"I think that Richie knew I was going to be even more of a recluse after, and so she put the most absurd things on the list to try and get me to live a little."
I offer a different perspective."Maybe she didn’t want you wasting the gift of your life when hers was going to end so soon."
Rachel stares at me, wide-eyed.I don’t know what I could have possibly said that upset her, but unless she blinks soon, I’m afraid her eyeballs are going to fall out of her head.Then her eyes narrow."Are you sure you never met her?Are you sure she didn’t put you up to this?"
I’ve met a lot of people in my life.While I can’t guarantee I never met her sister, I can honestly say I’m not in cahoots with her.Or anyone else, for that matter.I shake my head."There is no great plot.She’s doing this on her own."
Curiosity is gnawing away again.I have to know what’s on her list."What else is on there?Maybe there’s something you can do that’s not as bad as you think."
Rachel’s lips become a thin line for a moment.Then, she folds the top of the paper back and slides it over to me, her hand remaining on the paper.Only the list is exposed.
Some of the items are simple.Some are totally ridiculous.Nothing makes sense together, and none of them has anything to do with each other.
"This is pretty … random."I struggle for something to say, hoping to break this uncomfortable silence.
Rachel appears to be studying the list upside down.I’m sure she’s read it so much already that she has it committed to memory.Her hand contracts, pulling the list back.She quickly folds it and places both her hands on top of it."Yeah, well, she did have a brain tumor, so that could be part of it."
"She died of a brain tumor?"I ask before I can help myself."That sounds awful."
Rachel nods."She didn’t fit the demographic for the type of cancer she had, so it shocked everyone.She’d just finished PA school.So for her, delivering a baby makes sense.She really wanted to do that.Me, not so much."
I think about the list for a minute.I don’t know much about Rachel at all, but none of it vibes with the woman sitting across from me.
Rachel slaps her hands down on the counter, making me jump."That’s it!"she declares."That’s it.I’m sick of being sad.I’m sick of grieving.I’m sick of being afraid all the time.I just want to be.I want to be happy.I don’t want to be the girl with the troubled mom and the dead sister and the panic attacks.I want to be me.But I don’t know who that is."
Her statement strikes a chord with me.I want to be me, too.Not my brothers’ stupid little brother.Not my mother’s man-child, whom she still has to parent.Not just a soccer player.Not just eye candy on the internet.
Except I don’t know what or who else I am, either.
Our deep thoughts are interrupted by the musical intonations of my dryer.It’s full-on playing an entire song that goes on forever.I’m not sure I’ve ever heard that before."Is it supposed to sound like that?"
"If it’s a Samsung, yes.That’s what they all sound like."
How does she know this?Is there a secret dryer-sound cult, and is she a part of it?
"Really?"I ask.
"Yeah.It’s actually a song, like a classical one.I think maybe Schubert?I feel like I saw a ClikClak about it one time."She pulls out her phone and begins scrolling.
"Oh, are you on ClikClak?What’s your handle?"I pick up my phone and swipe open the app.After a moment, I realize she hasn’t said anything.I glance at her."What’s your handle?"
She shakes her head and stands."My clothes are done."Abruptly, she turns and heads down the hall.I hear the dryer door open and close.Then the same for the bathroom door.A moment later, Rachel returns, dressed in her bright pink T-shirt and shapeless gray shorts.
She looked better in my clothes.I bet she’d look pretty damn good without any clothes on.
"Well, thanks for everything.I should be going now."She jerks her thumb toward the door."I’ll just see myself out."
"Hang on, I’ll walk you home."My mom would be proud of me for being so chivalrous.As we head toward the door, I catch the time on my microwave."Oh shit, I can’t.I’ve got to get to practice."I’m going to have to hurry or else I’m going to be late.Again."I’m so sorry."
Rachel offers me a small smile.It’s one of the few I’ve seen grace her face this whole time.It does something magical to her.It makes her seem years younger and lighter.She’s pretty."No, please.I’m sorry I took so much of your time.Thank you for being kind and not thinking I’m a weirdo."
I laugh."Well, I never saidthat."
Her smile grows."Now I know why Richie liked you.I hope she can see this.I hope she knows how great you’ve been to me."
I don’t think I’ve been particularly great or even anything special.I wonder who Rachel’s been spending time with that makes her feel so small."Well, we’re bound to run into each other at the coffee shop, or somewhere else in the neighborhood.If you ever want to teach me how to do laundry, hit me up.I’m usually free."
She raises an eyebrow.
