“Why wouldn’t you?” I ask, trying not to be too judgmental and say the first thing that comes to my mind. “Stay here, I mean?”
“Uncertainty,” she says simply. “What if it’s all for nothing? What if he cheats again? What if I pick up everything for him, bring my whole life here, and it all falls apart?”
“Has he been with other women since then?” I ask.
“According to Brandon, no,” she replies. “He said Eric’s been really trying to get his shit together.”
“I’m not going to pretend to try to understand your situation, Ry,” I begin. “But perhaps there’s something to be said for following your heart, even if it might lead you down the most reckless, uncertain path.”
We’re parked at the restaurant at this point. Rylee turns and looks knowingly at me. She knows exactly what I’m talking about, and it isn’t necessarily just about her relationship with Eric.
“You’ve really got it bad for him, don’t you?” she murmurs, as if maybe she hadn’t understood completely before.
“It’s not like I saw this coming,” I sigh. “I’ve wished every minute since I found out about Lily that I didn’t feel this way, but I just can’t shake it.”
“I know you can’t,” she smiles in understanding. “Grayson hasn’t looked happy in a long time. He’s not a cheater, either—in fact, he’s loyal, sometimes to a fault. So I’m not sure what’s going on. But he deserves better, and we all know it.”
I want Rylee’s words to make me feel better, but they don’t.
They only make me want to be with him more.
Why would Grayson stay with someone who makes him unhappy, who isn’t right for him?
If my mother could see me now…
As we walk inside the restaurant, the pit in my stomach grows larger. When the waitress brings our food, I pick at it, uninterested, while I watch Rylee eat.
I have to get out of this city and back to my life, before I start to forget what normal feels like.
Rylee and I stand backstage while the band does their soundcheck for tonight’s show. I had wanted to stay at the house, but Rylee wouldn’t let me. Besides her usual “if I have to go, you have to go” excuse that she uses frequently back home, she said it was better for me to act like nothing’s wrong, because the sooner I do, the sooner it will be true. I’m not sure I believe her, but at this point, I’m willing to give anything a shot.
From the moment we get into Brandon’s Bronco to drive to the venue, I can tell something’s up with Rylee, and I’m absolutely certain it has something to do with Eric and the rest of the conversation I’d overheard this morning.
“Did you and Eric finish your talk?”
“Yeah, we did,” she sighs, still looking unsettled. “It wasn’t going well for a while. Actually, most of it was yelling, so I’m surprised you don’t already know how it went.”
“Shit, Ry,” I breathe, shaking my head. “Did you work it out? What happened?”
Rylee tells me about how angry Eric had been that she continuously wouldn’t agree to move to LA. She explains that she feels there were more cons than pros, and how Eric thinks the exact opposite. I begin to wonder how healthy this relationship is, if it’s worth all the arguing and the guilt Rylee feels, especially after what I’ve learned about Eric today.
“I finally convinced him that I care about him,” Rylee continues. “But in order to do it, I said some things I don’t think I really wanted to say, but if I didn’t say them, I would lose him.”
“Well, what on earth did you tell him?” I demand, knowing my friend well enough to know she could have done something completely irrational. “That you’d marry him or something?”
“Listen, Mia,” she huffs. “Eric told me he loved me maybe a year after we started this whole mess, but I never said it back. When we talked after we got back, he kept saying things liketellme what I mean to you. The only way I knew how to convince him that I meant what I was saying was to say it back, so I did.”
“He’s been waiting for you to say it back for two years?” I glare, deciding that holding back my opinion isn’t the answer right now. “And now you’ve said it and you don’t even know if you meant it? Rylee...”
“Don’t act like he’s all lonely and sad, Mia. I haven’t told you much about this because neither one of us is particularly innocent here, but Eric has slept with plenty of other girls since he said that. One of them was Grayson’s sister, and I haven’t spoken to Eric since I found out about her a year ago. He most definitely has not just been sitting around waiting for me.”
“Okay, fair. I don’t know a lot about you two, but you’ll have to talk to him again, and it won’t be easy. And honestly, Ry, did you mean what you said?”
“I’m only scared because I think I did,” she says.
The music on stage fades as the band finishes their runthrough ofShatter Me Louderfor soundcheck. Once Eric reaches us, he wraps an arm around Rylee’s shoulders and kisses the side of her forehead. He walks with her to the dressing room, high heels and heartbreak echoing behind them. Watching them walk away, I wonder if the only thing more terrifying than falling in love is admitting you already have.
Chapter six
