“I was just telling him how comfortable you made me feel in our first meeting. I’m… I’m even wearing the elastic now, professor.” He winked, and it felt like I had just been slammed by a bus in rush hour traffic – every wheel of the monstrosity rolled across my body. I swayed. Strong hands grabbed my arms. “You… uh…”
“No, not again. Fine. I’m totally fine, just…” I muttered and silently cursed.
The dean’s eyes were as sharp as his nose as he stared at me with an emotion that made me want to wither. “Yes, Darren here was telling me howhappyhe was to be inyourstudio. It seems that things with the two of you are goingverywell, Thomas. I knew you were therightchoice.”
I heard the implications. I had almost said something in front of my student that I… Dean Remington might have murdered me right here for fucking up his grand scheme. I knew how badly he wanted the money that Darren's parents could bring into the college. I had also almost said something that could have hurt Darren’s feelings, and that was… anathema to me. I couldn’t – wouldn’t hurt him. It would rip me apart. I was… I knew exactly what I was.
Fuck.
It was totally… It wasn’t fair. I had waited my whole life to have this feeling that I had always been told would happen to me. A junior who hadn’t even really declared a major? I knew I was beating that point in my brain, but it was the first thought I had.
He let go of my arms. I suppose he assumed I had steadied myself, and as soon as he let go, my knees gave out – but I caught myself and stood up straight. The smirk on Darren’s face - the fright in his eyes – he felt it too. He was just as scared as I was.
“This line is too damn long.” Dean Remington huffed.
“You are the dean.” Darren chuckled. “I think you could…”
“That’s right.” Dean Remington stepped out of line and walked past the other people waiting, and within a few seconds, he had a glass of red wine in his hand.
“Must be nice to be the dean.” Darren took a step closer to me, and I had to stop my body from taking that one step that would put our bodies in contact.
“Yeah…” My mouth was so fucking dry. Being so close to him again was making my body react in violent and unhealthy ways. At least, that was how it felt.
“Thomas, I… I really did like your class. I think you’re… a really great professor.” His eyes darted around, trying to look anywhere but at me. What was he thinking? I needed to know, but… I couldn’t pursue this, no matter how much my libido wanted me to. Shit, just standing next to him might get me pregnant. The smell of him was… intoxicating. How was I going to get through this semester? Maybe I needed to be honest with Dean Remington about what was happening to me? That would have to shake him up. What would Darren’s parents think about the two of us? Would they be happy, or would they withhold their money from the college because of it?
It was my only play – or I was going to humiliate myself one day when I couldn’t hold back any longer. The image of me jumping on Darren while he was in the choir had a fairly sobering effect on me.
This was the school where I loved teaching. I had to keep myself in check and not straddle him right here, which was what my body begged me to do.
“I feel it too.” His whisper – his confession made my mind shut down, and I didn’t know how to respond. “It’s… I’ve never had this – you know? I thought it would be later, and…”
“We have to figure this out.” I started to reach out to him and then withdrew my hand. “This is…”
“Fate?” His beautiful eyes grew big as he looked at me longingly.
“A mistake. Neither one of us is in a position to…”
“Do you know how much restraint it’s taking to not pull you into my arms right now?” He frowned.
I nodded. “But we can’t.” I stepped back.
“What if fate doesn’t make mistakes?”
Without another word, I turned from him and ran as fast as I could manage out of the party and down the stairs as if I were Cinderella fleeing her prince. I had to make things right for both of us. But what if he was right. What if fate never let us go?
6
DARREN
It has been a very fucked up month.
As September slipped away and faded into October, everything changed.
I couldn’t concentrate on the soccer field as well as I normally did. We lost a game or two that we shouldn’t have, but my mind was a whirling dervish of him. Thomas Elder had permeated every part of me, and it had taken control of my every waking moment. The way he smiled – but mainly frowned in my presence, was a balm to the moments without him.
I spent more moments without him than with him, and my body was tense, and on fire, with a need I had never imagined.
Twice a week, I met with him in his office. He had brought in a piano player so we wouldn’t be alone. I knew that’s what it was because it made it easier to be around each other if there were others. If we had been alone – I wouldn’t have been able to stop my hands from caressing him – my arms from crushing him against me, so my lips could touch his.
