After all the years, the silence, the bitterness—I finally have the answer I’ve wanted my whole adult life.
It doesn’t erase the pain, but it makes it real. I can’t forgive the years of silence completely, but I want her to know what my life is like now before it’s too late. Before the cancer destroys her so badly that she won’t be coherent enough for it to mean anything.
“I got divorced less than a week ago,” I say bluntly.
My mom smiles sympathetically. “Your sister mentioned.”
“I wasn’t happy.”
“Are you happy now?”
I think about it for a moment. I’ve built up so many walls to get through the day to day that the feeling ofhappyjust isn’t familiar to me anymore.
“I’m working on it,” I say honestly. “The band’s doing great. We’re about to start our next tour. And I reconnected with Mia Alexander, from across the street.”
“Mia…” Mom muses. “She’s the youngest of the Alexander girls, right?”
I nod. “She’s incredible. I’d just been sleepwalking through the last ten years of my life, you know? She woke me up.”
“I remember her. Their father leaving really did a number on all of them, but their mother always said that Mia had the worst of it. Rebekah did mention at her last visit that she thought Mia was doing really well in Texas—something about a media job, living with a friend from work.”
Mia doesn’t talk about her father much. Her oldest sister had been in my grade, and I vaguely remember the year that Mr. Alexander left, but it was around the same time that my own father died.
“That friend turned out to be my bassist’s little sister,” I explain. “When I saw Mia for the first time after all these years, it felt like fate or something. She’s a big part of why I’m here. She’s across the street visiting with her mom right now, but I’d love to reintroduce you to her, if you’re up for it.”
“That would be wonderful, Grayson,” my mother says.
Then, suddenly, everything isn’t so wonderful anymore. All of the color drains from her face almost instantaneously, and her hands fly to cover her mouth. I thought that maybe it was just nausea, that this is normal, but then she starts vomiting blood.
“Mom,” I say, rushing to her side and making sure to grab my phone. “Mom, I’m calling 911. It’s going to be fine, okay? I’ve got you.”
She nods, her hands still covering her mouth, the blood all over her face and clothes. My thoughts were everywhere and nowhere all at once. I attempt to process what’s happening and fix it at the same time, telling the paramedics our address and as many details as I can think of. I hold onto her for dear life until the ambulance comes. She’s unconscious by the time they get there.
Just as the paramedics are loading her into the ambulance, I hear someone calling my name. I turn, and there’s Mia—barefoot, breathless, her eyes wide with panic as she runs across the lawn.
“What the hell happened?” she exclaims with concern covering her voice. “Are you okay? Is she okay?”
“I don’t know,” I respond, shaking my head. “She just started throwing up blood out of nowhere, and now she’s unconscious. I’ve got to go to the hospital.”
“Grayson,” she whispers, pulling me closer to her. “Do you want me to come with you?”
I try to relax into her, but my mind is still racing. I don’t want to let her go, but my mom needs me.
“Take the car and follow us,” I say, handing her the keys from my pocket. “And call Joey, please? Just tell her what’s going on, and tell her to get here.”
The paramedics motion for me and I climb into the ambulance. The doors slam shut behind me with a metallic finality, cutting me off from everything except the sound of my mother’s shallow breathing and the steady rhythm of the monitors.
Then, we’re gone—speeding toward a future I don’t know how to face.
Chapter twenty-one
"Let It Go" - James Bay
Mia
Iwatch as the ambulance lights flash and the vehicle begins its descent. I look at the keys that Grayson put in my hand, at a loss for what I’m going to say when I call Johanna. I know my mother will be worried too, but she and our unfinished conversation are the least of my worries. I manage to slip back into the house to grab my abandoned shoes, unnoticed, before heading back to the car.
I press the ignition button and the car rumbles to life, my hands shaking as I fumble through my phone to find Johanna’s contact.
