“Sully…”
“Let me finish, babe. Listening to your dad and Irene today, I realized he wants the same thing. He wants to travel. His home is currently his truck, but will be a RV one day. Maybe that’s what you need? As he talked today, I realized we hadn’t talked about that. Babe, I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to have to give up your dreams, to settle, just to fit into my life. If you want to travel, we can find a way to do that—”
“But the brewery, your family,” I started to say, feeling the moisture welling up.
“Maggie, you and this little bean are my family. If Highland Falls isn’t your future, that’s fine with me. Let’s find a new future together.” His kisses moved up my neck, reaching my ear. “You and this baby are my future. Whatever else it holds we can figure out together.”
God, this man. I had so much emotion whirling inside me I felt like I might burst. I was tempted to retreat inward, to think about it for a bit. But Sully had been upfront with me, and I wanted to let him in. I needed to. “Sully, I’d love to explain where I’m coming from, but it’s messy and I don’t know if it makes sense to anyone but me. Fuck, it doesn’t even make sense to me at times.”
His lips left my neck, and I felt him move a bit back. I looked up, and he had looked over his shoulder. Tipping his head toward a park bench that overlooked the lake, he said, “Want to sit and talk? I feel like this is a sitting-down kind of conversation.”
I nodded and we headed over. He sat and pulled me down next to him. He tugged both my legs up and rested them on his own. His arm wrapped around me while his hand played in my hair. He had positioned me so that I was nestled into him but still looking out to the water, which was perfect.
“Deep breaths, Maggie. I’m here for anything you want to talk about. It doesn’t have to make sense. If you just need me to listen, I’m here for that too.”
Okay, I had this. Maybe he was right. I really just needed to give voice to the emotions that were overwhelming me. I could do that.
“Well, this pregnancy has brought some old insecurities to mind that I hadn’t really ever examined closely.” I paused, looking at him.
“Do you want me to ask questions as you talk, or do you just want to get it all out and lay your thoughts down?”
Damn, who was this man? “I think I just want to get it all out. Then we’ll see.” He nodded at me, giving me an expression that indicated I should continue.
“Okay, so that girl who told you she needed to travel? That’s always been my dream. But when I got pregnant and talked to your sister, she made me start to examinewhyit’s been my dream. Through some stuff she said, some stuff I talked to my dad about, I realized a few things.” Sully nodded, squeezing my shoulder.
“Well, I’ve always been ashamed by how little I had growing up. My dad worked hard, but we barely had enough to scrape by. Some kids at the school I went to before we moved to Highland used to make fun of me for being on the free-and-reduced-lunch program at school. When we moved here, there were a few girls that would make fun of my clothes. My dad would buy them at the resell shop. Apparently, I was wearing the hand-me-downs of some of my classmates’ siblings. I always felt like we were pitied and that everyone was talking about us.”
I could tell that Sully wanted to say something, but he held strong.
“While you might want to tell me that no one felt bad for us like I was thinking, please know that just last night at the brewery two women were in the bathroom talking about me while I was in a stall.” His eyes flared, but he let me continue. “They said I likely got pregnant on purpose to find a way to become part of your family.”
Sully practically growled. “What the fuck? Who was it?”
“Shh.” I put a finger over his lips. “Remember your promise.” He stopped talking but looked none too happy about it. “It doesn’t matter. What the girls proved to me that night was that I was right.” Now he really looked pissed. “People will talk. It’s the nature of small towns. Hell, maybe larger towns too. I have no idea. But what Emma and my dad helped me see, even inadvertently, was that I had another way I could look at the past. I could be embarrassed by what I didn’t have, or I could be proud of what I did have. I had two parents who loved me and each other. Yes, I lost my mom early. That sucked. And yes, my dad worked long hours to keep us afloat, but through those actions he taught me a ton. He taught me about work ethic, perseverance, and love. I should be proud of my story, not embarrassed by it.”
Sully had relaxed a bit, but I could tell he was still a bit tense. I looked away from the lake and smoothed my hand over his chest before picking up his other hand and placing it on my stomach, looking back to the water. “So now I’m trying to work out what the future looks like for me. I love my job. I love making a difference in the lives of kids.”
Sully’s lips came down to brush my cheek. “Is there anything else you love?”
“Hush, you,” I said, leaning my head to the side to give him more room. Following directions well, he slid his mouth down my neck. “Yes,” I whispered, “I do love you. But I’m still working out what that means though. I don’t want you to leave Highland for me.”
“But I would,” he said into my neck.
“I know.” I paused, watching the sunlight shining on the water. “I’m still struggling to feel worthy of this, of you.”
Sully sat up quickly and looked down at me. “What the fuck, Maggie? You don’t feel worthy of me?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Cole, I know this doesn’t make sense to you, and I’m sorry. You told me to lay it all out there, and that’s what I’m doing. You are doing a shit job of staying quiet, I’ll have you know.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“This isn’t for you to fix. I’m just working through some crap, and I need to do that before I can move forward.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
Sully slid me over so I was now straddling him instead of looking at the lake. “Cole, this does not look appropriate.”
He gave me a skeptical look. “Babe, one, we are completely dressed. Two, who do you know who is going to see us? And three, I don’t give a fuck.”
My eye roll was my only logical response.
