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Now that I know he’s more than a friend, I find my heart filled with the love I’ve always felt for him. After everything I’ve been through, JD has been patient and kind, like I always knew he was. But more so now that he’s watched me hurt and offered me the salve I needed with his presence. I’m smiling because I know we’re here together.
For a long, long time.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Autumn
It’s only been a couple weeks since the move. Over the past few days, we’ve grown closer. Kisses, hugs, and tonight, I want more. I think I’m ready, and I want him to see me as a woman now.
I don’t want to be weak.
And I certainly don’t want to be the girl who loses herself after something that was never in her control. I’ve been talking to a therapist after classes every day since we moved. She’s given me a lot to think about. I shouldn’t feel like a victim, but a survivor.
And as she says, survivors are warriors.
The man I love is slowly overcoming his pain as well. I know the heartache he suffered from losing his father and then having to look for me has taken its toll on him. His strength is there, lingering under his fear that I could just walk away.
Allowing him into my brokenness has been a challenge, but I’m here, and I need him to know I’m not leaving. I’m certainly not walking away from him. He’s been good to me. Giving me space when I need it and being close when I yearn for it.
The sun warms my face as I look up at the sky. Being in Virginia is so different from New York. And as much as I miss my mom, I know I need to be here for JD and me. Our relationship means so much to me.
My stomach grumbles, reminding me to eat. This happens every day, each time I focus on my writing. Journaling my thoughts and emotions have helped, but I also need to do my schoolwork, which has been difficult to focus on. I need to grab a snack or something before I dive into my project for next week, which is waiting for me.
Trying to get my life back on track has been difficult. It’s felt like an uphill climb, but at least I have my mother and JD who are here, alive and healthy.
JD has his work, and I have my studies, and together, I hope we can find common ground to work at our relationship.
The door whooshes open, forcing a scream to fall free from my lips. But those eyes, those emotion-filled eyes, lock on me.
“Shit, I’m so sorry,” JD says, racing toward me as I shiver at the thought of someone breaking in. It’s stupid. I’ve been away from that place for weeks, but I still have this innate fear that he’ll find me. Even after they locked him away for multiple life sentences.
“It’s okay,” I whisper as JD’s arms wrap around my shaking body. It’s not really okay, I hate that he feels like this, guilty each time he walks into the apartment. I don’t want him to feel like he needs to tread on eggshells with me. Not anymore.
Memories attack me when his hand reaches for my hip. The phantom pain is still there, the coldness of the chains that bound me in that cell still grips me, and I tug away from him.
JD flinches at my action, and immediately, guilt fills my chest with agony at just how broken I am. I’m fractured. And I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to fix me or if I’ll be able to fix myself.
“I was going to make something to eat,” I tell him, hoping to shift his focus from my reaction to the here and now.
“Okay.” He nods, watching me for a silent moment before he says, “I’m just going to shower. I’m sorry.” The last two words linger between us, hanging on the edge of the pain that’s so clearly broken us apart. Tears fill my eyes at the heartbreak in his dark eyes. JD turns and heads down the hallway, leaving me to watch his retreating form with guilt gripping my heart.
Sighing, I enter the kitchen and grab some items from the fridge. With my mind turning a million miles a minute, I make a sandwich and slowly eat it while standing at the counter. I can’t taste anything but remorse for what’s going on between us.
The sound of the shower echoes through the apartment, and I set the sandwich down. With my mind made up, I walk down the hall and into the bedroom. The scent of his cologne fills it, and the sweet memories of our life before I was kidnapped infiltrate the darkness that’s already there.
