“Good. Please be done. This is tiring.” The bird responded.
“You’re a bird?” Jacob finally whispered.
“Real fucking observant ain’t ya?” The bird snarked. “Names Teddy. Who the fuck are you?”
“Jacob?” He eventually responded.
“You’re not sure?” Teddy queried.
“You’re a bird?” Jacob pondered back.
“I’m going to need to use small words with you aren’t I?” Teddy responded.
“What…How are you talking?”
“With my mouth dipshit. You going to keep asking stupid questions?”
“I’m trying not to- I just- What are you?” Jacob asked.
“I’m Teddy. I’m your familiar.”
“What?”
“Look, you wanted someone to come and unlock your innate magical abilities and that’s why I’m here. I’m here to make all your problems-”
“Better?”
“I mean, at least more interesting.”
“What do you mean you came to unlock my magical abilities?” Jacob asked.
“Let me just clear up a few things. First, are you or are you not a witch?” Teddy responded.
“I’m not a witch?” Jacob asked, once again unsure what this line of questioning was for.
“Wrong tuck nuts. If I’m here, you is definitely witch. A male witch, which is fine, I don’t judge, but a defo witch.” The seagull was eyeing him in a way that made him feel like he was a piece of pizza crust or something.
“I think I would know what I am.” Jacob responded.
“No. Of course not. What a stupid notion.” Teddy laughed with a caw. “I know what I am.” Jacob fumed.
“No. You don’t. That’s why I’m here.” Teddy responded, puffing out his chest like a proud peacock.
“Is…Is this real?” Jacob asked.
“Probably? Who knows, maybe you’re just a big fucking idiotdreaming again.”
“That does seem more realistic to be fair.” Jacob responded.
“Look numbnuts, I’m here so you better get used to having big exciting magical whatever in your life, kapeesh?” Teddy yawned in a way that confused Jacob. He never realized that seagulls could have so many teeth. With a happy bounce, Teddy hopped over to the dresser and laid down upon one of his shirts.
“Please don’t make a mess.” Jacob responded.
“I won’t.” Teddy began. “Make any promises.”
4
Latte.
