Tears are falling pretty heavily now, wetting Tyler’s shirt.
“It’s just too much,” I say into his neck.
“What’s too much?”
I pull back so I can look into his eyes. “You and me. There’s too much between us to try to figure out. I meant what I said the other day about not being able to compare to Kristen, and I haven’t changed my mind.”
“Yes, I loved Kristen, but I love you, too.”
His words burn inside my heart.
IknowTyler loves me, but I’m scared.
“I’m not sure love is enough.”
Tyler’s hands are on my cheeks, wiping away tears with his thumbs. “This love is different with you than it was with Kristen. When she first died, I couldn’t even imagine falling in love again. I literally thought that I would be alone for the rest of my life. And then you came along, and now I can’t imagine not being with you.” Tyler presses his forehead against mine. “And what you did the other day in Diane’s office, the way you stood up for me, no one’s ever done that before. Your confidence in my parenting—inme—is the most helpful thing anyone’s done for me since Kristen died.”
“I meant what I said. You’re a good dad, Tyler. You don’t need me or anyone else to help you see that, or even to help you raise Krew. You’re doing a great job.”
“You’re right. I don’tneedyou. I see that now. But Meg, Iwantyou. You’re the person I want to be with. The person I want to turn to when I've just won the championship. When the entire team runs to the pitcher or to the kid who just hit the home run, I want to run to you. You make everything better. You make the losses bearable and the wins complete.”
It’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, and yet, my heart can’t convince my head that his words are enough.
* * *
TYLER
She’s going to tell me no. I can feel it. I can feel my heart breaking again, like it’s the first night without Kristen. It’s surreal. I know it’s going to hurt so badly. I know my chest will feel tight and my breaths will be difficult, but I can’t feel the pain yet. I have to hear Meg say the words. I have to hear her reject me one last time before I can believe it.
“I love you.” I pull her shoulders into my chest, hugging her tight again. “I love you, Meg.”
She doesn’t say anything. We stand like that for what seems like forever, crying in each other’s arms, until Meg steps back, wiping her face with the sleeve of her shirt. Her eyes are puffy, but she still looks beautiful. I hope I remember her like this forever—fragile, vulnerable, and painfully beautiful.
I glance at her blue eyes, a question lingers in my gaze, an intense desire to know what she’s going to do.
“I’m sorry, Tyler,” she says as she releases the hug. “The situation is too much.”
The space between us crushes a piece of my heart, and I clasp both hands behind my head, my elbows sticking out like triangles. I pace back and forth for a moment, breathing deeply.
“You’re making a mistake.”
“I’m sorry.”
I drop my hands to my side. “You’re making a mistake.”
Then I walk out of her apartment…alone.
CHAPTER40
MEG
Breaking up with Tyler was rough.
I stop my car in my dad’s driveway, and I turn the ignition off. My hands stay on the steering wheel, and I rest my head against them, looking over at his house. There’s a soft light coming through the front window. I can picture my dad sitting in his recliner with the news on. He’s probably half-asleep, half listening.
Normally, I wouldn’t hesitate to go in, but I’ve been so awful to my family lately, especially my dad. And now that I need support, I come running back. I hate the hypocrisy of it all, but I need my dad. It’s time to swallow my pride and apologize.
The porch lights turn on, and the front door swings open. My dad stands there in his pajamas, waving me inside. I don’t know how he knew I was here, that I need him, but he does.
