One song changed to the next, the beat pumping through the store. I tipped my head back and smiled, letting the music fill me up as I spun around, laughter filling the space as we moved. God, or Goddess, as Ivy would say, I had needed this. Everything else could wait.
22
To Can or Not to Can
Sully
The past two weeks had been the best and worst of my life. I felt like I was reading that damn book from high school… Itwas the best of times, it was the worst of times.Two weeks ago, Maggie had been under me. We’d connected in a way I hadn’t ever before. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how I could adequately describe what we were to someone else, because I couldn’t make sense of it myself. It had been a while, as I told her, but that wasn’t it. Maggie and I had hooked up back in April, and the same thing had happened. Connection. Sex was great—it always had been—but with Maggie it was something more. Deeper. What the literal fuck? She was all I could think about.
I’d realized I had feelings for Maggie a few years ago when she walked into the brewery, positively glowing with excitement over some gardening crap. Watching her face, lit up from within, it was like I woke up. I hadn’t done anything about it then, just listened to her ramble on about plants and her need to have flowers for the monarch butterfly in her small garden. I’d nodded my head, not having a clue what she was going on about, but thinking she’d looked damn sexy doing it. That didn’t stop me from going home and googling what the fuck she meant, then going out and planting a shit load of nectar plants for the damn butterflies. I’d known I wasn’t in a place to be what she needed, yet, but I planned to get there one day. If I could plant some flowers to help these butterflies to make her happy, so be it.
However, last year at the start of summer, Maggie had come into the brewery on a date with some guy. Emma told me about it later, saying Maggie said he hadn’t been anything to write home about. That didn’t negate the shot to the gut I felt when I’d looked up from the bar and saw her sitting at a high-top with a guy who had his hand resting on her thigh.
The noise of the brewery had faded away, and my vision had tunneled so it was like the two of them were all I could see. I’d told Jake and Daryl that I forgot I needed to help my dad with something and had walked right out of the bar. I didn’t think Maggie had seen me, but it didn’t matter. Either I got out of there ASAP or I was going to drag Maggie out. I wasn’t sure when the caveman persona had invaded my body, but that was the urge I’d felt standing there that night in my brewery. I’d been raised by a strong woman and truly believed women were equal to men in all ways or likely superior. That didn’t stop the word that immediately popped into my brain that night while looking at Maggie with that dick.
Mine.
That night had changed me. I knew without a shadow of doubt where I wanted to end up and with whom. Any girl I tried to see after that might as well have had a neon sign over her head that flashedNot Maggiebecause casual dating had lost any and all enjoyment. Those dates stood in the way of what I wanted.
No, what I needed. Or, to be more accurate, who I needed.
Now we’d been together twice. The first time things hadn’t gone according to plan. Hell, I hadn’t planned any of it. That night back in April I’d simply wanted to make sure she was safe. Well, that and to be sleeping next to her all night absolutely factored in. But I’d never thought we’d go there, not yet.
Waking up next to her had been like a dream come true. I’d started getting my hopes up, thinking that maybe it was time to see if she felt what I did. She’d joked with me for years about the two of us. I was just hoping that there was some truth behind those jokes. What followed that morning was the stuff of my fantasies but better.
And then the condom broke.
I still couldn’t believe it. Doubly protected, just as my dad had preached to Max and me for years, and she still wound up pregnant. Not that I was complaining. Far from it.
I ran my hands through my hair and looked out at the quiet brewery. Jake was in the back, and lunch service would begin soon. We were meeting in a bit to talk about canning, a conversation I wasn’t looking forward to, but all I could think about was Maggie.
I knew that everyone was surprised that I hadn’t freaked at the news from Maggie, but honestly, my first thought when I’d found out weeks ago had been if she was okay. I remembered being worried about her finding out on her own. Being worried about her body, if she was struggling with this. I remembered wishing her mom was still around, wishing she’d talk to my mom. Wanting to take care of her, to have someone take care of her.
I had the overwhelming feeling of needing to get my shit together, to be there for her and the baby as my dad had been for us. And I clearly remembered the feeling of everything beingright. Maggie having my baby?Ourbaby?Yep, that was absolutely a plan I could get behind. Now just to get her to believe in it too.
I knew that she was skittish, and I didn’t want to freak her out. Getting her to move in with me was huge. I was so damn grateful that she was there. Over the past few weeks, I’d gotten to be there for her, and it was everything I’d hoped for. I made her peppermint tea that helped combat her morning sickness. I pulled her hair into a ponytail and rubbed her back when it didn’t work and she sat praying to the porcelain throne. I watched her throw the ball every night with Ranger before crashing on the couch. I carried her to her bed when she fell asleep trying to binge watch something on Netflix. In small ways, I’d become part of her routine. Not only did I not want that to end, I wanted more.
Two weeks ago, we’d fallen back into that bed together. God, nothing looked as good as Maggie’s hair spread out over my pillow. My sheets still smelled like her perfume a week later. I’d put off washing them, but sleeping with her scent surrounding me relaxed me like nothing else could. Well, beyond having her in my bed. I’d hoped that night meant a new beginning for us. I should have known that nothing with Maggie would be that simple. Falling asleep with my arms surrounding her had been a dream, but I’d woken up to reality in the form of my empty bed.
That day I’d decided to take my direction from Maggie and hadn’t brought anything up all day long, trying my damnedest to act normal. I’d gone to work, came home, cooked dinner, and acted like all was well. Finally that evening I decided I had to say something, had to try to address the giant elephant in the room.
It was a no go.
We’d sat in the living room, watching some show on TV about fixing up houses that she loved. I’d asked her what the previous night had meant to her, where she saw us. Two weeks later, I could still close my eyes and remember the pained look on her face, the words that had cut me to the quick. Maggie’s face had swiveled to mine and her eyes filled up immediately with tears.
“Not now, Sully. I can’t do this now,” she’d whispered.
My mind had raced back over the previous night. Had I done something she didn’t want? Surely not, or she wouldn’t be sitting by my side right now. But I had to know, the thought made me ill.
“Did I hurt you? Did you not want that last night?” My throat had been full of emotion I didn’t know what to do with. Even now, weeks later, it still got to me.
A tear had spilled over her lower lids, and she’d bit her bottom lip. “No,” she whispered. “It’s just, I mean, last night was beautiful, really. But I think I just really need a friend right now.” She gestured between the two of us sitting on the couch. “I can’t do this. Not now.” She’d looked up at me, her eyes pleading. “Is that okay?” Maggie had looked down at her lap. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
I’d looked at her curled up on the couch and realized she was lost and I could help. I wanted a hell of a lot more than friendship, but I knew Maggie. If you pushed her, she pushed back. And I wasn’t the one carrying a baby who had absolutely not planned on that yet. If she needed a friend, that’s what I’d be. I could wait, though my cock certainly disagreed. Grumpy bastard. It woke up every time she was around.
Trying to lighten the mood, I’d looked at her and said, “Mags, I’ve been your friend for years, and I’m not going anywhere.” A look of relief had swept across her gorgeous face, so I continued, pushing my luck just a bit. “But with all those pregnancy hormones swirling around your bod, if you need to add ‘with benefits’ onto our friendship, just saying, I’m willing.”
“Sully!” She’d sat straight up to slug my arm but then quickly nestled back against me.
