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“Your mom’s not too old to have kids?”
“She was forty-five when she met Aaron. She ended up having one. A boy. She kept that pregnancy a secret from me, too, until she couldn’t anymore.”
“Fuck.”
“Yes, fuck. Anyway, she struggled with not only the pregnancy but the birth, so she’s done.”
“Thank fuck.”
“That’s what I said. It’s too risky for her to have babies at her age. I was upset when she finally told me she was pregnant. I’m not sure if that’s what her new husband’s plan was or if he just needed someone to take care of his kids.”
“Or both.”
Autumn nodded. “Or both.”
“You got a brother.”
“Half.”
“He with them?”
“Yes. Ezrah’s maybe two now?”
“When d’you see him last?”
“Right after graduation. She couldn’t travel because she just had him.”
“Who the fuck was at your graduation?”
“A couple of college friends. That’s it. But she begged me to come ‘home’ to celebrate and check out this tight-knit, self-sufficient community to see if I’d be interested in moving there. She also wanted me to meet my new stepfather and my step-siblings. And her husband’s extended family, which was a lot bigger than I expected. Everything on the surface sounded sort of okay and she sounded very happy, but something bugged me about the whole thing.”
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Soundin’ way too familiar.”
It should. “Since my internship had ended and I hadn’t found a permanent job anywhere yet and I wanted to meet my new brother, plus visit with my mom to make sure they both were okay, I went.”
“Fuck,” he muttered again.
Fuck wasn’t strong enough.
“When I got there, what I suspected was confirmed. My mother had fallen into the cult mentality of that community. A community that followed their own rules. Who claimed they were not government sheep, that they only answered to God and their community leaders. No one but their leaders made the rules for their sovereign nation. They were free citizens to do whatever they pleased however they decided to do it. My mother explained their distrust of the government was what made them break off from regular society. And they wanted to be independent as a whole.”
“The Guardians of Freedom,” Sig growled.
“Yes.”
“Jesus fuck,” he bit off.
“I didn’t really want to leave my mother and baby brother there, so I decided to stick around long enough to try to convince her to leave with me. To try to get her to see things weren’t what they seemed.” It was a struggle she lost. “Every night at dinner, they’d invite a different man over and introduce me. They were trying to set me up. A couple of them already had wives, but my mother explained that if they held a high position within the community, their reward was to be allowed more than one wife. First off, no way would I marry any of them or live in that community. And, second, they were crazy to think I’d ever marry someone who had more than one wife. After being there a month, I realized convincing my mother was a losing battle. I packed my bags and told her I was leaving the next morning.” She pressed her fingertips to her lips and whispered, “I never should have told her.”
Sig went solid against her. “She fuckin’ snitched.”
“She was my mother.” Someone she should be able to trust. Someone she trusted her whole life. Someone who was supposed to love her unconditionally. Someone who was supposed to protect her, her own daughter. Her child.
“Fuckin’ cunt threw her own fuckin’ daughter under the bus.”
Autumn swallowed, trying to loosen the tightness in her throat. “I should’ve left that night. I went to bed not realizing...” Not realizing she was being betrayed. “I should’ve left.”
“What the fuck happened?”
“When I finally woke up...”
“Red...” His arms tightened around her again. He tucked his nose into her hair by her ear. He was taking long inhales as if trying to keep himself together.
She mentally shook herself. “When I finally woke up, I found myself... Are you sure you want to hear this? I can feel you getting tense. I can hear how you’re breathing. I can feel your heart racing, too, Sig.”
“You can handle tellin’ me, I can handle listenin’.”
“I don’t need you disappearing again and coming back injured because of something that has to do with me.” Even though he wouldn’t lock her in because she now had a key, she didn’t want to be the reason he hurt himself again.
“Baby,” he murmured close to her ear. “Asked you to tell me. Gonna keep my shit under control.”
“You promise?”
“Promise.”
“Promise me,” she insisted, squeezing his thigh again.
“Just did.”
“I need to hear it again,” she echoed the same words he’d said to her when he wanted to be sure she wouldn’t run.
With a grunt, he said, “Promise to keep my shit together.”
“I need you to help me keep mine together, too.” If he concentrated on that, maybe, just maybe, he’d try hard to keep himself together for her.
