"I … I..." I falter, looking for the words. "I don't date."
She sighs. "Yes, I know. You don't mix business and pleasure. Actresses are too much trouble. Too much drama. Blah, blah, blah."
"No, it's not just that I don't date people I work with, it's that in all honesty, I don't date. I don't do relationships at all. I've seen how they destroy people, and I never wanted to go through that."
My admission hangs in the night air.
"So you're telling me you've never dated? Been in a relationship? Been in love? Was I your first?" She makes it sound as if I've just admitted to eating babies or something equally as sordid.
"No. I've had sex, obviously. I am human. But no, I've never done the dinner and flowers and romantic walks. Honestly, I'm not sure I've even held hands with anyone besides you."
"Why?"
"Why or why not?" It's time to be honest with her. She needs to know the mess before she signs on. I tell her about Mum. "And Dad wasn't much better. I mean, they had a stupid fling when they were high school students and Dad came to Australia on exchange. He left before he knew about me. He came back a few years later, and they vacillated between hooking up and hating each other. When he realized that Mum was beyond saving, he came back to the U.S. with me in tow. He could at least hold down a job and keep a roof over our head, which is more than Mum could do. He'd have women around for a while, but nothing ever worked out for him. He wasn't really interested in me, that's for sure. I was more like a roommate, even though I was only twelve. He didn't care if I came or went, as long as my chores got done and my grades were solid. I thought if I did that, he'd like me more."
I kick the gravel at my feet. I haven't ever opened up to anyone about the pain of my childhood. And while I like to blame Mum for how messed up I am, it's not like Dad won any prizes for loving—or even wanting—me. "He certainly didn't come to my plays or school events. He was too busy looking for something. I'm not sure what it was exactly, but he never found it. And all that trying made him bitter and hard. Well, more bitter. He was never a jolly sort to begin with. I guess getting stuck with a totally unplanned kid will do that."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to stick my foot in.
Well, this certainly isn't the way to win over the girl.
Chapter 29: Tabitha
I'm used to smooth talkers trying to get in my pants.
Henderson is not this.
In fact, he's the opposite. Maybe that means he's being genuine, or maybe he's that good at playing the game.
I hate players.
But, and maybe this makes me stupid, I don't think Henderson is playing me. I can see the anguish on his face. Well, not really, because it's pretty dark out here, but his voice sounds sincere.
At least I want it to be sincere.
Yet, on the other hand, he just told me that he's carrying massive baggage because his mom was a single mother who was a hot mess express, and his dad got stuck with a kid he didn't want and it ruined his life. That one hits a little too close to home.
"Do you really thinkI'mthe person you should be with then? You've already said you don't want to want me, but yet you do. I mean, it doesn't take a shrink to see all the mommy issues here."
"No, it's not like that. I want to be with youin spite ofthe mummy issues."
Part of me wants to make a joke about mummies and vampires, but something tells me it wouldn't be well received. At least not right now.
"Tabitha, please." The vulnerability in his voice makes my heart flutter and my stomach clench. Isn't this what I've wanted to hear from him? Especially over the last few days when he practically pretended I didn't exist.
Forget few days; try few months.
"Henderson, you've done nothing but jerk me around since I left you that morning. It's like you're holding it against me. Like I had a choice, and I chose Paisley over you. I mean, you know there is no choice, right? I'll always choose Paisley."
He hangs his head. I wish I could see his face better. I put my hand underneath his chin, tilting it upward. "It's not about you. It's not against you. It's because I'm her mom and I have to choose her."
Even if I don't want to.
The thought that races through my head startles me. Why would I think that? God, his issues are rubbing off on me.
Fantastic.
Like I need help being any more messed up than I already am.
