"No thanks, I'm fine."
I hear a voice behind me. "Fine is what you say when you're anything but fine. Trust me, I should know." Gloria seems to do a lot behind the scenes, though, from what I hear, she's quite the performer herself.
"I'm not fine, but I'm trying not to cry right now."
Leslie reaches out, gently placing her wrapped hand on my arm. "Men are stupid. Trust me on that."
"I second and third that," Gloria adds, touching my other arm.
"But Grayson is great."
"Yes, but he's stupid sometimes too. And it took me a long time and a lot of bad choices to find him."
"Tell me about bad choices." Those brief few minutes in the back of the limo dance through my mind. Without them, I wouldn't have Paisley, but I wonder what my life would be like. "It's just that I thought what we had was different. I thought we were opening up to each other. I … I don't share like that with a lot of people."
It's true. Aside from the other members of the Sassy Cats, and maybe Maria a little, I find it very hard to open up and let people in. Maybe this is why.
When you open up, you become vulnerable. They can hurt you with the ammunition you supply.
"Listen, Henderson can say anything he'd like, but it's as plain as the nose on my face that he's head over heels for you. I've only known him for a year, but I've never seen him like this before. Grayson said the same thing. He used to worry that Henderson wouldn't ever even entertain the idea of getting involved. It's like he can't help himself with you."
I appreciate Gloria's words, but they also make me feel terrible. Henderson doesn'twantto want me. I'm like a craving that he's doing everything he can to resist.
Because he doesn't see me as a good thing in his life.
Why am I so bad, though?
I could be good for him. I guess the question is, will he be good for me?
I already have my answer. He's done this more times than I can count. He's had his turn at bat and struck out.
Jesus, he's got me so turned upside down, I'm using sports analogies.
I'm done with this bullshit. I'm done opening myself up. I'm done with Henderson Quade.
There. Decision made. Time to move on.
And any second, I'll start to feel better. Right?
Maybe Henderson's right. Maybe this drama isn't worth it. I should focus on Paisley and my career, whateverthat'sgoing to be.
Yup, that's what I need to do. Figure out my next plan.
I look at Gloria. "How did you end up here?"
"In Hicklam? I came to work with a therapist who specializes in PTSD."
Oh. I was not expecting that.
"Actually, I meant backstage at The Edison. Henderson's mentioned a few times about how you saved the theater with your performance last year. Why are you backstage instead of on stage?"
Gloria shrugs. "I went on stage to prove something to myself. Something I thought I'd lost. Something Ihadlost. But with Grayson's help, I found it again. I don't need to be on stage, like I once thought I did."
I consider her words. "I think I do need to be on stage."
She nods. "It's clear, it's where you belong."
I know she's right. But what I don't know is how to balance that with my daughter.
