That's what I feel like too.
I call him before I go to sleep and text him the moment I wake up.
The one thing we're not doing is sleeping together.
I know, I'm shocked too. I do have a reputation to uphold and all.
At first, I thought it was because there was no time. I mean, there's not. During the day, there are always people around. Not to mention there's just so much work to be done. And at night, I want to have those moments with Paisley, even if she's asleep.
Plus, frankly, we're too old to have Henderson sneaking out in the morning before Paisley gets up. As soon asThe Greatest Showmanis done, there'll be plenty of time to figure this all out. Prior to Henderson, my sex life had been dry for over four years. Another few weeks isn't going to kill me.
I know it'll be worth the wait.
And in reality, I'm putting off sex because I never do. It's my go-to, instead of an actual relationship.
I want the real thing now. I won't mess this up by using sex instead of feelings.
As we pull up to The Edison, I can feel the change of energy in the air. It's like it's fully charged with a million little lightning bolts. Tonight is opening night.
The last time I went on stage, for theweLoveMusicFestival, it was the five of us. Despite the massive bombshells and blow ups minutes before, we stood backstage, in our circle, holding hands as one unit. This time, it's different. The cast is much larger. Yet in some ways, I could see us all linking hands and becoming one before the curtain rises.
I need to feel part of one unit again.
But even without holding onto someone's hands, I do. Here at The Edison, I feel like I belong. Or maybe it's not The Edison, but Henderson who makes me feel this way.
With him, I'm my true self. The Tabitha the world didn't know existed. The one nobody bothers to look for. The one I'd forgotten about myself.
When I'm with him, it's not about how many Instagram followers I have, or how many times my picture makes a tabloid site. It's not about who I might be sleeping with—obviously. It's only about us.
Everything in my life is falling into place. I feel whole.
The last time I felt this accepted was when the Sassy Cats were together. And even then, it wasn't on this level. I mean, I was so young and immature that I was only like half a person.
Thinking that causes me to pull out my phone and text Mandy. She's coming to the show tonight.
Immediately my phone rings. "I'm driving, so I can't text. Break a leg!"
I smile at my friend's voice. I can't wait to see her tonight. "Are you bringing Ben?"
"No, he's back in Nashville. It's my week with the kids. I had to get Reagan to take the boys. Tenley's coming with me, naturally. I think she's hoping to land a gig down there soon."
"I didn't know she was interested. Can she sing?"
Mandy laughs. "Not at all. Like, it's bad. Even Daniel couldn't help her. I kind of feel bad for her. She's as tone deaf as her father."
"Oh, Mandy, I can't wait to see you again. I love that I'm so close to you. Angie's coming to the show next weekend. Maybe we could all grab a late bite to eat or something."
"Tab, this isn't Manhattan. The restaurants there probably close by nine. You're in cow country. But we do need to get together. Maybe you and I can go down to see Angie before you head back to California? Okay, well, I'm pulling up and the holy terrors are about to hop in. See you tonight. Break a leg and love you!"
Back to California.
Her words ricochet around my brain, rumbling and grumbling, though I can't put my finger on why.
Of course I'll go back to California. It's where I live. It's where Paisley's father is. I have nothing out here. My life is back there.
So why does walking through the doors of The Edison feel like I'm sliding into my favorite, perfectly worn fleece pajamas? You know, the kind I never want to take off.
Maybe it's not The Edison. Maybe it's the feeling of performing. Yes, that's what it has to be. That feeling that in just a few hours, we'll be in hair and makeup and costumes and the audience will be filling the seats.
