“Yeah, long distance sucks. But you’re still going to be friends, aren’t you?”
Marley shrugged. She had no idea.
“I get why a relationship is doomed, but you were friends before he was famous. And you didn’t break up because of anything either of you did wrong. Why not stay friends? Famous people have nonfamous friends all the time.”
“I’ve never stayed friends with someone I’ve dated.”
Ruby frowned. “Why not?”
Maybe it was because real physical attraction wasn’t a common thing for her—well, at least not as common as it seemed to be for others, so it was hard to move on from it? The thought of being only friends with Nikhil now seemed too painful. It felt like she would need time to process the end of the relationship before even thinking of being friends.
She’d grown so attached to Nikhil since he’d been back in her life. She’d fallen in love with him. But it had also been unbelievably amazing to have him back as afriendright when she needed him. Right when she was facing one of the hardest physical and emotional things she’d ever gone through. Ruby was right—neither of them had done anything wrong. There was no good reason not to try to keep the friendship, at least.
Marley felt that same twinge in her right breast again. She winced, her hand reaching for it.
“You okay?” Ruby asked.
The pain eased as quickly as it came. She breathed through it. “Yeah, fine.”
“You don’t look fine. Is this the thing you went to the doctor for?”
Marley shook her head. “No, that was the other boob. But it’s okay. Better now.”
Ruby raised one brow. “You do remember that I wentthrough all of this, like, a year ago, right? You never seem to want to talk to me about your surgery.”
Of course she didn’t want to talk to Ruby. Ruby had been through enough. More than enough. “I don’t want to… trigger you.”
Both Marley and Ruby had mothers diagnosed with breast cancer, but Marley’s was stillalive. Watching Maryam Aunty die was the hardest thing Marley had ever gone through, and it had to have been so much harder for Ruby, Maryam’s own daughter. Marley couldn’t unload her crap on Ruby.
“Marley, you’re being silly. I’m right here. Iwantto be here for you. You and me—we’re in this together, coz. You don’t have to pretend to always be okay when you’re clearly not.”
Marley didn’t say anything. What could she say? That she desperately wanted to talk to someone, but every time she tried, she got burned. Her mother would go on about botched surgeries, or someone would take pictures of her at the doctor.
Finally, Ruby sighed. “Marley, I get it. You’re you. I can’t force you to open up to me. We’re family, and that makes it complicated. But there are support groups. I went to a BRCA one a few times in Montreal.”
Marley exhaled, remembering the brochures the nurse had given her. “There’s one in Toronto.” A month ago, Marley had no interest in calling that peer support group. The very thought of talking tostrangersabout what she was going through seemed torturous. But now? More strangers knew things about her than ever. Hell, apparently BuzzFeed knew who she was. “Maybe I’ll call them,” she said, even though she wasn’t sure she would. “And, Ruby, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you away.”
Ruby smiled. “I know. You don’t know how to be anyonebut the person you are, Marl. It’s fine. My mother used to say that you were a closed book, but you had the most amazing universe between your covers.”
Marley smiled. “I miss your mother.”
Ruby nodded. “Me too. She’d be so happy that I’m finally going to England. I want to visit the house they filmedPride and Prejudicein for her.”
Marley and Ruby then did something that they hadn’t done since Ruby moved back to Toronto. They put on the 1995Pride and Prejudiceminiseries and spent the afternoon talking and reminiscing about Maryam Aunty. All of the good things, none of the bad. It was exactly what Marley needed.
After Ruby left, Marley sat on her chair with her cat, watching the sun go down. The house was quiet. She texted Shayne and asked when he’d be home, but he said his shoot was running late. He’d barely been home since getting back from France. She could call Reena, but her cousin was probably tired after baking so early while pregnant.
And that was it. Marley’s entire support system. She’d been slowly drifting away from people for years, and now here she was. Alone. Just her and her cat. And she was the only person to blame for it. After years of telling everyone she was fine when she wasn’t. Of making everyone think she was coping when she wasn’t. For years, she’d told herself that she liked not having many friends, but now she needed someone, and there was no one here.
Not even Nikhil, who’d told her he’d be there for her always, no matter what happened. But could she blame him? Sheaskedhim to leave. She wasn’t willing to be friends, so she was alone.
Marley was so fucking tired of being alone. But like Rubysaid, she had no idea how to be anyone other than the person she’d always been. A closed book.
Well, maybe in one area of her life she could change the way she dealt with things. She dug up the brochure for the BRCA support group. It was still in the Chloé bag she’d taken to her pre-op appointment. The picture on the pamphlet was of fiftysomething-year-old white women sitting around a table, smiling and talking. Clearly stock photography. She gave the information a skim. The group met in person on the third Thursday of every month in a private meeting room uptown.
Tomorrow was the third Thursday of the month. Was this a sign? There was an email address to get more information. Marley sent a quick note, explaining she wanted to talk to someone about the mastectomy she’d recently had.
It was long past time for Marley toaskfor the support she needed.
