She had said she wasn’t Caroline, and there was pain in her voice when she’d said it, even as she sprang to his defense. She was so sensitive to his moods. How had she known he was thinking that he wished Caroline had thought him half as wonderful as Annis seemed to? Of course, she wouldn’t like to feel she was being compared to the wife he had loved and lost. Even if that comparison was in Annis’s favor. He should have told her that, but instead he’d behaved like a beast.
His uncontrolled lust came from a place he didn’t recognize. A primitive part of him that wanted to own and possess. The odd thing, though, was in the aftermath he had wanted to curl up in her arms and cry. Not because he’d behaved like a beast, but because a part of him wanted comfort, like a child. He craved the comfort of her arms, of her body. It wasthatthat drove him to take her so quickly—he was desperate for the comfort that she offered. It eased the hurt inside him, the empty ache of betrayal.
God, Caroline had made a mess of him, hadn’t she? It went deeper than he’d thought. Annis soothed that wound, and he craved that soothing. It made him want to crawl inside her and just be—not think or feel or be responsible, just be. Learn to be whole again, learn to be himself again. But not his old self, rather the new self that was emerging like a butterfly from a chrysalis.He wanted to learn to be the husband she needed, the father his children needed.
God, I love her.The revelation was like a sunrise, warm and almost blinding in its intensity. It brought tears to his eyes, and he lay with them trickling out the corners and pooling in his ears. A giddy joy came in its wake, and he couldn’t decide if he was happy or sad. He glanced down at her curled into him, her head on his chest and he wanted to squeeze her and kiss her andtellher...
But would she trust that I mean it? Do I trust that I mean it? Is this just some rebound reaction to Caroline’s betrayal?He didn’t know. He was so confused by his own emotions; he was a mess. And if it was one thing Annis didn’t deserve, it was a mess. She deserved steadiness and dependability. He had promised her that, and here he was veering all over the map emotionally like a crazed creature.
He took a slow, steadying breath. He would wait a bit and see if these feelings consolidated. When he was sure, he would speak. But only when he was sure. Annis was worthy of that, and he cared for her too much to want to inadvertently to hurt her... like he’d hurt Caro. He needed to be absolutely certain before he said anything. He would take steps to protect her... then he would tell her that he loved her... when she knew she was safe with him...
His thoughts became muddled, and he fell asleep holding her close.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Stepping over thethreshold of the house in Cavendish Square, Annis was conscious of a sense of homecoming that surprised her. Especially when the butler Latham greeted her warmly and then a squeal of joy from the staircase heralded the stampede of children hurrying to greet them.
As Emrys caught and hugged the girls, she was pelted by Ewen throwing himself at her legs. She picked him up, her heart catching as he flung his arms round her neck and kissed her. “Mama!”
She laughed; her heart suffused with joy at the name. She had transitioned from Miss Pingle to Mama, and it made her heart sing. She looked across at Emrys, who had Charlie in one arm and Lizzie hanging off the other. They exchanged a warm smile amid the children’s chatter, and her heart overflowed. She had a family, and it now seemed possible, perhaps even likely, that she was born legitimate, so her secret shame might soon be no more.Is it possible to be any happier?
Mrs. Green stood at the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m sorry, my lord, my lady. I couldn’t stop them.”
Emrys juggled Charlie on his hip. “Not a worry, Mrs. Green. We are as glad to see them as they are to see us. Latham, see to the horses and our luggage, will you? Come on, race you back to the nursery, Lizzie!”
Annis followed in his wake, Mrs. Green bringing up the rear. “How do you keep up with them?” she asked over her shoulder.
“I don’t, my lady, and that’s a fact. They need more exercise here in town. It’s hard on them, cooped up in the house. If you’ll pardon my saying so.”
“You’re absolutely right. We will have to do something about that. I’ll speak to his lordship.”
They spent an hour with the children, learning all about what they had done while she and Emrys were in Bath.
“The duchess came to see us,” said Lizzie importantly.
“And she brought Miss Deborah who played dress ups with us.” said Charlie, crawling into her father’s lap.
Charlie’s propensity to cling to Emrys every chance she got was not diminishing yet, though Annis held out hope that over time it would lessen, as the little girl’s trust increased. They were doing all they could to improve that, but going away as suddenly as they had probably hadn’t helped.
But if affection could make any difference, then it was simply a matter of time. Emrys loved his children so much. Annis marveled at the fact that he was as unstinting in his affection for the girls as he was with Ewen. She knew this wasn’t common. Many men ignored their female offspring as being unimportant. But not her Emrys. He valued all his children equally.
She wondered if her father would have paid her any attention had things fallen out differently. She had so many unanswered questions about him and why he had apparently never lived with her mother and why their marriage was never acknowledged publicly. And she couldn’t quite shake the nagging fear that he’d somehow had the marriage put aside so that he could marry Lady Damaris.Had he loved Damaris? Was that that why he abandoned them? Shunned them?
The notion hurt. For herself and especially for her mother. Janet hadn’t deserved that. She had worked hard all her shortlife and taken very good care of Annis. Not that she had coddled her—Mama was strict but fair. And protective. Annis realized just how protective she had been in hindsight. Many of the restrictions Janet had placed upon her she could see now were born out of fear and desire to protect.
Janet had been afraid—every day of Annis’s life, she now realized.What had she been afraid of? Nicholas? Or the man who attacked and threatened me? Who is he?
Emrys had promised to find out.
*
It was theday after their arrival home that Emrys suddenly bethought himself ofDebrett’s Peerage. He didn’t possess a copy, so he went to Hatchard’s to purchase one. Returning home from the bookshop with this treasure of knowledge of the English, Scottish, and Irish peerage, he retired to his study to search through its pages for the Earldom of Tavistock.
Twenty minutes later he was in possession of several facts. Nicolas Benedict Redmayne, the eldest son of Gerald Benedict Redmayne, 6th Earl of Tavistock, was born on the 20th of November 1768. He married Lady Damaris Godfrey, eldest daughter of the Earl of Grenville on the 14th of November 1791. She bore him a son, Lawrence Percival Redmayne, on the17th of November 1792. And Lawrence was the current and 7th Earl of Tavistock, Nicolas having predeceased his father Gerald, dying on the 8th of January 1793. The 6th earl had died last year on the 12th of July 1817 and was succeeded by his grandson.
Having copied out these notes on a piece of paper, Emrys contemplated what they meant. If the marriage between Nicolas Benedict Redmayne and Miss Janet Adelaide Pringle was valid and never set aside, then Annis was not only legitimate, butshe was Nicolas’sonlylegitimate offspring, her half-brother Lawrence being the product of a bigamous marriage.
