But it doesn’t stop the way my body reels from the sudden impact. It doesn’t stop it from feeling like everything’s on fire.
Dark and dangerous, he continues. “I need space. I need to do this without you.”
I nod. Because what else is there to do?
My throat burns and my eyes sting, but I don’t let the tears fall. He doesn’t get to see me fall apart.
He doesn’t say goodbye. Instead, he gathers his jacket, his sister, and every piece of himself that I love without another word.
As the door shuts behind him, he doesn’t look back. Then I realize—I don’t know if he ever will.
Chapter thirty-six
"I Think I'm Okay" - Sad Version, mgk
Grayson
“Goodnight, Miami!” I yell over the mic. “You’ve been fucking incredible. Stay charismatic!”
The final roar of the crowd still pulsates in my chest as I tear off my monitors and walk off stage. Sweat clings to my back and every nerve in my body feels like it’s still lit up like a fucking live wire. I just played the biggest show of my life, and it feels incredible. I feel likemeagain.
The second the lights hit me, everything else faded into the background. The nerves, the doubt, the weight of everything waiting off stage—it all disappeared. I was able to lose myself in the music again, in the way the crowd screamed each song right along with us, the way Eric played his solos like he was trying to rip the soul out of his guitar, how Brandon and I kept locking eyes on our shared verses like we were reading each other's minds. Even Tony was going ballistic behind the drums, and no one missed a beat. We had been on fire—exactly the way we should’ve been.
Jake is losing his mind—in a good way this time—already shrieking about how perfect the show had gone to anyone who would listen. In fact, I’m probably going to get tackled the second I make it out of this hallway.
But I can’t stop.
I keep moving, pushing past the production team, through all of the stagehands and staff. I’m looking for my girl.
She’s always the first person I want to see after a show, the anchor that brings me back to earth after the high, the only person I want to spend this moment with. She’d promised me she’d be here, and I know she wouldn’t miss this moment for anything.
Where is she?
I hadjustseen her, jumping around in the wings with my sister during the show, but she isn’t there now. She isn’t in the loading tunnel, or the hallway outside the dressing room, or anywhere I expected to see her. The crew has been very insistent that she stay close for her safety, so when I don’t see her in the dressing room either, I begin to worry.
I pull out my phone to send her a text—Where are you? We did it! I need to see you!
But I don’t end up typing a word.
Because before I can even unlock my screen, I see it.
One Missed Call—Cumberland County Hospice
My thumb hovers over the notification as I close the door to the dressing room behind me. I stare at it so long that I stop hearing the chaos around me.
I know what this is.
I knew this was coming—Johanna and I hadjusttalked about it this afternoon.
But that doesn’t mean I’m ready.
I open my voicemail and the message starts playing automatically, giving me no time to brace myself.
“Hi, this is Katherine from Cumberland County Hospice. Mr. Harris, I know you’re busy, but we’ve been trying to get in touch with you and your sister regarding your mother. It’s urgent, so please give us a call as soon as possible.”
Click.
That’s it.
