sighed again and resumed her sweeping out of the hearth. Having removed the ashes, she laid the heavier logs at the bottom and began building the kindling and paper up on top. Then she set to work with the flint to light the paper and hopefully catch the kindling. The spark she sought eluded her, but then remembering her training, she centred herself, closed her eyes, breathed, and visualised the flame igniting. Opening them, she tried again, this time with calmness and certainty in her heart.
The tinder sparked and the paper caught, and a flame licked up and caught the kindling. She fed it some more and, in a few moments, she had a nice blaze going. It was a timely reminder to not lose sight of her training. It was easy to do, surrounded by people who were blind to the chi that lived in all things, objects, people, trees, rocks, animals. Even houses. She was surrounded by the living essence of life everywhere, yet because it was invisible it was easy to forget it.
Focus on your chi, Aihan, and you can do anything you set your mind to.Liang’s voice reverberated in her head. He was right.Oh, Liang, I miss you!
A pang hit her chest, and that sliver of doubt that she would ever see him again widened. She clamped down on it ruthlessly. She would see him. She must, for how could she live in a world where he was no longer? He had been the sun and the moon to her for so long. Her mentor, her father, her brother, and her friend. She must see him; she must find him.
