Funny, I didn’t feel this way when Rachel was here.
Weird.
Chapter 15: Rachel
"He doesn’t even know how to do laundry!"I shout at the ceiling.Seriously, Richie needs to know what kind of man she spent her limited time lusting over.Once again, Richie has nothing to say for herself.Would it be too much to ask of her to slam a door or knock over a lamp or do some moaning, just so I know she’s still with me?
But no, she’s silent.Everything is silent.Now I know what they mean when they say silence is deafening.I’ve always been one for quiet, but this is oppressive.I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling, but nothing changes.
If Richie were here, I’d tell her about running into TJ Doyle.I’d tell her that out of all the apartment complexes in all the world, he had to live in the one across the street from mine.I’d tell her that he was kind of … sweet.Almost nurturing.
Let me be clear, I don’t think he has any idea how to truly nurture someone else.But he’s obviously been well cared for in his life, and it seems to be second nature to extend that caregiving to those around him.His family is the kind I used to dream about having when I was growing up.A mom and a dad who showed up to school functions and did things like go out for ice cream afterward.
He’s a grown-ass adult, and his family is still doing that.
I wonder if he even knows how lucky he is.Probably not.If I was ever going to talk to him again, which I probably won’t, I’d tell him.Sometimes people don’t appreciate what’s right in front of their faces.
And speaking of faces … I fan myself.He is, without a doubt, the hottest guy I’ve ever talked to.Is lust contagious?If so, I’ve caught it from my sister.
I roll onto my stomach, open up ClikClak, and search his profile.There are several accounts with various versions of his name.Then the real one pops up, with the green star, indicating that it’s a verified account.
Damn, he’s got over four million followers.
It only takes me about 30 seconds to figure out why.Most of his content is of him working out.Barely clothed.My face flushes, and my body feels as if it’s on fire.Holy crap.He’s like a walking … I don’t even know what.My brain is short-circuiting too much to even come up with a good analogy.
Logically, being a professional athlete, you know he has to have good physical fitness.I saw him play.I know that takes a certain prowess that someone like me would never ever possess.But dear God, this man rivals something Michelangelo would have carved.
"Okay, I get it now!"I yell to the ceiling.
The only account I have for ClikClak is the one I use for the business.There is no way in hell I’d message him from that one.I would die of embarrassment if he ever found out that I film shit for a living.
Quickly, before I have too much time to overthink what I’m doing, I create a new account.I follow him and a few pages that I already follow, mostly people who make me laugh.I take a picture of myself and upload it, putting it to music, so there’s at least one video of me.Then, I send him a DM.
Me: Thanks again for letting me dry off yesterday.I appreciate it.
Me: And sorry about the crotch thing again.
I probably will never hear from TJ Doyle again, but I did want to let him know that I saw his kindness and thank him for it.And also that I was apologetic for the inappropriate touching.People who grow up in loving and supportive homes often take that for granted.Not the inappropriate touching—the kindness part.Gram and Gramps did everything they could for Richie and me, but once that seed of doubt and insecurity was planted, nothing could erase it.I never expect unprompted kindness.
My phone buzzes with a notification.I scramble to sit upright.This cannot be happening.
TJ: No problem.You get home ok?
I smile.I can’t help myself.
Me: Yes.It’s just across the road.You make it to practice ok?
TJ: One minute to spare.That’s notable for me.
Me: I tend to run late too.And that was when I just had to walk across the yard to get to work.Now that I have to drive, it’s going to be interesting.
As soon as I type it, I want to hit unsend.To erase.Because I know what’s going to come next.
TJ: Where do you work?
Yup, there it is.
It’s not that I’m ashamed of what I do.Working for my grandfather has been great.Well, it’s been okay.Alright, my job sucks, but I’m helping the family out, and it’s a steady paycheck.Until I can find something else I want to do more, it’ll suffice.I keep thinking one day, I’ll wake up and BAM!Suddenly, I’ll know what I want to do with my life.
