Eventually, I doze off, my phone dropping from my hand.I awaken a little while later, my fingers still curled and my thumb making the swiping motion, even though my phone has fallen to the floor.Jesus, this isn’t healthy.
In the middle of the night, alone with my thoughts, I will myself not to pick up my cell and start scrolling again.
That lasts for about three minutes.
I think this might be some sort of problem, but what do I know?Hell, at least it’s not drugs or alcohol or women.It could always be much worse.
Couldn’t it?
Chapter 4: Rachel
The Baldpate Road video is still amassing views.It’s also amassing some serious dollars.Sweet.Not that I have anything to spend it on because I have no life.
When I first started making some extra income on ClikClak, I told Richie I’d use the money to help pay her medical bills.I envisioned us being in debt for years, living on ramen and franks and beans.I also envisioned myself being very thin, because I hate beans, so that would mean I’d have to skip every other meal.It’s not an ideal plan, but it certainly beats where I am now—debt-free and sisterless.
Because Richie was on her own insurance and over the age of 26, she wasn’t a dependent for Gram and Gramps any longer.She didn’t own property or have an estate, so both her student loan and medical debts were canceled once we provided her death certificate.
So now I have all this money rolling in and nothing to do with it.
I could plan a trip.I glance at Richie’s list, which is never far from my person.I consider laminating it so I don’t ruin it, but I want to be able to touch the pen strokes.
Go somewhere on a plane
I’ve never been on a plane before.It seems like such a big task.Way too much for the first thing to cross off.I freeze, the paper still in my hand.I can’t cross things off the list.There’s no way I can mark up something Richie did with her own hands.I am now paralyzed by the weight of this problem.
"Rachel, what’s wrong?You look like you saw a ghost.Is Richie here?"Uncle Robert laughs as he brushes by me, heading to his desk.I can’t blame him, as I’m standing squarely in the middle of the office.
"Richie left me a to-do list, but I can’t cross anything off it."I hold the paper out, shaking in my trembling hands.
He ambles over and takes the precious parchment, his lips moving as he reads."Man, she got you good.She knew you’d never do any of these things without her, and she’s guilt-tripping you from the great beyond.God, I miss that kid."
Sometimes I wonder if the roles had been reversed, if anyone would miss me the way we all miss Richie."Yeah, well, if only I could fly there on a plane, at least I’d get to cross one off, but I can’t even do that because I don’t want to ruin the letter," I say, hoping he can’t see what’s really on my mind—the thought of being utterly forgettable.
Uncle Robert shakes his head, handing me back the paper."For a smart girl, you can be pretty dumb.Make a photocopy."He gestures to the antiquated, hulking machine that takes up the south corner of the office.
Well, that was obvious.
To be safe, I make six copies.Then I carefully fold up Richie’s original letter, putting it in my purse for safekeeping.I know where I’ll store it at home.All my problems are solved.Except, of course, the big ones.
Gramps walks in."Bobby, did you hear from Marchand?"Gramps is the only one allowed to call Uncle Robert Bobby.Richie tried … once.It did not go well.I didn’t know he could yell that loud.
"Yeah, he says we’re good to go on the South Shore expansion."Uncle Robert looks at his email."Just waiting on the lease for the office space to be finalized.We got the place in the town of Sharon."
Gramps laughs."You know she’s never going to let us forget that."My grandmother’s name is Sharon.
I hadn’t realized how close to fruition the plan was."Will you call this location Cramer-Romero Associates Pumps Number 2?"
Uncle Robert laughs."Or how about Sharon’s Cramer-Romero Associates Pumps?"
"Can I design the logo for that?Something in nice shades of brown?"I manage with barely a smile.
Before the jokes get too out of hand, Gramps stops us.You’d think he’d have a better sense of humor, doing what he does, but he really hates toilet jokes.
He’s in the wrong business.
"Rachel, I want you to work out of that office.We need someone who knows the ins and outs of how we do things."
My mouth goes dry.My heart starts to race.I don’t like new things.I don’t like change.I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.
