I looked around my room, taking a moment to think as I munched on a fry. Yep, glorious. Emma loved me completely, but I wasn’t sure how to have this conversation. While Emma had always been completely supportive of me, we didn’t see the world through the same lens. It was impossible to get Emma to understand exactly where I was coming from no matter how much she wanted to be there for me.
“How about I start?” Emma interrupted my thoughts. She placed her plate on my trunk and stood up, stretching a bit before glancing around my living room. Her yoga pants were topped by a baggy T-shirt proclaiming her love of romance books, statingHEA All Day. I shook my head as she headed over to my wall of boxes.
“So,” she began, gesturing to the boxes. “Where are you heading first?”
Before I could even begin to think about stopping myself, the damn burst and tears flowed down my cheeks in rivers.
I felt Emma hurry back to the couch. She slid next to me, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders. “Mags, Mags. What is it?”
I growled, frustrated beyond comprehension. “Damn it all. I never cry, and now I’m becoming some type of tear factory. What the hell?” I asked, wiping my face off on my long sleeve. Poor Nathaniel Rateliff. He and the Night Sweats didn’t deserve my snot and tears on their T-shirt.
“Just going out on a limb here, but I’d guess that might have something to do with hormones.”
I sprang up from the couch, throwing my arms up. “How? How? Dr. Graham said that right now he isn’t even the size of a bean. He’s the size of a blueberry. A blueberry!” I paced back and forth in front of my couch. “How can something the size of a blueberry be making me cry, be making me so damn tired, be making me want to puke when I smell the nectar of the gods. I mean, how is that even possible?” With a loud growl of frustration, I fell back into the couch and crossed my arms over my chest.
Emma looked at me, an incredulous expression on her gorgeous face. “Well, are you done? One, I’m betting Dr. Graham told you that all this is normal. Two, do you want to tell me what you’re really pissed about?”
“What the hell? You don’t think I’m allowed to be pissed that my entire life is upended after one stupid night?”
Emma’s hands went up in a defensive gesture. “Okay, babe, easy. Absolutely you get to be pissed. Confused even. You can be as emotional as you want. It’s just, knowing you as I do, I don’t think we’ve gotten to everything you’re mad about yet.”
I tipped my head back on the arm of the couch and gave Emma’s words some thought. Thinking about it, I had a feeling she was right. “I think I’m upset that my plans have changed.”
“I’d say that is valid. Keep going.” She rubbed my leg, giving reassurance and telling me to spill.
“I’m mad that I probably should stick closer to home this summer. Maybe only do short trips, especially while this nausea is with me.” My heart thumped with nervousness.
“Also valid. I might be a bit exhausted traveling for the next few weeks too if I was you. What else?”
My heart sped up as I got down to it. “I think I’m upset because I don’t know if traveling is even what I want anymore.” Tears came flooding down again. “I’m upset because I don’t know what I want.”
Emma slid over, wrapping her arms around me and laying her head on my shoulder. “And that is totally valid, Maggie. Your life just took a curve you weren’t expecting. Be kind to yourself. Maybe take some time to think about it. Don’t make any rash decisions. Summer is just beginning. You are swimming in time.”
I let out a deep sigh. Even though I was still an emotional wreck, I needed to get this out. “I’m not swimming in it. Not really.” Big breath. “I made the decision that this year will be my last one at the middle school. I’ll finally make my move next summer.”
Emma looked at me in shock, waiting.
What did I say? Emma had always supported me, but she didn’t understand my desire to move. I closed my eyes, trying to summon some strength. Looking at her again, I whispered gently, “Em, it’s time.”
“But you’ll have a baby,” she whispered back to me.
Damn, that was a pang to my heart. “I know.”
A tear snaked down Emma’s cheeks. Sadness poured off her in waves. “I just, I mean, I want you to be happy, Mags. I know this is what you want. But will my niece or nephew know me?” Her eyes widened a bit on a gasp. “Will they know Sully?”
Apparently, my tears had no end. They kept flowing as I reached over to wrap my arms around Emma, and she did the same in return. “Of course they’ll know you. And Sully. I’d never keep the baby from him.” I pushed Emma’s long brown ponytail away from my mouth as we rocked back and forth together.
For a few beats, we sat there in silence.
Finally Emma spoke. “But you think you might stick around this summer?”
I pulled back a smidge to look at her, giving her a look that said Iwouldbe moving on eventually.
Emma gave me a watery smile. “Not saying you’re not leaving next summer, but I’ll be glad to keep you as long as we can.”
I squeezed her one more time before sliding back to give us room. “Maybe… but my duplex, the sublet…”
Emma ran her hand down my ponytail and onto my back. “I know Sully said you could stay at his place. You can stay with Max and me or my parents. Hell, I’d let you stay at my old place, but I accepted a bid today. It looks like I’ll be officially moving out.”
