It feels like a million years ago.
"In about three days, your body will get back on schedule.Speaking of which, I am going to have to leave soon, but it’s not because I’m deserting you.I have to eat and get to bed at a decent hour.I need to sleep in my own bed tonight."
Rachel says, "I understand.I … I’ve never been good at long-term relationships of any kind.I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up.I had Richie, who was all I needed.She wasn’t just my sister.She was my very best friend.But she still left me, too."Her voice is so small.
I move to her again, taking her in my arms.She fits into me so perfectly."Rachel, I’m guessing if Richie’d had a choice, she wouldn’t have left."
"I know.I know it wasn’t her choice.And Gram and Gramps kicking me out wasn’t to hurt me.It was to help me.Kind of like your parents.Good intentions, shitty results."
I look around.Her apartment is still newly lived in.There isn’t artwork on the walls, and there are a few boxes here and there.I wouldn’t call her totally settled yet."Seems to me like you’re taking steps to build a life.You picked out one hell of a couch.You made a new friend.You’re accomplishing Richie’s list."
"I’ve made two new friends.Ophelia and I really hit it off.I may have to pretend to be your girlfriend so Ophelia and I can do WAG events together.She’s a lot of fun."
The voice inside me is yelling, "You don’t have to pretend!" It’s all I can do not to kiss her again or sweep her up in my arms and carry her to the bedroom.That would most certainly complicate the situation.I want Rachel to be with me for the right reasons, not just because she was swept up in complex emotions.
I want her to want me like I want her.Simple as that.
Chapter 31: Rachel
I’m going to need a week to recover from everything that’s happened, not to mention at least a dozen years of therapy.To be fair, I could use the therapy, even if the last week hadn’t happened.Tyler is texting and calling multiple times per day, as his schedule permits, to let me know he’s not blowing me off.I am using every tool in my toolbox to take him at his word.
I’m failing miserably.
I want to believe him, but I know Mom believed all her loser boyfriends.Not that Tyler is my boyfriend.We’ve lived up to our agreement to keep Vegas in Vegas, and we’re back to being strictly friends.
Just because no one’s ever kept their promises to me doesn’t mean I’m going to break the ones I’ve made, no matter how much I want to.
Saturday morning, I receive a text from Ophelia, asking if I’m going to the game.
Me: Hadn’t planned on it.
Ophelia: Damn.I was hoping we could hang out.It’s a lot more fun with friends.
She considers me a friend.I don’t want her to be by herself.I know what that feels like.Quickly, I text her back.
Me: Where are you sitting?I’ll see if I can get one in the same section.
Ophelia: TJ can get you one.Like he did for the Vegas game.
My hand hesitates before typing the next text.These tickets are reserved for very special people only.The wives and girlfriends.I’m neither.I don’t like lying.How can I expect people to be honest with me if I lie to them?
A voice in the back of my head screams at me that I’m already lying to TJ by pretending to be his friend when I want so much more.I figure if I suppress these feelings long enough, I’ll get over my crush.Every woman with a pulse, and probably a fair number of men too, has a crush on TJ Doyle.And they don’t even know him.The real him.The one who is nurturing by nature.The one who is so worried about what everyone else will think that he spends hours reshooting and editing his videos so no one can criticize him.
I understand that a whole lot more since everything with his parents went down.Still, I decide to text him nonetheless.I’ll let him decide about the deception.
Me: Good luck today!What time do you leave?
TJ: I was just going to text you.Leaving around noon.
Me: I was texting with Ophelia.She wants me to come to the game.Would you be able to get me a ticket so I can sit with her?
Me: I know I don’t technically meet the criteria.
TJ: Done.
Me: Are you sure?I don’t want you to get in trouble.
TJ: It’s fine.But if the ticket police investigate, you’re going to have to kiss me to prove our relationship.
