“I’ve thought about you and your sisters every day. I know I have no right to say it, but it’s the truth.”
“Youthoughtabout us,” I laugh. Cold. Hollow. “Great. That’s great. What am I supposed to do with that?”
“I don’t know how to make this right, Mia,” he says. “Just tell me what you want from me, and I’ll do it.”
“You can’t,” I tell him. “That’s what you don’t get. There’s not an apology that fixes it. Nothing makes up for all the missed birthdays and graduations, or teaching us how to drive, or telling us that boys who lie don’t love us. You missedall of it—and now you have to live with it.”
He looks wrecked. Good.
“I’m not here to reconnect,” I continue. “I’m here to remind myself that abandonment doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I survived without you. More than survived. My photos are in national magazines. I’ve got crowds of people screaming my name every night. I’ve got a life that most people would kill for.”
I step toward the door, gripping the handle before pausing.
“The man I love left me,” I say without turning around. “He left me, and you know what? I almost let it break me. But then I remembered something.” I turn to face him one last time.
“I don’t have to keep loving people that make leaving look easy.”
He opens his mouth and says, barely audibly, “I’m sorry, Mia.”
“Don’t youfuckingdare tell anyone else who sees that video that I’m your daughter.”
Chapter forty
"Need You Most (So Sick)" - The Kid Laroi
Grayson
The funeral is over. Johanna and I are alone again.
The house has gone from smelling like a hospital to smelling like the deli aisle at the grocery store combined with old-lady perfume and bad wine. It feels more hollow now than it had when we first arrived.
I sit on the edge of the bed that used to be mine. My dresser is covered with unopened envelopes—sympathy cards, some estatepaperwork from the lawyer, and the last of the bills from the funeral home. I can’t make myself deal with any of it.
My phone buzzes on the comforter beside me. I move a little too quickly, hoping to see the name I’ve been repeating on a loop for days. But it’s not her.
Incoming Call:Jake Crenshaw
I think about ignoring it, like I have with everyone else, but I know Jake well enough to know he’ll keep calling until I pick up. It’s easier to deal with him now.
“Yeah.”
There’s a pause. “Hey, man.” His voice is cautious. Like he isn’t sure what version of me he’s going to get. Very un-Jake like. “I know it’s not… a good time,” he continues. “But I needed to tell you something.”
I don’t say anything. There’s only one thing I want to hear, and I know this isn’t it.
“We got it,” Jake says. “The record deal. It’s done. Our lawyers approved it this afternoon. You’ll need to be in Austin in a few days to meet with the label and sign with the rest of the guys, plus there’s a show after to announce the deal and close out the tour.”
My heart doesn’t leap. My stomach doesn’t drop. This should’ve been one of the highlights of my life, and I don’t feel anything at all.
“That it?” I ask flatly.
I’m not sure what else to say. I know I should be excited, should be leaping off the bed to go pack my bags, but it feels like there’s a giant anvil sitting on my chest.
“You don’t have to pretend,” Jake says. “I know everything’s a mess over there. But this is huge, Grayson. You and the guys have been chasing a deal like this for over a decade. You need to be at this show.”
I swallow, my throat tight. “Yeah. I know. I will be.”
Jake hesitates. “I, uh… I tried Mia. She didn’t pick up. I just figured she’d want to know.”
