“Let’s just put it this way, it’s never a good thing to get saddled with the nickname of ‘Back Door Girl.’” My cheeks flame with embarrassment saying the words aloud. I cover my face with my pillow and for the second time in just over twelve hours wish I could dive out of the window to save my dignity, not that there’s much left.
Sitting down on the corner of my bed, Carlos lets out a low whistle. “Well, I always figured you for straight vanilla sex. I had no idea you had a wild side.”
Now I scream into my pillow. “Do you know what it was like to havethatrumor spreading around college? The best thing that ever happened to me was the collapse of MySpace. If it hadn’t imploded, I was going to have to delete my profile.”
“So I take it you are not as adventurous as the name implies? You had to get it somehow.” He lifts a perfectly sculpted eyebrow again.
I hug the pillow to my chest, still staring at the ceiling. I don’t like this story, and I never tell it unless I have to. Unfortunately, from my previous admissions, I don’t have much of a choice but to spill the beans now.
I don’t make eye contact and start rattling off the story, not making sure Carlos is even listening. I just have to say it as quickly as I can, and then I can pack everything up and put it out of my mind for another dozen years.
“Okay, so I went to Indiana University. I played soccer. We were a decent team. My freshman year we were ranked something like twenty-fifth in the country. The men’s team was even better, ranked in the top ten. We used the same facilities and worked around each other’s schedules, like for field time and time in the weight room and with the trainers and whatnot. So we all knew each other. There was a bit of rivalry between the two programs, but the men’s team was definitely better.”
I steal a glance at Carlos. He looks like he’s going to fall asleep.
“So anyway, I was pretty shy. I didn’t date a lot or talk to a lot of guys.”
“So basically nothing’s changed since then.”
I throw my pillow at him and continue. “And it wasn’t like I had a line of guys banging down my door. I was in great shape, but I definitely had what you’d call an athletic build. I was never the cute and perky co-ed that most guys seemed attracted to. And I wasn’t confident enough in myself to pursue anyone either. Many of my teammates were legendary in their conquests. I ... I didn’t know how to talk to anyone without resorting to random sports facts that probably didn’t have anything to do with anything.”
“So again, nothing’s changed.”
The only other pillow I have to throw is currently supporting my head, so I gently kick Carlos instead. But he’s not wrong.
“But, you know, there was this one guy on the men’s team. The goalie. He was fairly attractive. Okay, he was super hot. Anyway, it was right after the end of the season. There was a party for both the men’s and the women’s teams, and since we finally didn’t have to be on the field at oh God o’clock in the morning, I decided to let loose a little.”
Basically, I drank my face off.
“And somehow, I ended up talking with him for most of the night. We had had a class together the year before and were friends-ish. Okay, we were friends. He used to give me fist bumps all the time.”
“Totally friend zone.”
I nod. “Yup, I know. And I was totally in love with him.”
“Did he know?”
I shake my head. No one knew. They’d have laughed at me if I ever so much as tried to bat my eyelashes at him. Mostly because I couldn’t flirt to save my life. Like Carlos said, nothing’s changed.
“But that night, it was different. I went home with him.” To this day, I still can’t quite figure out how it happened. “Totally out of character for me. I’m pretty sure it was the standard operating procedure for him. He wasn’t the biggest ho on the team, but I don’t think he was saving himself for marriage, if you know what I mean.”
Memories of that night flash into my brain, and I feel my face grow flush. Let’s put it this way: when you have two rock-hard athletes in peak physical condition, you can get quite creative.
Plus, I loved the fact that at 6′4″, he made me feel small and feminine. Being 5′9″ with an athletic build didn’t often afford me that feeling with the few guys I did date. No one else had ever been able to lift me up and throw me around quite like that. It was spectacular.
There was a lot I loved about Callaghan Entay.
I fan myself at the memory.
“But in the morning, as I sobered up, I started to get self-conscious. I knew all his roommates. They were all on the team. I’d have to see them around campus and on the field. They were going to label me as another cleat chaser or something equally demeaning. They wouldn’t give him shit for hooking up, but they would have to me.”
“Damn double standards,” Carlos murmurs.
I was also afraid that they’d make fun of him for being with me. Like I wasn’t worthy because I wasn’t pretty enough or girly enough. My ego couldn’t handle that. At least not where Callaghan was concerned.
“For real. Joking around, I said to him that I didn’t want to do the walk of shame out in front of all his roommates. He winked and pointed to another door and told me that it was another exit. I felt like the gods were smiling down on me, and I got dressed and left without even using the bathroom.”
I can still remember that feeling of relief, that I wouldn’t have to face the jeers and taunts about being another conquest. I wouldn’t have to hear them make fun of Callaghan for sleeping with me.
