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“Don’t be scared, Luna,” Moffy tells his sister during our trek. “They won’t hurt you.”
“What your big brother said.” I nod resolutely.
Luna nods like me. She has chubby baby cheeks that Lo smothers with kisses. I wrap Luna more securely and warmly in my arms and kiss her cheek with a whisper of, “I love you, Luna.”
She kisses her palm and then puts her hand over my…eye.
I smile, but it fades as three paparazzi start walking backwards just to videotape us from the front.
“Hey, Maximoff,” a college-aged cameraman greets, much younger than the other paparazzi. He’s shared info about his personal life with us. Like dropping out of Penn State to make a living filming the Calloway sisters, their men and children. Like how he prefers cargo board shorts and tying his long brown hair in a bun.
Out of all the paparazzi, he’s the least threatening and never aggressive.
Every kid, from all of our families, loves him.
“Robby!” Moffy smiles and lets go of my hand for a second. Don’t freak out. Moffy knows not to talk to strangers and paparazzi when we’re not with him and to stay close when we are, but his guard drops around Robby.
Moffy bumps fists with him.
I’m shier and more introverted than a five and one-year-old. This is my weird universe.
“Have you been up to anything cool, Maximoff?” Robby asks as he walks backwards, camera in hand. Lo and I have repeatedly taught Moffy that anything he says will be uploaded online or aired on entertainment television. He might only be five, but he does understand that he’s different.
He sees that we’re the only people being followed, especially in a city that’s not known for celebrity sightings, tour buses, and camera crews. To them, it feels like they’re the only ones being treated differently.
“Daddy showed me how to skateboard yesterday.” Moffy smiles big, and I catch up to him and clasp his hand again.
“Don’t let go, Moffy. Okay?”
“Sorry, Mommy.” He hugs my side like I’m the one in need of consoling. Don’t freak out. He still lets me baby him. Remember that time where you wiped his shirt after he spilt orange juice? Yes. Yes, I do. That was yesterday.
I nod.
“So awesome, dude,” Robby says and then swerves the camera up to me. “Anything new, Lily?”
I shake my head. “Not really.”
Like he’s mentioning the sunshine, Moffy says, “Mommy had to wear big girl pads because she didn’t feel good.”
OhmyGod. My neck roasts. I started my period—which I try to avoid 85% of the time—and I failed my mission to find a tampon. I did find pads deep within a cupboard, and Moffy asked what I was doing. I just said, “Mommy doesn’t feel that great right now.”
Don’t freak out.
Rose would say that there should be zero shame in periods. I blow out an awkward breath and then blurt, “I’m not pregnant.”
I just announced that to a flurry of cameras. Why? Why did I just say that? I wince at myself.
Moffy looks up at me. “What does that have to do with big girl pads?”
I whisper like we’re sharing a secret. “Later.”
He nods like he’s in the loop.
“Maximoff, look here!”
Moffy ignores that cameraman.
Robby says, “You have a joke for me today, Maximoff?”
Superheroes & Scones is in view! We’re in the home stretch. Safety awaits. I didn’t have to abort the mission. We’re alive.
Moffy jumps over a crack in the sidewalk, tugging me forward. “What do you call a woman with four legs?”
“I don’t know? What do you call her?”
“Doggy style!” Moffy shouts.
I’m dead.
My heart is in my throat. “Saybye,” I say so fast and steer Moffy away from the curb and closer to the storefronts.
He just said doggy style.
Does he know what that is?
What if he knows what that is?! Luna says, “Mommy, red.” She pats my cheeks with both hands. Shit. I’m a burnt tomato.
“Bye, Robby!” Moffy waves.
The long line of people stretching outside Superheroes & Scones suddenly screams at the sight of us. I imagine Banshee, an X-Men, sounds just like this. Both Maximoff and Luna immediately cover their ears with their hands.
Garth—burly, bald and beautiful Garth is waiting at the glass door. He holds it open, and we slip inside. Customers aren’t as loud, but they quickly whip out their phones to catch a picture.
“Break room,” I tell Moffy.
He skips ahead of me. The break room is semi-full, and I tell everyone hi in under a second. Then I direct Moffy into the storage room, no employees in sight.
He hops on a cardboard box, sitting next to an old Magneto cutout that used to be in the window. My puny arm starts to give out, so I put Luna in a box of Iron Man plushies. She hugs one and starts giggling.
I call Lo and press the speaker button while it dials.
“Why are you so red?” Moffy asks. “Are you sick?” He tries to reach up and touch my forehead.
“I’m not sick.” I sit in front of him, phone ringing, Luna in a box of plushies beside me. “I flush for a lot of different reasons, but none are bad.” Don’t be worried about me. It’s my job to worry about him. I brush his dark brown hair off his forehead. He needs a haircut soon. “Moffy…?”
“Yeah, Mommy.”
“I’m okay. I’m your mommy, and I worry about you so much. But you never have to worry about me. Your job is to play, be the big brother to Luna, read comic books and run around the yard. The last thing you need to do is worry about me.”
His face falls. “But I love you.”
I wipe the corners of my eyes.
“Don’t cry, Mommy!” He rubs my face with all of his fingers.
I just realize that the phone stopped ringing. “Lily?”
My heart sinks. “Lo?”
I hear papers rustle, drawers slamming, and maybe the jingling of keys. “Where are you?”
He heard a lot. “Nonono, you don’t have to leave work.”
“Daddy, Mommy’s crying.”
“It’s okay, bud. Where are you at?”
“Superheroes—”
“I’m not crying anymore. I shed one tear!” I tell Lo. I also put my hand in the Luna box. She grabs hold of my fingers with a giggle.
“You could tell me you were flying with Peter Pan, and I’d still leave to come find you.”
I frown at that scenario. “That doesn’t make any sense, Lo. You’re my Peter Pan.
“Maybe not in an alternate universe.”
“I don’t like this.” I hold the phone closer to Moffy’s lips. “Our son told the paparazzi a joke today. Moffy, want to tell Daddy?” Please let him share in my mortification. I don’t want to be alone here. Though, I know I will be the only burnt tomato.
Moffy leans towards the speaker. “What do you call a woman with four legs?”
I hear a soft, Bye, Mr. Hale in the background. “What?”
“Doggy style!” Moffy shouts just like last time.
I hear a bang. “Christ.”
“What happened?”
“This wall came out of nowhere.” He walked into the wall.
I smile.
“Mommy’s smiling!” Moffy narrates.
Lo asks, “Where’d you hear that joke from?”
“Jordan.” A boy down the street. “Isn’t it funny? It’s like Coconut. She’s a girl and she’s a dog.”
My shoulders lower, and I exhale. He has no idea it’s about sex. If there’s a magical wizard watching out for me, thank you for this one. I really needed that. I’m not ready for a huge sex conversation. Moffy didn’t realize that all girls have vaginas until Luna was born, and I wasn’t there when he told Lo, “Mommy’s not the only one with a vagina.”
I kind of wish I was present because it would’ve been a good prep course for the big leagues: the sex talk.
I tell Moffy, “How about we keep that joke just between all of us?”
“Like a secret?”
“Yep.”
Moffy nods in understanding just as the storage door opens. Garrison Abbey slips inside, black shirt and black jeans. Since he no longer works at Superheroes & Scones, his sudden appearance seems less like a coincidence.
“Lo,” I say into the phone, “you didn’t tell Garrison, did you?”
“Tell me what?” Garrison stands by an old, dusty comic stand.
Moffy leaps off the box and runs towards Garrison. “Uncle Garrison!” He gives Garrison a cool secret handshake.
“Never mind,” I say to Garrison about the same time Lo says, “What?”
I realize Lo wouldn’t send Garrison, out of everyone, to check up on me. We check up on Garrison—it’s how it’s always been. And we told Moffy to start calling him uncle about the minute Garrison moved in with us. There was a chance he’d never be with Willow long-term, but we knew Garrison would always be a part of our family, no matter what.
“I have to go,” I tell Lo.
“I’ll see you soon, love.” After quick I love yous we hang up on one another.
Garrison walks closer to me, Moffy trying to mimic him step-for-step like Garrison is his best friend. “I need your help on something.” It’s why he’s here.
