I won't take advantage of her generosity and impulsiveness with a less-than-worthy project. She didn't have to agree to fund this. Hell, she volunteered to do it. I know that's how she rolls, but I still feel the need to prove myself to her.
The success ofHonor Codecould launch most of our careers. Henderson was willing to raise funding himself if only so Tabitha could have a project to work on. He was willing to give her the direction and focus her life lacked.
As stodgy as Henderson can be, Tabitha's certainly brought out a different side of him. I wish I could say the same of Leslie. Maybe she did bring out a different side of me. One who's more cautious. One who doesn't want to be so liberal with his heart, and easy with his smiles.
Even as I glance at my sheet music, I know that's not true. Those are traits I've inherited from my mother, and ones I'm proud to display. Music is, and has always been, my therapy and my escape, and this is no different. WithHonor Codefinally coming to fruition, it'll be a catharsis for me.
It's probably been a good thing that Leslie was here this summer.
But … she's here.Here.
Walking into the studio with Kori and Jasmine.
"Where's Marcelina?" I hiss through gritted teeth. I notice Tabitha looking at me, and I try to smile. I'm sure it looks like something out of a bad school picture.
Kori leans over and whispers, "Don't worry. We've got this."
"But …"
"Do you trust me?" Kori cocks her eyebrow, making the ring in it dance.
I don't trust her.
"But …" I stammer again.
"But nothing. It's good. We've got you." Kori follows my gaze. "She's got you. Don't worry. Let's just get this going so I can take a nap before the show tonight."
That's right. We've still got a performance ofParistonight. Four more in total. This isn't the only thing on the agenda.
I shake my shoulders and sit up straighter.
The percussion section, along with our violinist, Sun Li, are here to accompany me. They too had burned the midnight oil in rehearsing this piece. Lucky for me, they are all skilled and talented musicians with the ability to pick up music quickly, as well as sight-read.
I look to the middle of the dance floor where Jasmine's ready to start. She begins this number, only to be quickly replaced by the woman she's pretending to be—Leslie.
"So in this show, our main character, Dawn, played by Leslie, has been living a double life. Her alter ego, Honor, is a fun-loving carefree spirit, while Dawn tends to a lot of family responsibilities and expectations. We only know and see Honor through her social media profile. Dawn's best friend, Jo Jo, played by Jasmine here, sometimes assumes the Honor persona. But at this point in the story, Dawn is realizing that Honor is much more of who she is at heart, and that it's time to claim that for herself. But she's got to get Jo Jo to stop playing that role first. She does it by telling her true feelings to her best friend. And that's where we are heading into this song, 'Purple Dawn.' Enjoy."
I turn back to the musicians and count them in, the rhythmic beating of Kameron's hands on the leather of the drum filling the studio. Don adds the rain stick and Jasmine begins dancing. Then I start in with the piano and Sun Li on the violin. Leslie walks in slowly, gracefully. With the art her ballet training instilled, she floats across the stage, her words soulful and full of realization. Jasmine keeps in time to the beat of the drums while Leslie dances to the strings.
It's better than I ever could have imagined. All the work this summer has strengthened Leslie's vocals, and despite the lack of time for mastery, she sounds solid. I'm mouthing the words along with her, once again conducting with my eyebrows.
She barely looks at me, her body twisting and turning, alternating between the classical ballet and the older, freer, dance of a different culture. This song represents that battle that's raging within her. Right now, she's not Leslie. She's Honor, letting go of the Dawn she crafted to meet the world's—and her family's—expectations. She is laying it all out on the line, making herself vulnerable, exposing her greatest weaknesses, for everyone to see.
By the time she finishes the number, triumphantly planting her feet and displaying a warrior posture in the middle of the stage, tears fill her eyes even as the breath rushes from her chest.
I sit there, unable to move, unable to speak.
"Huh." Tabitha's voice sounds so far away. What does that mean?
I stand up slowly. I should say something, but a coherent thought won't form. It's simply a swirl of emotions. I open my mouth when Leslie starts speaking.
Still taking deep breaths, gulping for air, she says, "Tabitha, don't judge Josh's brilliance on my performance. But I had to do this. For him. I had to let him know that I'm ready to accept my true self, even if it's not being the best. My true self does her best. My true self wants to give rather than take. And my true self will spend the rest of time trying to make it up to Josh for letting him down when he needed me most."
Before I know it, I'm crossing the room. I put my finger to her mouth, trying to stop her words. "Don't say anything else. I have to tell you something."
Leslie puts a shaking hand on mine, pulling it from her lips. She clenches it tightly, also grasping my other hand. "No, Josh, you have to hear me out. I wasn't there for you at the worst time in your life because I was too selfish to think about anything but my own misguided perceptions. I was about to let you down now too when you are standing on the cusp of greatness. I'm finally learning to love myself, and through that, I've realized how much I love you. I'd give anything to see your smile and to see you bite your lip and those adorable dancing eyebrows every single moment of every single day. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I need to start paying that back. If the best thing I ever do is help you succeed, then I'm going to do that. Every single day. Whatever it takes."
"Will you put that on a T-shirt?" I don't know why I say this, other than the mental image of Leslie in her family's T-shirt pops into my brain when she utters that saying.
