Chapter 30: TJ
Rachel has gone rigid, sitting on her couch next to me.I sink back, suddenly depleted of the strength needed to overcome gravity.Her couch is infinitely more comfortable than mine."Where’d you get your couch?"I ask.It’s easier than talking about what just went down.I’m pretty sure I acted like my nieces during their terrible twos phase.
I’m not sure if I’m still livid or embarrassed for acting like a spoiled toddler.
"It’s a Bob-o-pedic from Bob’s Furniture," she answers, her voice robotic.
"It’s comfy."I scrub my hands down my face."Did that just really happen?"
Rachel doesn’t say anything.She’s staring off into space.
"Rach?You okay?"I sit up.She doesn’t look so good.
Finally, she whispers, "I’m processing."
"Right."I don’t move."Processing what?How my parents lied to me my whole life?How they kept a … a mental defect from me?"I know my words aren’t accurate.But hell, words have never been my strong suit.Now at least I know why.
I also neglect to ask her if she’s processing my childish behavior.
Rachel is still and calm.Like, freakishly still and calm."Tyler, I think maybe you need to deal with this in private.You don’t need someone you barely know getting all up in your business.Maybe it’d be better if you left."
She’s kicking me out?Now?"Rach."I swivel to face her, taking her hands in mine."Rachel, I just found out that my entire life is a lie.That my family betrayed me.That—"
Rachel stands up, pulling her hands from mine.She hugs them tightly around her chest and turns to look out the window.I have no idea why she’s acting like this.
"Rachel—"
"Tyler, please.I’m trying so hard right now, but I don’t know how much more I can take."The words strain coming out of her mouth."But I can’t say what I’m thinking, either.You’ll hate me for it."
"I think you should let me be the judge of that, because I can’t think of anything you could say that would make me hate you."She’s probably going to rant about my parents.I won’t hold it against her.They deserve to be ranted about.
She turns around, her face ashen.I raise my eyebrows to encourage her to start.
She sucks in a deep breath and then says, "My rational brain is having a war with my irrational brain.I don’t know that either side will be the victor."Her eyes are huge right now.She rolls her lips into a flat line for a minute."This is about you.What you’ve experienced your whole life, and what—and how—you found out about it.It’s about you and your relationship with your family.I understand that it’s upsetting.I know that, but I can’t be upset for you.I’m too upset at you, which is stupid.I know this isn’t about me.It’s not.So I’m trying not to say anything until I can regain that perspective."
She’s upset at me?"What?How?Why?None of that makes any sense."
Rachel’s voice is so quiet I can barely hear it."I know it doesn’t, but I’m angry that you’re this upset when it’s just dyslexia."
"Just dyslexia?"If my eyes bulged any more, they’d pop out of my head.Just dyslexia?Where does she get off?
"It’s not glioblastoma.It’s not terminal brain cancer.You’re not going to have seizures.You’re not going to puke your guts out and lose your hair from the chemo.You’re not going to lose motor function and the ability to see.You’re not going to die.You’re going to keep living.Your mom is going to keep taking care of you.You’re going to keep playing soccer.You’re going to keep cruising through life, never knowing how lucky you are."
In an evening full of shocks and surprises, this was not anything I’d even have remotely expected.
"I’m sorry that I feel that way, but that’s where I am right now.So, have a nice life, I guess."She walks toward the door and pulls it open."Thanks for everything.I do appreciate it."
"You’re kicking me out?"
She falters."Don’t you want to leave?"
Her words aren’t making any sense."I … I don’t understand.Why would I leave?"
Her gaze darts around the room.She’s looking anywhere but at me.
"Rachel?Do you want me to go?"
She shakes her head."But why do you want to stay?"
