Silence greeted this, and she eventually peeked at Papa to see what he was doing. His lips were curved in a slight smile.
“Why are you smiling?” she asked, half accusing, half baffled.
“If we were all sent to hell for that one, my dear, there would be no one in heaven.”
“Truly, Papa? But it was wrong!”
“Yes, it was wrong, my dear, but I have to ask, did it work?”
“I think so, yes,” she admitted reluctantly, remembering Robert’s show of possessiveness. Even if it was just driven by a proprietary sense within him, it still made her feel wanted and protected.
“Now we get to the serious one,” he said. “Ah, no hiding.” He nudged up her chin again. “What has he done?”
She flushed. “Nothing but kisses, Papa, I promise. The duke is very proper, and he has treated me with nothing but respect.”
“I’m glad to hear it. So what are you concerned about?”
She squirmed. Really, discussing this with a parent was so uncomfortable. “I think I understand now why girls become fallen women. Kisses feel so nice, Papa,” she admitted in a rush.
“Well, yes, they do, with the right person. If you’ve come to that realization, you can advise your sisters and warn them what to be careful of. Your mother, bless her, is not up to the task. Been worrying me terribly having you exposed to all that corruption in London and no one to advise and protect you but Daphne and your own common sense.” He smiled and hugged her.
She hugged him back and sniffled.
“Which brings me to one final question, Sesi. Do you want to marry him?” He waited a moment, and when she didn’t answer, he went on, “If you do not, you have no need to worry about what it means for the family. I won’t have you sacrificed for worldly gain. Do you want to be a duchess, Sarah?”
“Not—not especially,” she admitted.
“Well then, there is nothing more to be said.” He prepared to rise, and she grabbed his arm.
“I don’t especially wish to be a duchess, but I think I do want to marry Robert,” she said quickly. Papa didn’t know about the incident at Lady Castlereagh’s ball, and he probably wouldn’t understand the ramifications, either, of her calling off the wedding, the social ruin that would follow. For good or ill, the die was cast. She’d made her decision, and she did want to see it through, not least for her family’s sake.
And confessing some of her transgressions, if not all of them, to Papa had relieved her conscience somewhat, and just talking to him had made her feel better about everything. She really had missed him dreadfully. The prospect of being separated from him on a more or less permanent basis going forward made her heart ache, but her marriage to the duke was for the best and perhaps not as awful as she had previously thought it might be.
He smiled, and this time his eyes teared up. “My baby girl is truly grown up now. Dearest girl, I do so wish you everyhappiness.” He hugged her again. “I believe the duke will make you an admirable husband. He seems a fine upstanding fellow.
“I’ve done a little research on him, you know, as soon as I received his letter informing me of your betrothal. I couldn’t find anyone with a bad word to say about him. Except that he is a little formal and proud, which is to be expected of someone of his social standing. And I have to say that the little I’ve seen of him so far has shown him to be far less high in the instep than I expected.”
She smiled tearily at him and hugged him. “Thank you, Papa.” The last thing she was ever going to tell Papa was about Robert’s mistress.If he knew about that...
*
Sarah and thevicar were gone for a good half hour, during which time Robert made awkward conversation with Mrs. Watson, Lady Holbrook, and the two eldest girls.
He rose as soon as Sarah entered the room with her father and noted with alarm that her eyes were red.More tears!He took a step toward her but addressed Mr. Watson. “May I have a few moments alone with Sarah?”
Watson glanced at his wife, and then nodded.
“The back parlor is unoccupied,” said Mrs. Watson.
He looked at Sarah. “Will you?”
She gave him a small, painful smile and turned back toward the door. He accompanied her down the hall, noting the slightly threadbare nature of the runner. Everything was spotlessly clean, but he couldn’t help but notice the worn furnishings and scratched and battered furniture.
They entered the back parlor which was lit by a single candelabra on a side table. There was no fire, so the air waschilly, and Sarah pulled her shawl more tightly round her shoulders. He closed the door and turned to take her hands.
“You’re upset. What is it?”
“This is the last time I will live in this house; I had not expected—I shall miss it and my family.” She avoided his eyes.
