‘Do you want me to? I do not want this to be like the kiss.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I fear I forced you into that by playing on your good nature. I appreciate it is different for a man, that men kiss more freely than women, but all the same, I should not have done it.’
The mattress dipped as he moved. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness well enough that she could see he had propped himself up on one arm.
‘I feel we need to address some things here. Firstly, not all men are the same. I am not in the habit of kissing women all over the place whether they ask me to or not. That kiss meant something to me.’
‘Oh,’ she said softly. She was close enough she could feel the heat radiating from his skin. Although tempted to reach out and touch it, she kept her fingers to herself.
‘Secondly, I would not have kissed you if I had not wanted to do it. If we are being honest with each other, and I think, given the circumstances, we should be, I have thought of little else other than kissing you since the moment you stepped into the Blue Lounge all those weeks ago.’
‘Oh,’ she said again, because that’s all she could manage.
‘Yes, oh.’
‘But…’
‘But?’
‘In those first days, you seemed so very displeased with me.’
‘Did I? I remember spending an inordinate amount of time cutting a piece of cake to look like a fish. Did that strike you as something a man would do if he was not thinking about kissing?’
‘I thought you were trying to be funny.’
‘I was.’
‘But you also wanted to kiss me.’ Little darts of pleasure were shooting through her veins, and a restless, squirmy feeling madeher clothes seem too tight. She wanted to get closer to him, to feel his skin against hers.
‘I did.’
‘Then why did I have to ask you?’
There was a long pause and she began to regret asking; if the reason was something bad, reminding him of it was not a good idea.
‘You are living under our protection. I do not want to take advantage of you. If you want to kiss me, touch me, that is different, but it has to be because you want it, not because you are acting out of a sense of obligation.’ He paused. ‘When I was younger, I kissed a maid. I thought she liked me, but she was doing it because she thought it might lead to advancement in the household or more money, or something.’
‘This is nothing like that,’ she rushed to reassure him. ‘I…’
‘I know’—his voice was calm, soothing—’but the incident reminded me that there are lines between people who come from different backgrounds whether we want that or not. What I am saying is… I do not want to be like your previous employer, taking something that is not mine to have, just because I am in a position of power over you. You’ve had that once before in your life and I do not want you to live through it again.’
For a while she stared at his dark outline. She had never considered he might want her as much as she wanted him and had been holding himself back, not wanting to overstep some invisible marker. Her heart expanded, pressing against her ribs. His words had made her feel cherished and protected in a way no one had ever done for her before. There was nothing she could truly give in return but perhaps her trust.
‘Are you saying if I wanted to stay with you here, we could kiss again, if I wanted it?’
She heard his swallow. ‘Yes.’
‘What if… what if I wanted more?’
‘Do you trust me?’
‘Yes. I trust you completely.’
He reached out and traced his thumb along the edge of her jaw. ‘Then I would very much like for there to bemore.’ Darts of pleasure shot along her skin where he touched her. ‘May I put my mouth on your body to give you pleasure?’
Her head spun; she had no idea what that meant exactly but she guessed that if it felt even half as good as the slight caress of his fingertips against her neck, then she wanted it more than anything in the world. ‘Yes.’
