Oh crap.
Jacob looked into the hungry eyes of the church ladies. Thiswasn’t just a little taste- whatever he’d done he had made them hungry and he was looking like a full meal.
“I think those ladies want to jump your bones.” Teddy responded.
“I think those ladies want to devour me.” Jacob grimaced. “What do I do?”
“I suggest you run.” Teddy responded. “And quickly.”
“Tic! Get back here!” Jacob responded as he called out after his friend.
While by no means athletic, Jacob pursued his friend as fast as he could. Following close behind by the gaggle of horny older women who were catcalling him the entire time.
“I want to ride him so hard I break his skinny bones!” Edna called out. Jacob frowned- Edna was no longer his favorite.
Whatever he had expected to happen this Saturday- this wasn’t it.
Moving fast he followed Tic into the sanctuary, closing the doors behind him.
“Bar the doors!” Teddy whispered. Jacob looked around for something to keep the women out, but there was nothing. The small lock on the door wouldn’t suffice for long but it would have to do. He flipped it for what little protection it could provide, but knew he’d have to find something else. He started to back away from the door fearing the thirsty ladies on the other side.
“You’re early,” Jacob turned to see Joe standing in the middle of the sanctuary. Tic and Jeff were both standing off to one side. “But for what it’s worth, I’m glad you could make it.”
“What…Jeff? What are you doing here?” Jacob asked. “And…Tic? What the hell is going on here Joe?” He could feel a white hot anger burning inside of him. Something weird was going on and he did not like being kept in the dark.
“I guess the cat is out of the bag. Surprise!” Joe shrugged sheepishly as he stepped forward.
“What…What?” Jacob asked, his words failing him even more than usual.
“I recruited them. They’re some of your closest friends so I needed them to help with this.” Joe responded.
“What are you talking about? What is this?” Jacob spat. “Joe what the hell is going on?”
There was a slam at the door. The women were trying to get in. He wasn’t sure how long the door, or their hips, would last.
“You really are unobservant aren’t you?” Joe smiled as he motioned around him. Then Jacob realized what was there. The entire sanctuary was covered in candles- it was amazing that it hadn’t set off the fire alarm. Joe was wearing formal garments that made him look amazing. His hair was perfect, and the entire space seemed to be buzzing with a romantic energy. Music began to play through the speakers- Kylie- as the world around them suddenly felt very claustrophobic.
Another slam at the door. Jacob jumped.
“What is that?” Tic asked, pointing to the door.
“Don’t answer it!” Jacob warned.
“I wanted to surprise you-” Joe motioned to the space around him. If he could hear the women, he certainly wasn’t paying any attention to them.
“What are you-” Jacob’s thought was interrupted by another slam at the door. One of the women began to scratch at it like a cat begging to be let in.
This was getting out of hand.
“Jacob…I’ve only really known you for a few days but they have been some of the best and happiest of my life…”Tears were welling up in his eyes.
“Oh fuck off…” Teddy whispered.
“I know this might seem sudden but I guess when you know, you know. I can’t stop thinking about you. For months now you’ve made me coffee, but now with you being here- you’ve made mecomplete.”
“Oh god.” Teddy threw up.
That horrible feeling in his stomach intensified. It was stronger than any he’d ever experienced before. He was pretty sure that any second he’d be following Teddy’s lead.
