“And part of it ain't your fault.” She laughed, a sudden lightness pushing through the pain. “You couldn't have known that by leaving you, I'd learn what real love looks like. That I'd discover the pure joy of having someone put me and my son first, to choose us over everything else, even his own reputation. That I'd meet a gentle man who listened and supported my ideas and even found ways to spend time with me and Charlie just because he wanted to. You couldn't know it would change me. That I would learn—” Tears tightened her throat. “That I would believe I'm worth a love like that.”
He searched her face, his jaw clenching and unclenching. “I could love you like that, if you'd just give me the chance.”
“You had the chance,” she whispered.
“You just wait, Kizzie.” He leaned close, eyes narrowed. “Whatever you think you have with thisgentlemanwon't last. He'll change his mind. When the rumors come and the nasty looks happen, he'll feel the sting. It may not start out that way, but over time, the truth that these children aren't his, that you really belong to someone else, will beat away at whatever you think he feels for you. That's how it works in the real world. Good men don't give up their reputations for another man's used goods.”
All pretense fled. Despite his grand declarations, he finally disclosed the truth of his real thoughts about her. Used goods.
Another label to add to the list of names others called her.
She smiled. But she knew better names too. Ones to eclipse the others.
Beloved. God's. Redeemed. Whole.
Darling.
“It doesn't matter, Charles.” Even though Noah could change his mind any second, Kizzie knew now that she wasn't what Charles or George or anyone else called her. She belonged to God, and she wasn't used goods or unlovely to Him.
She was His beloved child.
“I'm not going to go with you. I'd rather live on my own than live in the shameful and belittled place of a woman others consider not worthy of respect, love, or marriage. I'm not changing my good world right now for a future without those.”
“But—” Charles drew back as if she'd hit him. “You belong to me. The children are mine, and so are you.”
Fear wavered a second in her heart, but she shoved it away. “No, I'm not. I belong to God, and because I know that now, I can choose His path for me. Not yours.”
He nearly singed her with his glare. “You'll change your mind.” He laughed, a humorless sound as he backed toward the doorway. “When you get knocked off of your high horse and you really need someone, you'll come back to me, and then you'll take whatever I've got to give you.” He raised his finger, drilling it into the air. “And I'll do what's right for my children. I'll take care of them despite their mama's ways. You'll get tired of living your life alone, and thenyou'llfindme.”
Chapter 26
KIZZIE SWEPT THE STORE FLOORas the workday came to an end. She'd set Charlie up in a little box nearby, where he played with a set of wooden animals Gayle bought for him, his happy little noises mixing in with the sounds of people passing on the street on their way home from work or shopping.
She'd spent the afternoon and evening of the day before going over her meeting with Charles, and with each recollection, her heart freed a little more from the guilt hovering over his arrival.
Even if Noah returned and had changed his mind about a future with her, her conscience and heart were clear. She knew how to respond to the question “Who are you?” And the answer truly was too wonderful.
Within the folds of her mama's Bible, God kept repeating the truth over and over.
She belonged to Him.
He had called her by name. She was His.
And as she'd read Psalm 139, the words poured over her healing heart.
Thou hast searched me, and known me … and art acquainted with all my ways.
Which meant God had known about her baby when He'd given her forgiveness and helped her start over in The Hollows. He'd known Charles would come and offer her an escape from reliving her shame in her new world. And God had known she'd fall in love with Noah.
And by showing her what love truly looked like in so many forms, He'd taught her about herself.
Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me.
God was all around her. Knew her through and through, and still loved her. A tingle started at the bridge of her nose. He loved her anyway.
And deep inside, she knew Noah did too. That he was an example of how human love could look on this earth. In God's best way, where two hearts blended together to beat as one. Patient. Kind. Selfless.
It truly was “too wonderful” for her.
