Elana and Dr. Fagan groaned, probably because killing me had really been on the table.
“So, what now?” I asked.
“Lysander’s family have offered to take you in.”
“What?” I asked, shocked. “What do you mean? I killed their son.”
“No,” Dr. Fagan shook his head. “No, you didn’t. Grace Bisbee killed Lysander. Can’t you see that, Kaden?” he asked.
Emotions welled up inside me, and I bent down on the sidewalk and wailed. “I can’t live without him,” I cried.
Elana and Dr. Fagan pulled me into their arms and held me as I cried. We must’ve stood there for over half an hour, all the emotions I’d avoided, stored away, or dismissed came to the surface as I faced the fact I was without the only person who’d ever cared for me… the only person who’d never left me. The only person I'd ever loved.
Eventually, I calmed down enough for Dr. Fagan and Elana to take me to a local restaurant, where they ordered me a hamburger and fries.
I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t anything. I was absolutely and utterly nothing inside—a shell.
They ate as I picked at my food. Finally, they agreed to take me to stay at the Nosupe facility at the school. “You can stay there while we figure out how best to help you,” Elana said.
“Won’t Dr. Aynesworth complain?” I asked.
“No, son, Dr. Aynesworth was so relieved by your destruction of the Hoover Facility he took a sabbatical. He and his siblings are celebrating the end of an ugly time in their lives.”
“So, who’s the president?” I asked.
“Well, me, of course,” Dr. Fagan said, smiling. “And Elana is our new dean of students.”
I sighed. “Thank you, but I don’t think…”
Elana put her hand on mine. “We know, honey, we know.”
Most nights, either Elana or Dr. Fagan would sit with me in the room, or sometimes they both came and brought dinner. I’d refused to see Lysander’s mom and Pete. I wouldn’t even let the twins visit. I was beginning to believe that Lysander’s death couldn’t be blamed on me, but I wasn’t convinced yet. The guilt was still unbearable, not to mention the grief. Seeing the friends we shared, or God help me, his parents, would break me, and this time I wouldn’t come back.
Christmas was around the corner. I’d begun downloading books from the library and reading up on the Supes. For months I’d just languished. Even without my powers, I decided I could be of some use to the Supes’ movement, even if I just became a vessel of understanding.
I studied the panel who’d judged me, and was surprised to learn that they had all been dead for at least twenty years. They were all Terrestrials, and before they died, they’d had their consciousnesses downloaded into a mainframe computer. That was why they disappeared after they’d rendered their judgments. I wondered why no one had told me that before.
I read and learned more about Erudo and his school, and realized I’d been brought here on purpose. It was the school of last resort. They took in the students other schools turned away. They also had some of the most well-known and well-regarded superheroes as graduates, but I guessed a school that served the weirdos would.
Christmas came and went, then the anniversary of the night the elements had used me to make the island. That was the night Lysander and I had confessed our love for one another.
I lay in my bed and cried, overcome by the loss. How could so much loss have occurred in the short span of a year?
As I lay there, I remembered what we’d been to one another. The power we had developed, not independently, but as a couple. I let my love for him wash over me, filling me once again with hope, even if it was only momentary, remembering the time I’d loved him, and he’d loved me.
I fell asleep thinking of my love for him for the first time since he’d died. On the anniversary of our love’s confession, I could only think of how much I loved him and how incredible he’d been.
There was no space for anger, sadness, guilt, or grief, not when Lysander was in my heart.
As I drifted in and out of consciousness, I envisioned Lysander in my mind’s eye. He was smiling and had an expression on his face that caused me to chuckle. It was the look he gave me often when I hadn’t figured something out that was obvious. I called it his duh face.
“So, you’re done wallowing?” he asked when he got close to me.
“Huh? Wallowing? I’m not wallowing.”
Lysander gently kissed my lips, then pulled back. “You are the king of wallowing. I should have the crystal you gave me for Christmas last year turned into your head so you can see yourself as the king of wallowing you are.”
I smiled. “I miss you. I miss you so much, Lysander.”
