Knight and I shrugged then made our way back down to the lounge.
“Hey,” Knight said the moment he made it to Gwen’s side.
She smiled brightly at him and the second she wrapped her arms around his waist, he relaxed a little.
I may have kept eyes on them a beat longer than I should have. I wasn’t trying to be creepy.
This life could be hard. Sure there were a lot of fun times. And the club meant that you had people to watch your back. It meant that you had a family that was more than blood.
But there were times it could be cold. It could be cruel. It came with added risks and at times, intense demands. Being an officer meant that those things always fell on us first. It was our job above others to make sure that things were taken care of. To be aware of the dangers before they were even there. I wasn’t complaining. Hell, I knew what I was signing up for when they offered me the spot and patch at the new chapter. And I was almost too honored to take it. But I did, and the moment that title was put on my cut, I stepped up in every way.
The thing that I was starting to realize was that you almost needed the other side of the coin. Knight, Brand, and Ky had it all figured out, though I wasn’t quite sure they saw it that way. Or weren’t aware of it would probably be more accurate. They had people they could fall back on at the end of the night. They had someone to comfort them when they tucked themselves away and let it all seep in. Ya know, when that burden of keeping the club strong began to wear you out.
I wasn’t envious.
Okay, maybe a little.
But as I stood there and was practically slapped upside the head by this realization, I started to see things very differently. In the way that maybe having a bunch of side pieces wasn’t satisfying at the end of the day.
Hell, just having one foot in an almost relationship wasn’t even enough. Let’s fucking face it, that was pretty much what I had going on with Laurel. I hadn’t been with another woman since she let me in. I hadn’t even looked at anyone. I wasn’t the type of man that did that. I couldn’t quite figure out why. But what else did I have to look forward to? There was something about that woman that made me feel like I wasn’t ready to let go yet.
So the question was, was I only wasting my time until I found my Gwen or Cami? Or even my Chris, because honestly, that guy was a rock when it came to shit going down with the club. He was there not only for Ky but for us all. Would I ever be a lucky enough guy to find my other half? The one that balanced me out and became my strength when I felt a little shaky?
The pathetic part was that I could see Laurel being that perfect person. She checked all those boxes, whether she realized it or not. Only you couldn’t force a relationship onto someone. And she was clearly trying to avoid anything remotely close to that with me.
I had no idea why I was thinking about it. It wasn’t like Laurel was going to change her mind overnight. She wasn’t going to see me as something other than a good time while she stumbled through what she was going through. I was a criminal. A low life biker. She was a fallen rich girl. So it didn’t matter that I got to see how shitty her so-called apartment was. Or that I knew she worked her ass off at Royally Brewed just to pay the rent on that fucking place. Or that I saw that she couldn’t afford the things in life that she was used to. Like getting her hair and nails done. She let me see all of it because I was nothing. I was disposable. And once she figured everything out and got her life together, she’d drop me like the piece of shit that I was.
That was how I imagined it anyway. I was a good time. A distraction.
That was all.
And it kind of hurt a little to know that.
Yet, I still kept going back.
Over and over again.
Maybe I was just an idiot. No, I was sure I was.
Iron wandered into the room and pinned us officers with a hard stare. I nodded and headed in his direction, noticing that Knight was already sending someone a text. I would have guessed Cable.
“You want Ky and Lake in on this too?” I asked because he’d brought them in on the earlier one.
“Yeah.”
I pulled out my phone and shot Ky a text probably at the same time Brand was. Lake was hanging around in the background, so I jerked my chin at him.
Iron waited until everyone was settled around the table before he began.
“I want everyone to shut those negative thoughts down,” he said in a stern voice. “I don’t give a fuck if you’re being a whiny baby and feeling left out. I don’t care if you think you’ve somehow been betrayed because they chose to keep it to themselves all this time. Axe did what he thought was best for everyone and I will sit here and back him up on it.”
I took in a deep breath. I had a feeling I wasn’t the only one feeling that way but I got where he was coming from. And maybe he was a little bit right. Now was not the time to get all butt hurt because I didn’t like the way the big Prez handled something.
“Now that that’s outta the way, let’s move along to shit that is really important. I want to double up on all patrols. We already have around the clock on the docks and the shipping yard, I want to keep that up. If a prospect is on watch, I want a member there with them. Knight, how’s our stock looking?”
“Full enough,” Knight answered. “Could add a little more out of the next shipment if you want.”
“Yeah. I want to make sure we are all loaded up at all times. Everyone carrying.”
