If it were possible to die of embarrassment, I would certainly do it here and now.
I might just die of hypothermia though. I yank the coat out of my bag and pull it on. I had a sweatshirt at one point, but I've no idea where that is now, and I'm not going back to look for it.
What was I thinking?
I was thinking he'd jump up, thrilled to see me, and sweep me into his arms. He'd confess that he's been thinking about me as much as I've been thinking about him, and we should spend every waking—and sleeping—second together.
Desperate much?
God, I'm so stupid. You'd think I'd have learned by now. I can't trust other people. With the exception of the Sassy Cats, no one has ever consistently had my back. No one has been there for me. No one has wanted to be my ride or die.
Not that I'm saying Henderson was any of those things, but until a few moments ago, he had thepotentialto be that for me. To want to be with me. To want me for me and not because of my celebrity status.
Tabitha because she's Tabitha, not Tabby Cat.
No one wants Tabitha for Tabitha. They only want Tabby.
I should be used to this by now.
But hell, he doesn't want me at all, famous Tabby or regular Tabitha.
I will not cry over this. I will shrug it off and do what I normally do.
I will shop.
I will look at pretty things. Designer things. Expensive things. I will surround myself with things because they will never let me down.
I make a vow, not for the first time, to never let Paisley down. While I don't want to be one of those super clingy, overbearing moms that they make TV shows about, I don't ever want her to feel the way I do in this moment.
Used.
Utterly alone.
Oh God, and he knows my secret.
I am the stupidest person ever.
I step toward the curb, determined to hail a cab. I may not know how to get around this city underground, but I at least have the resourcefulness to find my way.
"Tabitha. Tabitha! Wait!"
Don't turn around. Just keep going. Whatever you do, don't look.
"Oh, Henderson, you caught me at a bad time. I need to leave." I wave for a taxi. I hope my gesture is natural and laidback. In reality, it probably looks like a poor imitation of Forrest Gump.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Bergdorf’s." Duh. Where else would I go at a time like this?
A lime green Prius pulls up. I take a step off the curb toward the car.
"Tabitha, wait."
"Sorry, I have very important shoe shopping to do. I took time out of my day to come here, and now I'm off schedule. See you … never."
I start to get in the taxi when suddenly Henderson is there, his arm shooting out and blocking me. "Tabitha," he says quietly.
I don't want to turn and look at him. I'm not that good of an actress, and he'll see how crushed I am.
