Don sighs. "Now you're starting to sound like Henderson. And look at him! He's always been above this, but you know he's totally fooling around with Tabitha."
It's pretty obvious, even though they think they're being sly. I mean, Henderson can't tear his eyes away from her, for starters.
Shit. Is that how I am with Leslie? Is that how she is with me?
It's not like I care that people know. I mean if there was anything to know, it wouldn't bother me that others knew.I'm not trying to hide my feelings from the cast and crew. I'm trying to hide them from myself. I don't want to have them. If I had them at all. Which I don't.
Obviously.
I don't want to give her that power over me again. I gave it to her once, and she showed me she didn't deserve it. I'm not sure she ever will.
Jen keeps pushing. "I think you should go for it, Josh. You don't have as much fun as you should. Live a little."
And die a little too.
"You know I don't really have time. I'm working on—"
"We know. Your show," Don says with a distinctly exasperated tone. "Unless we see it soon, I'm going to decide there's not actually a show, and you're using it as an excuse to avoid talking to girls."
"Maybe you need to get a little to get your creative juices flowing," Jen chides.
This conversation is about to take a decidedly dirty turn, so I change the subject. "Have you guys reviewed the music? Any questions? We're going to start right at the overture and see how far we can get through before the actors need us. Also, are we placing bets?"
Sometimes, the rehearsals can run long. We make wagers to see when some of the more frequently used expressions make their first appearances. It makes for a more interesting time. Blaze, our drummer, whips out a notebook and scrawls down Grayson and Henderson's most uttered phrases. We then take turns signing up for when we think we'll hear them, accompanied by a few dollars each.
Betting always makes it more fun.
"Enough of that. We've got to get through some of this before they call us." I encourage the band to take up their instruments.
The pit band has a small window of time to actually practice the full score before we're accompanying the singers. Most of the band is pretty skilled, but it's still nice to put it all together before we add the singing.
And technically, we're an orchestra because we have strings, but no one refers to us that way. Our group is about twelve musicians, including myself. I'm usually accompanying on piano, as well as directing, so I do most of my conducting with my eyebrows.
It's a talent.
This week is going to be long and arduous, but it's my favorite week. There will be moments of panic and despair, yet everything will come together. It's hard to describe the feelings of exhilaration during those moments when we take our places in the pit and start those first notes.
There will never be a drug that can replicate that high.
It's the feeling that keeps me going. That kept me going after my parents died. My dad, especially, understood. A day without music is like trying to breathe without air.
I don't recommend it.
That's what I need to focus on now. The music.
Which is not sounding the best as we do our first run-through. Yikes.
I take a deep breath in and slowly let it out. I can see from the look on Grayson's face that he's trying to squash the same feelings of panic. So what that it's Monday and we open on Thursday.
Henderson steps over to me. "This is a bloody nightmare."
"It's always darkest before the dawn."
Henderson rolls his eyes. "Fix it, Josh. We can't go on like this."
"This is the first run-through. It's bound to be rough."
"This wasn't rough. I reckon it's a right disaster."
