I’m not sure it will, but I’m trying to be supportive. Or at least not a total douche.
“They offered me a job. They want me to start this week,” she says finally.
“That’s good, right? Didn’t you say this is your dream job?”
Hannah shakes her head. “Not my dream job, but I thought it was a step in the right direction. Several steps actually. It’d get my foot—and maybe my whole leg—in the door for sure. Or at least I thought it was.”
“So what’s the problem?” I repeat.
She stands up. “Let’s just say that there’s a facet to this job I didn’t consider. I was so busy trying to stick my foot in the door that I didn’t realize I might be slamming it on someone else.”
I manage to get to my feet in the cramped quarters. “You have to put you first. It’s the only way you’re going to get ahead. No one else is going to be looking out for you and your career, so do what you have to do.”
“I’m not sureI’mwired that way.”
“If you want to get ahead in the world of professional sports, you have to be, whether it’s playing them or reporting on them. Because at the end of the day, you’re going to be there by yourself. Sure, people might help you along the way, but it’s only because they want something in return. Everyone wants something from you.”
Hannah’s expression changes. “Oh, Cally. Is that how you really feel? That people only want something from you?”
“It’s not how I feel. It’s how it is. There are many people who profit and benefit from my blood, sweat, and tears. There aren’t many people who care about me.” It feels so raw stating it aloud, but as I take stock of my life, it’s the truth. I consider Justice one of my closest friends, but he makes a living off of me. Teammates are cordial because I help them win and help the team. Coach Dawes is one of the only past coaches who keep in touch, but I’m bragging rights for him since he recruited me and launched my career. A feather in his cap that gives him the clout to get better recruits and further his own ambitions. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets tapped to coach a USSL team soon.
We won’t even get started on my parents or ex-wife.
“I care about you,” she whispers.
“Do you?”
“Of course I do. I’ve always cared. But it was complicated. I almost died after we were together, and you were off living your dreams. It made me hate you for a while, even though I know you technically had nothing to do with it.”
My chest clenches, thinking about Hannah being so sick. “I wish I had known.” I pull her into a tight hug.
She laughs bitterly against my chest. “What would you have done? Left Nevada to come sit by my bedside?”
We both know the answer to that.
“And I wouldn’t have let you give up your dream for me. We weren’t anything. I mean, other than friends.”
“Friends with benefits?” I’m kicking myself for not keeping in touch with her all these years. I didn’t have a place for her in my life back then. I should have made one.
She looks up at me. “Friends with potential.”
I consider that.
Hannah LaRosa has so much potential.
“Can I offer you a different perspective?” Hannah asks.
I nod.
“Maybe, people only treat you transactionally because you don’t offer them any other way of interacting. You don’t show them who you are. You don’t open yourself up. The only commodity you give them is what you can offer to them as a soccer player. You don’t let them see who you really are.”
Her words hit the mark like an arrow.
How do I tell her I don’t know who I am without soccer? “It’s consumed so much space in my life that it pushed everything else out. It’s all anyone wants from me because it’s all I have.”
“It’s not all you have. It’s the easiest thing you have.”
These words land like a blow, causing me to wince as if I’d been struck. I step back, dropping my hands from her waist. Hannah may look calm and innocent, but she pulls no punches. “Easy? You think it’s easy? Do you know how hard I work? Do you—”
