My daughter's voice pipes up from the back, four going on twenty-four. "Daddy told me that he has to pretend I'm not his daughter in public because he's so famous someone might try to take me. That's why that car was chasing us. Because Daddy's so important."
In an instant, my blood boils. If he weren't in the shape he was in, I'd fly back to California right now to kick his ass.
"I think it was just an accident. No one was chasing us." Maria soothes.
"And no matter what, I'll always be your mom first and foremost. I'm your mom, and then I'm in show business." These aren't just words; I know them to be true down to the depths of my being.
Even so, I'm still raging as we get to The Edison. "Maria, you can bring Paisley in. I think she's going to get bored quickly, but she can see how it goes. I want to share this part of my life with her."
And I don't ever want her to think I'm denying her or I'm ashamed of her.
"Hey, what's up? You okay?" Henderson stops me as I walk into the lobby of the theater.
I'm practically shaking with rage. "No, it's been a hell of a day, and we haven't even started."
"Slow down. What happened?"
The concern in his eyes appears genuine, but what the hell do I know? I thought Jonathan Spencer Maxwell actually loved Paisley. I bet he only takes her because Anastasia makes him. Hell, he could even be faking this memory loss to get out of seeing Paisley again.
Okay, so that's a little 1980s soap opera, even for me, but I wouldn't put it past the louse.
"I never knew my dad. I'm not even sure my mom knows who he is. I used to say it didn't bother me because what other choice did I have? Admit that I was a careless afterthought and a bother for the people who created me? That I didn't matter to the people who were supposed to love me most? You know, I wasn't even going to tell him he was Paisley's father. Better for her to have one parent who loves her totally than this crap. But I don't even know what I'm doing here. Do you know that Paisley doesn't even know I'm famous? I've denied it all for her."
"Which is very admirable. My mum never put me first. I don't know that she even could. Or wanted to."
And now my heart is breaking for Henderson. No wonder he's so gun-shy about relationships. He's never been loved either.
I slide my hand into his.
It's time to change that.
Chapter 36: Henderson
Iwish I could hug her and take all her pain away. I don't know what she's going through with her daughter, but her hurt is obvious. Well, I do know what it's like not to be loved by the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally.
Her hand is in mine, so I squeeze it gently. I take her other hand, completing the circle between us. "What happened? Did I see Paisley go in with her nanny?"
"We stopped at Dean's Beans, which was mobbed. Apparently, they were there to see me. I started to get scared for Paisley, but then I thought about how that might reflect on The Edison. It was fine. Fun, even. I've missed being with fans. I didn't know how much until I got mobbed."
"I haven't been to town much this week, but I've heard a few people say things are busier. They're coming out of the woodwork to adore you." I squeeze Tabitha's hands again.
"I need it. I need their adoration. I think it's why I've been so lost since Paisley was born. I need someone to love me. Lots of someones. It's why I need to perform. When I'm not with Paisley, I miss her. But at the end of the day, I miss singing more. And that's what makes me a terrible mother."
She looks so defeated.
"You're not a terrible mother. On the other hand, I may be the wrong person to ask about that. My mum was only seventeen when I was born. She wasn't ready to be a mum, so she didn't do a bang up job with it. Mostly stuck me with my granny or whomever would watch me. My dad caught wind—'coz he wasn't there either—and moved back to 'Straya to try to keep her in line. They fought like cats and dogs about who had to take care of me and why the other wasn't doing a good job. Finally, my dad got fed up, and we moved back to America. My mum didn't try to come after me. Didn't try to see me. I haven't seen her in over ten years."
"Ten years? Why so long?"
I shrug. "I stopped going back to 'Straya. My grandparents are gone. I'm not even sure where she is, and I got tired of chasing her. There's nothing left for me there."
I don't know if I've ever been so brutally honest with another person. Hell, I don't know if I've ever even been that honest with myself.
Tears fill Tabitha's eyes. "That's where Paisley is with her father, but I'm happy to be rid of him, I hope. He's not going to see her anymore. His shadow has been cast on me for too long. But on the other hand, I don't want to see her hurt."
"And I don't want to see you hurt," I say, my voice hoarse. From somewhere deep within, I feel a primal urge to protect her. I wish I had a magic wand I could wave to make all of this go away so she could find peace and direction.
She gazes into my eyes and I swear, right into my soul. "Don't you wish there was an easy button or something for life? To make us who we want to be instead of who we are?"
