“Weren’t you careful with Mama?”
Oh, God!His heart was going to crack. “I wasn’t there, sweetheart. I couldn’t prevent the accident happening.”
“So how can you prevent an accident happening to me?” she asked, her face pressed against his jacket.
“Because I will take very good care of you. And Lizzie and Ewen.” He rubbed her back comfortingly.
“How can you do that if you’re not here?” she asked again, pulling back to look up at him, her eyes wide in consternation.
“I’m never very far away, sweetheart. And if leave you it will be with people who can look after you and keep you safe. Like Mrs. Green or your new mama.” He nodded at Annis, who smiled reassuringly at Charlie.
Charlie swallowed, her little mouth setting in a hard line. “Then why couldn’t you protect Mama?”
The knife in his heart twisted further. “She was too far away, sweetheart. In another country.” He blinked the tears from his eyes and sniffed.
“Why was she there?”
“She—she was visiting a—a friend.”
“Why did you let her go?” Charlie grabbed his lapel and tugged at it as if to emphasize her words.
“She wanted to go. I couldn’t have stopped her.” He swallowed and sniffed again. “Mama was a grown-up, darling. Grown-ups get to decide what they want to do.”
“So, it was Mama’s fault?” She went back to twisting her curl again.
“I—” He stopped helplessly.
“The driver of the carriage made a mistake, Charlie. Mistakes happen sometimes, but that wasn’t your mama’s fault,” said Annis gently.
“Doyoumake mistakes, Papa?”
“Yes, sweetheart, all grown-ups do. None of us are perfect,” honesty compelled him to say. Then he hastened to add, “But I won’t make a mistake with you.” He squeezed her tight. “You and Lizzie and Ewen are the most precious people in the world to me. I love you with all my heart, and even if I’m not right here in the house with you all the time, I will always love and keep you safe.”
Lizzie was sitting up in bed by now, watching this. Ewen seemed to still be asleep.
“Papa won’t leave us, Charlie. Even if he’s gone for a little bit, he will come back. He always does. Papa is re-lia-ble!” she said, annunciating the long word slowly. He caught a smile from Annis at this.Had she taught Lizzie that word?
“What’s that mean?” asked Charlie.
“It means he will always be here when we need him.” Lizzie grinned at him, and her confidence in him almost made his knees buckle.
“Thank you, Lizzie,” he husked. “Yes, I will always be here when you need me. Maybe not always in the exact instant, but not long or far away.”
Charlie sighed and hugged him. “I love you, Papa.”
“I love you too, Charlie-mine,” he said, his voice choked. He walked over to the bed, depositing her beside her sister, and she crawled back under the covers.
Lizzie gave her a hug. “I’m here, Charlie,” she said. “If you have a bad dream, I’ll fix the monster for you. No monster is going to hurt my little sister.”
“Thank you, Lizzie!” Charlie hugged her.
He hugged them both. “My precious girls!” he murmured. “Lizzie, I’m so proud of you!”
He tucked them both in and sat with them until they settled, Annis by his side.
When they finally left the nursery and repaired to their bedchamber, a wave of fatigue hit him like a wall.
He sank down on the bed and put his head in his hands. Annis came to him and put her hands on his shoulders. He pressed his face into her belly and wrapped his arms round her.
