I would never tell him that I thought it was adorable that he referred to his dog as his baby. Nor would I tell the others that was how he put it. Who knew though, maybe that was what he called Biscuit around the guys and didn’t give a crap what anyone thought about it.
I left him when someone else came in.
While I wanted to go check on Dade, I knew I wouldn’t be allowed in. His sister was here and she had only put Iron and a couple of the others on the visitor list. Bryan told me that she didn’t want a lot of people in there until he was awake. She thought it would be too chaotic. I understood it but I still felt bad that I couldn’t see him and tell him how sorry I was even if he couldn’t hear it.
Dade was still in a medically induced coma and they had no idea how long that would go on. He had been closer to the blast point than Blade.
“I’m ready to go,” I said to Colby when I stepped out into the hall. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
He smiled and nodded.
When I got back to the compound I went back to the room and decided that I needed a nap. I had planned on talking to Bryan later about going back to work. At first, I figured he would say no and I was prepared to fight for what I wanted. I couldn’t sit around here all the time. I had to find some kind of normalcy again or else I was going to spiral out of control. Only after talking to Dale, it seemed like Bryan already knew what I needed before I did. Again.
Things with Bryan were… well, I wasn’t really sure how to explain it. He stayed with me every night and most of those nights we were wrapped up in one another’s arms as we slept. We barely talked but I think that was because we were both so drained by the time we got into bed. I didn’t see him much during the day, he was either off doing club business or at the hospital. Sometimes I went with him to the hospital.
I think Bryan was waiting on me to make a move. Only, Blade had been right, I kept waffling between where I wanted to go. I had a lot going on in my head and even as I tried to sort through it all, I still wasn’t sure where I wanted to go from here. It wasn’t just about him. It was about everything. Who I was. What I was going to do next. What my plans were for the future. And the biggest one was how to move on from here after everything that had happened.
I was angry. That was a given. Angry that it had happened to me. Angry at how weak I felt. Angry that no one would tell me anything about what was going on.
I was also hurt.
Which might have been the thing that was the hardest for me to let go of.
Completely drained, I couldn’t think of anything other than closing my eyes. So I did, and hoped that when I woke I would have at least one thing figured out.
I had no idea how long I had been out, but the sound of someone moving around the room was what woke me.
“Hey,” Bryan said softly as I rolled over to look at him.
“Hi,” I said smiling.
“I’m going to head over to the gym for a little bit, okay?”
There was something there behind his eyes. I could see it even if he was trying to hide it from me. He was trying to be strong, like always. But I knew everything was weighing on him. I wished more than anything that I could help ease those burdens but how could I do that when I couldn’t even be strong for myself?
“Take me,” I said sitting up.
“Um, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Not really the kind of place to take…”
“What?” I asked with a little attitude. “Someone like me?”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said and blew out a breath like he felt that no matter what he said, it would start a fight. “It’s mostly a gym for guys that fight.”
“Teach me how to fight, please,” I said looking at him with begging eyes that I hoped he wouldn’t be able to say no to.
I wanted to be strong. I wanted tofeelstrong. I wanted to know that if I was ever in a situation like I had been that night, that I would at least be able to do something. I never wanted to feel helpless again.
“Okay,” he said with a resigned sigh. “Get dressed. And put my hoodie on.”
I jumped up and got ready in a flash.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I threw my arms around his neck and pecked his lips.
“Do not leave my side when we get there. Don’t look at anyone and for fuck’s sake, don’t go getting in anyone’s business. Understand?”
I nodded and was suddenly nervous about going. But I knew Bryan wouldn’t let anything happen to me as long as I was by his side.
Once we got there, I completely understood why he had been so stern. There were a lot of big men around. Big men that looked very scary. And I was pretty sure most of them were Russian, I heard their accents right away.
