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Luca never understood how much pressure our father put on me to always be better, no matter the situation, but then I guess I never understood how Luca never gave two shits about our father’s expectations. In my darkest moments, I envied Luca for having that freedom not to care.
As much as I wanted to tell my father to drop the idea of buying the winery, I knew I couldn’t. I hungered for my father’s approval in a way that never satisfied, no matter how hard I tried.
If I could deliver this piece of history that he coveted so much, he’d finally see me as the son I’d always tried to be.
If not...maybe I was playing a game I was destined to never win.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Alessandra
I WAS MEETING with Sophia and taking her to a blind tasting of Uva Persa so I could get her honest opinion on the blend. Even though it was too late to make any changes, I needed to know that I was on the right track to calm my nerves.
As far as Sophia knew, we were enjoying a girls’ day and nothing more, but in truth I could use the distraction.
After my conversation with my grandfather, my thoughts had been tangled on a number of subjects.
Mainly my feelings about Dante but also my understanding of my grandparents’ story, which I’d always believed I knew forward and backward until my grandfather’s revelation.
It was strange how something so small could rock your world.
Sophia, charming as ever, wearing a lovely yellow sundress, climbed into my convertible, smiling as bright as the lazy autumn sun overhead. “You are too pretty to be spending your time with me but I’m selfishly happy to spend the day with my best friend,” I said, smiling with love in my heart.
Sophia waved away my praise, as usual, with an offhand “You’re blind” as she buckled up, and I wished for the thousandth time that Sophia could see herself as the rest of the world did. That wasn’t a battle that would be won today. “Where are we going?” she asked.
“There’s a blind tasting that I thought you might enjoy and I could use the change in scenery away from the office.”
“Sounds wonderful.” Sophia was happy to tag along. She was always down for a wine tasting. Sometimes I wondered if it helped her to feel connected to Enzo to stay within the wine world but then other times I felt I was probably reading more into it than a simple enjoyment of wine. “So, have you seen your sexy American lately?” she asked, casting a sly look my way. “He sure is handsome.”
I didn’t really want to talk about Dante—I was still angry from our last conversation together—but I probably needed to process what I was feeling before I exploded.
“Actually, I saw him the other night. Everything was great until the night disintegrated and I haven’t seen him since.”
“How did it disintegrate?” she asked, concerned. “Was he a brute?”
“No, nothing like that. He just pissed me off and I didn’t want to be around him any longer.”
“That sounds serious. What could he have said that would have upset you so?”
I considered my answer carefully. To reveal the true depth of my disappointment would be to reveal feelings I wasn’t ready to accept. I was still grappling with the magnitude of how upset Dante had made me over something that really was none of my business. I wasn’t sure how deeply I wanted to dig into that particular hole. “He is a very cold person. He said that he believed people are replaceable, and I find that type of thinking typical of an American and not very flattering.”
Sophia chuckled. “Well, he is American. Perhaps we should not hold that against him because he cannot change that aspect of himself. Is it possible that you misunderstood his position?”
I laughed ruefully, remembering quite clearly how Dante’s eyes had been devoid of emotion as he’d explained himself. “No, he was quite clear about how he felt. Dante clearly has issues with his father and I don’t have the interest or the time to mess around with his personal baggage.”
“I don’t think he’s expecting you to become his doctor but I know you two share a connection. If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t still be mad.”
I rejected her theory, insisting, “I’m not mad. I could not care less what Dante Donato does with his time or his life. He is simply nice to look at when I need distraction. I risk nothing when I say his body is sublime.”
But Sophia called my bluff, saying, “I’ve never seen you so taken with a man. You’ve always been so focused and single-minded with a narrow sphere of attention. Honestly, I’m glad to see you fired up about someone even if he is making you angry. Life is about more than just work and passion is something you can’t manufacture.”
I cast a sardonic look her way, amused that she was being openly hypocritical. “That is interesting advice coming from the woman who refuses to step out socially because she’s holding a torch for someone who died a really long time ago.”
Ouch. Perhaps that was a bit too savage. Sophia’s amusement faded and the pain in her eyes made me feel like a toad. She blinked back tears and a small laugh escaped as she said, “That was harsh.”
Oh, I was a jerk of the highest order but I’d already stepped in it, so I might as well be honest about my fears.
“I love you, Sophia. You are the sister I never had. But you are dying on the vine. Enzo would not have wanted this for you. You’re too much of an amazing human being to spend your entire life stuck in one spot.”
A surge of life flashed in her eyes. “It isn’t that I don’t want to move on. I simply haven’t found anyone worth spending the time to get to know. I have very high standards and unfortunately there has yet to be someone worth leveling up in my eyes.”
I chuckled at her explanation. “I would love to indulge you but I’m going to point out something you told me recently. As much as I loved my brother, I fear you may have elevated him to God status at this point. I know you loved Enzo and I will forever love you for loving him the way you do. But it’s time to move on, sweetheart. It’s time to find an actual man or woman, no judgment, who can make you happy as an adult.”
“Do I not seem happy?” she asked, lifting her chin. “I have no complaints in my life. You cannot fix your life by focusing on mine.”
“My life doesn’t need fixing,” I balked, wondering how she’d turned this back on me. “I’m very pleased with my life.”
“You bury yourself in work and the only time you ‘date’ is to satisfy your physical needs. I’m not stupid or blind, Alessandra. You’re using people to fill a void in your heart that no amount of soulless encounters can fill.”
“Soulless?” I repeated, remembering the cataclysmic sex between Dante and me, and how it’d felt the furthest from soulless as anything could. What did that mean? Was there more between Dante and me than something physical? I wasn’t ready to go there. “Just because I’m not looking to fall in love doesn’t mean I’m just opening my legs for anyone,” I said, affronted.
“I’m not saying that you are,” Sophia said, softening. “I’m just saying that you’re hiding from anything real and I don’t understand why.”
“If I am hiding, what are you doing?” I countered.
“I am remaining ambivalent,” she answered with a shrug. “If love finds me, wo
nderful. If not, that’s fine, too.”
“Love can’t find you if you don’t put yourself out there.”
“For someone who claims to not believe in love, you sure are concerned with my finding it.”
“Because I know you do believe in it,” I said, but even to my own ears I sounded like a raging hypocrite. I gave up. I didn’t know why I was picking at this subject when I knew it was a dead end. Besides, maybe she was right and I was being ridiculously one-sided. Resigned, I finished with a heartfelt “I just want you to be happy” and prepared to drop the subject, but Sophia had one more thing to say.
“I love you, too, Alessandra, and I will give what you’re saying some thought. It isn’t that I haven’t dated. I just don’t feel anything that would encourage taking things to the next level. Trust me, I would love to feel something for someone else. I would love to be able to move on. But it’s hard to compete with what I had. Even if I was young, I’ve known what true love feels like. Accepting a substitute would be like eating paper after you’ve tasted filet mignon.”
Sophia’s response hit me hard. Here I was worrying about my best friend when she had things more figured out than me. If anyone had known a love like my grandparents, it was Sophia and Enzo. Further proof that it likely wasn’t in the cards for me as I’d never felt so consumed by another person. Well, not until Dante, but there was absolutely no future there. The irony was astounding. Fate was a fickle bitch, wasn’t she?
“I’m sorry I left you with Alberico the other night. I hope he wasn’t too unbearable.”
Sophia smiled. “He was quite pleasant, actually. He’s a very nice man but I agree with you—he is not your match.”
“Thank you,” I said with a relieved sigh that I wasn’t alone. “I wish Papa would see this, as well. It’s becoming downright awkward every time Alberico comes around and Papa is pushing him toward me like a meat platter.”
Sophia giggled. “Maybe you should just talk to Alberico, tell him your feelings.”
