Harsh, unyielding climax rolled through me, surprising me. I had been wholly focused on the look of him, the way his body tightened as he held himself up on his arms and thrust his hips against me.
It surprised him too. He lowered himself as he came, grazing his teeth against my shoulder in response to my pleasure as well as his.
He laughed darkly as the waves of my release continued to shudder through me while I clutched him to myself.
I leaned up and bit him hard in retaliation, but he only laughed harder. "Wicked girl," he said, reaching back to run his hand along my backside and down my leg.
"Cruel man," I said, kissing the skin I had bitten.
"Speaking of wicked," he said, sliding himself free and moving to my side. He propped himself up on an elbow. "Did I tell you the first time I sensed what you were feeling? I didn't understand it then, of course."
I shook my head, curious.
He laid his hand on my chest as though feeling my heartbeat. "It was when I had my mouth on you—in those moments before you told me what the necromancer had done."
I furrowed my brow, trying to remember the moments before.
His words were deep and rumbled out in a near purr. "I slid my finger down your ass, and I could tell what you wanted me to do with it."
I gasped as realization dawned. "Shut up!" I told him, turning my head into his chest to hide the embarrassment even as my body shook with laughter.
"Don't feel bad," he said, cupping my backside and drawing me closer. "I think about that far more often than you do."
I dared to look up at him and he was gloating, his face supremely set in male satisfaction.
But then he reached down and kissed me, lightly on the lips. "Let's get some sleep. We'll be home by tomorrow, and you can show me exactly what you had in mind."
The words had a visceral reaction as dread rolled through me at the idea of home. It surprised me with how badly I wanted it. To go home—to belong there with him.
Every moment since we had left Aben and Britaxia, I had forcefully shoved away all thoughts of how or when I would manage to get him to understand. How I would manage to make myself understand that this was not the future laid out before me.
I couldn't go home with him—couldn't let him take me into Dragon's Reach for everyone to see—and know! There would be no way to salvage the alliance if everyone saw me there—the way he had claimed me. The king would never take me if he knew what we had done—what we were to each other.
"Sera, what's wrong?" He rose over me, eyes darting over my face, looking for some sign of sickness or injury.
I knew what he sensed in me was different, like a physical torment, ripping me apart, stealing the air from my lungs. Terror and heartache coupled with wild agonizing regret and anger coursed through me. He wouldn't know what to do with the mess of emotions building in me.
"I'm fine," I choked out. "Let's go to sleep." I turned my face away, praying that I could manage some control if given a few moments.
"Bullshit. You're terrified," he said, shock lacing his tone. "I've never seen you like this. Fucking talk to me, Sera," he demanded.
My breathing was becoming ragged as I tried to calm myself. "You can't take me to Dragon's Reach. It's not my home. It can't be my home!" A sob, the kind of visceral sob that comes from a small child wrenched from my chest.
I sat up, turning my back and covering my mouth, trying to stop it, horrified by the sound that was coming from me. I was embarrassed for him to see me so weak, so out of control. I bit down hard on my fist.
He reached for me, and I nearly shook him off, but in the end, I could no more do that than I could walk away from him—and thus was the fuel for my terror.
The realization of what I was ready to do, the fact that I was going to Darkwatch—the fact of who and what I would sacrifice for him—that was what had that sob bursting from me.
"Talk to me, Sera," he coaxed, his face next to mine and his arms around me.
"I—I can't do it, Io. I can't." I didn't know what I was saying. I can't leave you? I can't stay? I can't talk about it?
"It will be okay, Sera," he said, soothingly. "You have to trust me on this."
"How can I do that?" I said, turning to face him. "How can I not only tear your family apart, but your kingdom? How can I abandon my people—or else send you into a war you won't survive without even half the men you would need to win? And how can I walk away from you when I know I will die if I do it?" I was nearly yelling then, so strong were the emotions surging through me.
I began shaking, feeling some charge striking through my limbs. I felt my teeth grind together as my muscles all grew taut.
