“Make that two,” Aidan said.
Allyson nodded and got to work as Aidan tugged Mia from the sling, quickly checking her diaper before sitting down in the armchair next to me. He put his feet on the worn barnwood coffee table, letting Mia recline back against his thighs as he played with her feet.
I watched him for a moment or two. He was such a good dad. From some distance, I could see that I’d been jealous of the ease with which he’d slid into the role, not to mention how he didn’t physically change as a result of it.
“I think I lost myself a little in the past year.”
Aidan stopped looking at Mia to focus on me. He didn’t say anything, just waited patiently for me to continue.
“I mentioned some of it the other night, but it’s like there’s so much I didn’t even realize, like the pictures. Now that you mention it though, I can see what you’re talking about.” I looked down at my hands, twisting them because I didn’t know what to do. Letting out a deep breath, I pulled my feet up to sit cross-legged, then continued. “It wasn’t conscious, and I’m sure I wasn’t in pictures by my choice, but also—and I don’t mean to place blame—but you didn’t take any of me either. I saw you with Mia and thought you two were adorable and took the picture. I know at times I realized you weren’t doing the same, and if I’m being super honest here, I felt like it was just more evidence that you weren’t attracted to me right now.”
Aidan started to speak, but I put up a hand. “Give me a second to get this out. Now I’m aware that you’re attracted to me, even in this new shape. I probably knew it deep down before, but it was like my very foundation was shaken.”
Allyson quietly dropped the hot chocolates on our table and walked away, sensing, I’m sure, that we were in a heavy conversation.
Aidan continued to bicycle Mia’s legs while watching me, so I went ahead and wrapped it up. “I’m glad we’ve started talking again, and I can’t explain why I stopped except to say that I’d wanted for so long to be a mom that when I felt like I wasn’t getting it right, when I wasn’t feeling good about myself, I just started to turn inward and shut you out. I’m sorry, and I promise to talk more if I ever feel like that’s happening again.”
He dropped Mia’s legs and pulled her to rest on his chest as he looked my way. “I’m good to speak?”
I rolled my eyes at him, gesturing for him to go ahead.
“I said this the other night and I’m repeating it again, but I’m so damn sorry I didn’t notice everything you were struggling with. Society absolutely puts unfair pressure on moms and that’s on all of us, butIshould have seen you. I think I just got caught up in the day-to-day and missed it. But no more. We’re communicating—in the bedroom and out. And you need to know and trust that I love the fuck out of you, Gracie.”
I gave him a smirk. “You mean you’re wrapped up in me.”
He shook his head at me as he pulled back to look at our daughter. “Mia, I say a cheesy romance lineone timeand your mom won’t let me live it down. And I’d like to note, it waswrapped up in us.As in, wrapped up in you two.”
I unfolded my legs and leaned over to kiss first Aidan, then Mia. Sitting on the arm of his chair, I ran my hand through his hair. “You trying to tell me we have you wrapped around our fingers?”
Aidan looked up at me, resting his head against my chest. “Babe, you have no idea. I’m yours, your mine, and I don’t care where we begin or end as long as we’re in this together.”
I laid my head on top of his. “Sounds good to me.”
Chapter14
Christmas Eve
Aidan
I woke early, letting Baxter out and checking on Mia. She’d been sleeping like a rock star since the day we noticed she’d begun teething. That seemed counterintuitive—that should have shepherded in terrible sleep—but maybe since she was already sleeping terribly, we reversed the norm? Part of me also wondered if she’d been sensing Grace’s stress and with it slowly dissipating, maybe she was settling as well? Whatever it was, I wasn’t questioning six hours of sleep straight each night.
Mia was still zonked, so I got to work in the kitchen on my own. We’d returned from the Holiday Glow last night to put Mia down and soak in some time with each other. Can’t say I was mad about that. With my mom gone and Mia sleeping, we’d been able to take our time with each other in a way I don’t think we had for some time. It was like being with each other for years had given us a shorthand to knowing what we each liked and just going with what was comfortable and getting there quickly. Last night I spent time worshipping her body many times over. Surely that would help her to see that I loved her as she was, that I was attracted to her now and would be forevermore.
And was that the reason she was still snoozing long after dawn? I mean, I wouldn’t deny it made me feel pretty damn good.
On the kitchen counter, I pulled together the ingredients for buttermilk pancakes. I looked forward to Mia being older and able to eat food. My mom had so many special recipes when we were growing up—making them for Mia would mean a lot. But for now I’d settle for taking care of her mom.
I synced my phone with the speaker in the kitchen, keeping the volume low enough not to wake anyone else. The sounds of Chris Stapleton filled the kitchen as I prepared the batter. Our fireplace was pumping out some warmth; the Christmas tree was lit up in the corner. Mom had helped wrap the gifts we’d purchased so Grace and I wouldn’t have to stay up late doing that. The stockings were filled for the most part. All we had stretching ahead of us for the next two days was relaxing and spending time together, just the three of us.
My phone buzzed on the counter. I saw a missed message from my mom, but the new one was from Levi. I paused, skipping back to Mom’s message. She was just checking on what she was bringing down on Saturday. We’d decided for this year to celebrate the actual holiday with only the three of us. With Declan’s schedule, it worked best to celebrate on the weekend anyway, so we were gathering on the twenty-sixth.
Shooting off a text back to her, I then returned to Levi’s message.
Levi:You talk to Grace yet?
Patience, it seemed, was not his friend. I thought back to my conversation with Levi last night at the café in the park. He, Logan, and Maeve, had come in to see Allyson when she got off. The dynamic between Levi and Maeve was either going to blow up and we would all experience the shrapnel, or the two of them were going to make fireworks of their own. Time would tell.
Levi had made a comment to me again about how he was drowning in work before he left that had gotten me thinking. This morning I’d fired off an idea to him that he’d jumped on, but I couldn’t commit until I talked to Grace.
