Her nose crinkles as if someone farted.I hope it wasn’t me."No, and what’s it to you anyway?"
"I don’t know.It’s just … interesting."It’s like watching a ClikClak in real life.I can spend hours watching other people live their lives.It fascinates me.
Plus, you learn all sorts of cool shit.Except how to do magic tricks.I still can’t figure those out.
"Well, glad I could entertain you.Now, if you don’t mind stepping back so I don’t run you over, I’ll be off."
Again, I hold up my hands and step back.I watch her taillights until I can’t see them anymore in the dark September night.I wish she would come back because there’s something I want to know.
What could her sister have possibly found so interesting in me that meeting me became her dying wish?
Chapter 11: Rachel
It could have gone worse.It could have gone a lot better, too.No matter how many times I replay my interactions with TJ Doyle in my brain, the large consensus is that it could have been worse.
That’s a win in my book.
I mean, accusing me of being a stalker was a low point, but I rebounded from there.Thanks, Richie, for bailing me out.It goes without saying that I wouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place if it weren’t for Richie, but that seems like a small detail to harp on, with her being dead and all.
It’s also important to mention that I have never had any kind of interaction with someone that attractive in my life.I thought being that good-looking was the result of a skillful combination of makeup application, Photoshop, and AI.But there he was, TJ Doyle, walking around like some kind of Greek god or Marvel hero.It’s probably a good thing that I was super awkward because of the whole dead sister thing.Otherwise, I would have acted like an idiot because of who I am, and that’s a harder pill to swallow.At least I can blame Richie for this.
If I were in the business of having celebrity crushes, TJ Doyle would 100 percent be it for me.Good thing I’m not that delusional.
Still, I awake the next morning with a sense of accomplishment and a slightly renewed vigor.It’d be more renewed if I had a cup of coffee, because it is the first thing in the morning, and I’m not quite awake yet.Maybe I should do something wild and crazy, like going to a local cafe rather than brewing my java at home?I did decide to start a new chapter in the book of my life, after all.That can include going out for coffee.
It’s slightly overcast, but my phone tells me that the twenty percent chance of rain doesn’t kick in for another hour or so.Plenty of time to get caffeinated and get back to my place before the weather turns crappy.
After another consultation with the almighty Google, I determine there’s a small coffee shop less than a mile from here.I could walk there.It’s highly unlikely the exercise could be bad for me.
New town, new me.That’s going to be my fake-it-’til-I-make-it motto.
Isn’t that what Gram and Gramps want?
Why couldn’t they see that I was content in my life?In the bedroom where I’d finally felt safe?In the job that I knew inside and out and could do with my eyes closed?I’ve had enough transitions to last a lifetime, and I’m not even thirty yet.Why couldn’t they see that staying still was what I needed instead of all this change?
But things change, even if we don’t want them to.
I have no choice but to try to roll with it.Richie would think it’s best.She wouldn’t have left me that list otherwise.Something pushes on the inside of my chest.It’s a little different than the tight clench I feel when I am missing Richie.No, this is my heart moving in the opposite direction—briefly swelling with pride that I was able to cross something off.
I did something for my sister.I did something for me.
It feels good.
I doubt there’s anything else I’ll be able to cross off, but at least I did something.Yes, this accomplishment definitely deserves a cup of coffee.Probably a tasty pastry too.
Then, I can hibernate in my apartment for a while and recharge.
I find a pair of loose-fitting yoga shorts and throw on a neon pink T-shirt that we had made years ago for breast cancer awareness month.We’re lucky that breast cancer hasn’t directly affected our family, but that doesn’t mean Cramer-Romero won’t miss a promotional opportunity.I dig out an old pair of running sneakers from a trash bag of shoes that is still sitting in the corner of my room.The cute canvas ones I wore yesterday had no support, and my feet are talking to me about it.
According to Google Maps, Lawadessa Cafe is only 0.8 miles from my new apartment complex.Even in my perpetual couch potato state, I should be able to manage that.I walk to the end of the access road that leads to my building and turn left onto Oakland Street.There’s a massive brick building across the street that looks like it used to be some kind of factory.The year 1903 is etched in limestone at the top of the center tower.I’ll have to find out what its story is.I bet there’s some history there.
My mind craves a connection to the past in this town that is to be my future.
Even though I’ve been here for over a week, I haven’t explored my new neighborhood on foot yet.Exploration is part of the new leaf territory I decided to turn over.I’m tempted to call Gram and let her know what I’m doing.
It would make her happy.
It would make me unhappy.I still feel betrayed by her.But even calling Gram is a substitute.A distant second.Who I really want to talk about this experience with is Richie.We’d always talked about getting our own place together.We were waiting for her to finish PA school and get a job.Instead, she got cancer.
