Her feet stop moving, and her eyes narrow."I don’t think so.I may not be the most experienced out there, but I know a line when I hear one.What’s next, do you want to get cleaned off, and then I’m naked in your apartment?Do you think I’m one of those girls who loses her head at the sight of a hot guy?Do you think just because you have abs and buns of steel and because I accidentally already rubbed your penis, I’m just going to take off my clothes and let you use me until you’re sick of me and toss me aside like yesterday’s Chipotle wrapper?"
That seems oddly specific and like it may not have anything to actually do with me, other than the abs and buns of steel.And the penis touching.That much is true.
I try to reassure her."I can 100 percent believe that you are not the type to go to a stranger’s apartment and take your clothes off.Yeah, I can believe that.Also, I wasn’t feeding you a line.I wasn’t planning on making a move.I was planning on offering you a towel.You’ve met my parents.You know I come from people who like to help other people."
"Oh."
Oh is right.As in oh boy, what have I gotten myself into?
Chapter 13: Rachel
If I were using my rational brain, I’d say I don’t think I have to worry about TJ Doyle making a move on me.Ever.Anyone with eyes knows something like that would never,ever, happen.
However, if someone were writing a list of whatnotto do in the presence of a guy, I think I’d have checked every one off.
Don’t accidentally make friends with his mom.Check.
Don’t freak out over every single thing he says.Check.
Don’t accidentally touch where his bathing suit covers when you spill his drink on him.Check.
Don’t assume he’s trying to get in your pants when he clearly has no interest.Check.Check.Check.
Finally, I throw my hands up, losing the battle to my inner monologue."Look, I appreciate that you’re being nice.I just haven’t dealt with many people since my sister died, and I think I’ve forgotten how to do it.Not that I was that good at it before, but I’m definitely worse now.Yeah, a lot worse.In case you couldn’t tell.Also, in case I haven’t made it incredibly obvious, I have some trust issues I’m working through right now, too."
Water drips off his hair and runs down his temple.He raises an eyebrow."You?Have issues?Say it isn’t so."
I force a small smile.This is why I don’t like to talk to people.Because when I do, they have no context for me or my life, and I just end up looking like a freak.When I was in grade school, my classmates didn’t understand why sometimes I would have new clothes, and then I’d be in the same outfit for days.It was too hard to explain that I had lots of clothes at my grandparents’ house, but sometimes my mom made us leave our belongings behind when she stormed out of a relationship.It became easier not to talk to people than to explain why I couldn’t have friends over or why I had to make sure Richie had her lunch every day.
Maybe I can explain."Okay, do you want the short version or the long version?"
"I don’t want any version right now.I want to go put some dry clothes on and warm up before I get too tight.I’ve got practice in a little bit, and I don’t want to be more sore than I need to be."
Yup.I have definitely overstayed my welcome."Good point.I’ll just go."I hitch my thumb over my shoulder in the direction of the door.This will be for the best.It’s easier to keep to myself than get into why I am the way I am.I look out at the parking lot.The rain has escalated, and it’s now coming down sideways, pelting the pavement.It’s going to sting, I just know it.
Then I look closer and see tiny white pellets bouncing off the ground.Hail can damage cars.I can only imagine what it’ll do to me.I’m going to be bruised and battered.At least my outsides will finally match my insides.
"Don’t be stupid.Just come and get dried off, and give this a chance to pass.I promise, I won’t make a move."
Of course, he won’t make a move.I can’t even believe I said that.There is no way in hell someone who looks like him would go for someone like me.Not that I want him to.I don’t.I’m still not interested in dating because it’s nothing but heartbreak.
But it’s not like he’s asking me out.Or even flirting with me.Perhaps he’s simply being nice.I spent an hour or so with his parents and brothers yesterday after the game.They do seem like the type of people who like to help.It wouldn’t be a stretch to think he was raised to be kind as well.
Okay, maybe I should take him at his word.Just a little.Just for right now."I mean, it’s probably not the best idea to go out in the hail."
"If that’s what you describe as ‘not the best idea,’ I sort of want to be there for what one of your worst ideas is.And when I say be there, I mean sitting on the sideline, eating popcorn, and watching that shit show.I’m this way."He tips his head down the hall.
We head to the elevator, where he pushes the number five.
If you looked up awkward in the dictionary, it would have a picture of this moment.The two of us, standing side by side.Me, looking like a drowned rat with my brown hair parted down the middle, falling out of the sloppy bun at the nape of my neck, and plastered to my head.I’d actually put some mascara on this morning, and it’s undoubtedly tracking down my cheeks, so that I now resemble a deranged raccoon.TJ Doyle, on the other hand, is one of those mythical creatures who actually gets hotter when he’s soaking wet, like Mr.Darcy walking out of the lake.His black T-shirt is now hugging every single muscle on his torso and arms.
I totally understand why he made it to Richie’s bucket list.He should be on every woman’s bucket list.And free pass list.He should be on all the lists.
I should break the silence.I should make small talk.I should do something—anything—to make this elevator trip less uncomfortable.We’re only going up five floors, but it might as well be fifty.Are there minions pulling this elevator by hand?Maybe a hamster on a wheel?
I try to think of something to say and draw a complete and total blank.Why am I so bad at this?
Oh, right.I don’t talk to many people, unless it has to do with sewage.Even I know that’s a topic to steer clear of in casual conversation.I virtually never speak to a member of the opposite sex if he isn’t related to me or if he doesn’t work with me.Dear Lord, it’s as if I’ve lost all ability to function in a social context.
