I think if the shit had gone down at work when I was still in Chicago, I would have stressed. What if I got taken down by those on social media because of my professional relationship with this man? I knew I had done nothing wrong, but according to Sue, it was looking pretty damning for him. He was going to need to examine his biases and do some work to understand his privilege and how he’d used it to the detriment of others. As Ava had taught me over the years, it’s not enough to say you’re not racist, but you need to work to be an anti-racist. Anti-racism is about action, realizing you might fall short at times, but working to eliminate racism.
My colleague wasn’t there. According to Sue, he was still in the world where white privilege didn’t exist, and he didn’t see what he’d done to cause any issues.
Smithfield was committed to not dropping him as an author and professional development educator, but he was going to be expected to do some learning. They were working on some company policy, and I’d be helping them draft statements in a week or so.
Yeah, a few months ago, this would have consumed me. I would have worried about some Twitter user lumping me with my colleague and painting me with the broad brush for his actions. Now, I was not owning his mistakes. More than that, thanks to talking to Nate, I was examining my dreams again. Could I take the leap?
But that wasn’t for tonight. Tonight was for girls, for fun. Nate had told me he was working, then would be home. I was all in for meeting Ava.
However, I was going to be late if I didn’t figure out some clothes, and quick. I sent off a text to Ava.
Me:How dressy?
Within a minute, Ava’s reply lit up my phone.
Ava:This is Highland. You can wear anything you want. I’ll be there in a few.
Well, that didn’t help. I glanced out a window and noted the snow still blanketing the ground. Warm, I needed to dress somewhat warm.
Hell with it. I was overthinking everything. What did I feel like wearing? I grabbed a light gray cable knit, skinny—yet comfy—jeans, and a scarf. I pulled it all on and turned to look in the mirror over the dresser in Nate’s guest room. Not bad. Scarf draped around my neck, I turned to grab the down vest as my phone vibrated with another text.
Patience, Ava, patience, I thought as I glanced to my phone.
The smile at seeing Nate’s name, not Ava’s, was instantaneous.
Nate:Hey, beautiful. What are your dinner plans?
Me:Funny you should ask; my sister has coerced me into a girls’ night at Homestead.
Nate:…
Worry ate at my stomach as I waited for his reply. We were roommates, but also more, though I wasn’t sure how to define that more yet. Should I have run my plans by Nate first before committing to Ava? Damn.
Nate:Perfect. Hope you won’t think I’m stalking you, but Max invited me to hang at the Homestead with him and Sully tonight after I get off work. Is that okay or do you want space?
Damn, this man was perfect. Right? Right.
Me:Stalk much? Kidding, kidding. I think the Homestead is big enough for both of us. I’ll try to resist you.
Nate:Don’t try too hard.
Whoosh. My belly felt like it was a shaken bottle of soda, ready to explode. Another vibration from my phone had me hoping for another message from Nate.
Ava:I’m outside. You ready?
I glanced to the mirror and nodded to myself. I was absolutely ready. And maybe some girl conversation tonight could help me with how to convince one Nate Roberts that this take-things-slow plan had been a good plan with good intentions, but it was time to throw it out the window.
Quite frankly, I was ready to move full steam ahead and was ready for him to hope aboard. Literally.
16
Cut to the Chase
Nate
It was an exercise in frustration to watch Elle across the brewery. She and her group had been at some of the high-tops in the bar for the past hour. I’d seen them and felt the magnetic pull that I always did when she was around. I wanted to let her know that I’d posted her listing for my condo this morning and already had several inquiries. A friend up there was showing it a few times tonight and tomorrow as a favor. Elle clearly knew her shit, and I was grateful. So grateful that I’d been working on a surprise for her. I hoped it would express my gratitude and let her know that she had someone in her corner.
So why was I in the tank room across the brewery from her, getting glimpses from the windows that looked out into the main room? One, I wanted to give her space. I knew from what she’d said that one of the reasons she moved to Highland was that she felt isolated in Chicago. Clearly that wasn’t something she was struggling with in Highland. It looked like her group ranged from her sister to her neighbors to some of my colleagues. It was weird. I almost felt proud of her in some way. At any rate, I wanted her to have her night, even though a large part of me wanted to claim her as mine and let no one near her. Was the caveman tendency a latent one?
