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“It drove you to the point you don’t know how to pick your foot up off the fuckin’ gas pedal.” She was driving herself into the ground, trying to get where she thought she needed to be. Where Reilly needed to be.
She had a goal, but Deacon could see she was the type of person who kept moving the goal posts. She couldn’t stop until there was nothing left of her to give.
“She’s not grown yet.”
She sacrificed her childhood for her sister, and now, as an adult, she was doing the same even though Reilly was no longer a kid. “She’s grown, Reese. You’re just havin’ a hard time seein’ it. The rest of us can.”
“But Billy—”
“Bullshit. Lots of Warrens in the world, babe. More than you know. You can’t protect her from all of them. You can’t stop her from makin’ mistakes.”
“I can try.”
“Who protected you?”
“Nobody.”
“Right. And look at you now.”
“Lying in a biker’s bed.”
She was ignoring the success she worked hard to build by making light of where she currently was. With him. “Ain’t so bad, is it?”
“Depends who you ask.”
Yeah, he wasn’t stupid. He knew full well he wasn’t on the other side of the goalposts. He wasn’t even on her playing field. “I’m askin’ you.”
“Earlier today on the run and again in The Barn... Being around your brothers. The sweet butts. The whole lifestyle. It reminded me of how far I’ve come and how I never want to go back.”
“This life ain’t bad, babe.”
She was a woman afraid of losing everything she worked for. She’d clawed her way with broken and bloody nails to the top and didn’t want anyone or anything dragging her back down to the bottom.
Apparently, she had it in her head being involved with him and his club would take her back. That his lifestyle would grip her by the ankles and drag her back to the bottom.
“But it’s not my life.”
He got that this life wasn’t for everyone. Didn’t mean it didn’t bother him that Reese felt that way. Normally it wouldn’t, but it did with her.
“I’m sorry but today caused a flashback. It made me panic and realize where we might have ended up if I hadn’t worked so damn hard. That could’ve been me—or Reilly—walking topless around a bunch of men, doing whatever I could, just hoping one of them would shower me with a little attention. Even if I needed to suck them off or have sex with them.”
“They know what they’re walkin’ into when they come here. And they can leave at any time. No one’s forcin’ them to stay. No one’s forcin’ them to suck or ride a cock. No one.”
“What are they hoping to get out of it?”
“Like you said, the attention, I guess. Maybe they like the fact no one’s gonna judge them for sleepin’ with Easy one night and Whip the next. You said yourself that we judge women differently from men. You’re doin’ it, too. How d’you know they ain’t here ‘cause they can get all the dick they want? Maybe they love sex. They know it’s an environment they ain’t gonna get raped or beat the fuck up if they say no. Or even for talkin’ back. When, if it comes down to it, they’re under our protection ‘cause they belong to us. They can drink all they want and not worry about wakin’ up in some alley after being gang banged. Yeah, maybe their morals are a little loose but then, so are ours. They belong to us and we protect what’s ours.”
“Property.”
“Yeah, Reese, property. They belong to the BFMC ‘til they decide they don’t. But that’s their decision unless they do somethin’ stupid.”
“What about you? Your brothers? Is it just as easy for you to walk away?”
“No reason to walk away.”
“What if there was?”
“There won’t be.”
“Humor me.”
He normally didn’t talk club business with the women he fucked. But Reese wasn’t just a woman he was using, and she just unloaded a lot of shit because he asked, so he could give her an answer on this. “You buy out your membership. Cover your colors. Give up your cut. But the hardest part of all that is givin’ up your brotherhood. Givin’ up havin’ your brothers at your back.”
“That loyal, huh?”
“Yeah, that fuckin’ loyal. Some clubs are fucked up. Lot of shit goin’ down. Backstabbing. Drama. Fightin’ within the ranks. Power struggles. Illegal businesses which could bring in the pigs, if not the feds. Trip’s workin’ hard to do it right and avoid all that. He and some others, like my cousin, witnessed the way the Fury burned to the ground over twenty years ago. They learned from the Originals’ mistakes. Not sayin’ we won’t make any, but he and the others know what not to do. Gotta respect him for that. You had a goal to make somethin’ from nothin’, so did our prez.” He grabbed her chin and forced her to meet his eyes. “Believe it or not, you two are a lot alike. But while he’s super fuckin’ focused, he also knows how to let loose. He knows how to forget the heavy shit for a while and enjoy everything he’s built. You need to learn that. What’s the point of buildin’ a life like you got if you can’t enjoy it? Or die tryin’ ‘cause you don’t think it’s enough?” Or will ever be enough. She could drive herself so hard she could destroy herself.
