I order the rollatini and hand my menu over, wishing I'd faked appendicitis before placing the order.
"I can tell you've got expensive taste."
Huh? I frown. "How can you tell that?"
"I ordered first, and you still ordered something more expensive than me."
"I didn't know there was a rule."
"Yeah, when you order second, it's impolite to order something more expensive. But seriously, let's talk about the elephant in the room."
I'm confused about which elephant he's talking about. Is it the fact that he forgot to mention he's a giant? Or the fact that he doesn't respect hard-working people? Or the fact that I'm pretty sure he's racist? Or the fact that he claimed to be lactose intolerant and then ordered alfredo? Let's not forget aviance, whatever that means. There's going to be a whole lot to unpack with Marley over a bottle of wine and a pint of Ben and Jerry's.
"Your ClikClak. I mean, were you really that stupid, or was it all staged so that you'd get famous? Like are you trying to expand your business?"
My ClikClak? That's why he's here? Oh for the love of God. If I tell him it wasn't staged, then I'm letting him think I'm stupid. I'm not stupid. I justdostupid things. Occasionally.
Like go out with this guy.
"And," he continues without giving me a chance to speak, "how much is this night going to cost me? I was sort of surprised that you wanted me to take you out to dinner first."
"What?" I mean, I know standards are low, but how low can they get?
"Since you're anaccountantand all. I'm surprised you wanted dinner."
I'm not sure what my job has to do with this. "Well, accountants need to eat too."
"None of the other ones I've been with have."
Okay, the red flags are waving as if doing a color guard routine. I can't ignore them for one single second longer. Time to go.
Luckily, the waitress walks by, and I get her attention. "Um, excuse me, can I get my meal to go?" I pull my wallet out and hand her $40. "Keep the change and give the kitchen staff their three percent, please. I'll wait at the bar for my food."
She gives me a tight smile. "You got it, honey."
"Wait, what are you doing?" Jeremy asks.
"I'm paying for my food, and I'll be leaving, thank you very much." I stand up. "Good luck to you, Jeremy."
He stands up too, towering over me and the table. "What are you doing? You can't walk out on me like this. I came all the way in from Lynn!"
The manager walks over. "Right this way, ma'am. You can wait safely with me."
I don't look back, even when Jeremy yells, "You were so desperate on ClikClak. That's why millions of people watched. To laugh at you. You're disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself."
The manager tilts his head and then squints. "Are you …"
"Yes, surprise visit girl. I know."
"We'll make sure he leaves and then get you an Uber home. Sit tight."
While I wait for my food as well as a safe exit, I do what I do best. Pulling out my phone, I hit record.
Well, date number one was a complete and total bust. At least I'll be going home with a good meal from Carmelina's in the North End, right on Hanover Street. The staff here has been great. The date, not so much. Now, I'm gonna go block him before he can harass me here too. But I still believe love is out there, waiting for me. Kisses and hugs!
And I do block Jeremy.
Marley, on the other hand, does not, and she sends me a copy of his video, ranting about me. He also goes off about the staff at Carmelina's and how they tried to poison him because he ended up in the bathroom almost immediately after eating his food. Apparently, he doesn't understand what alfredo sauce is made of. After all, he picked the restaurant solely for theaviance.
